Let's Get It Started!

First, I am sad to report that the blizzard that was supposed to come overnight didn’t hit until this morning, which means I am writing from my desk and not from my warm bed :0(. My temperature is still coming in at a steady 97.1. My temperatures have never been this steady since I started charting so this is very encouraging. My acupuncture appointment was great yesterday...thank you for asking. Carol, my acupuncturist, helped me to better understand where my body is in the ovulation process and where the follicles come from. When you have visible follicles in your ovaries that don’t appear to have burst, your body is starting a new cycle. The follicles that are in your ovaries will kind of compete to see who will mature first and release an egg. Occasionally more then one will mature and that is what happens with multiple births. I bet you are wondering where the follicles come from aren’t you? Well it was explained to me yesterday that when women are born, we are born with a follicle “pool” filled with all of the follicles we will ever have. Each month, certain follicles are chosen from the pool to move up into the ovaries and compete to see who will mature. Follicles that do not win the competition (do not want to call them losers because in my book…any follicle is a winner) go back into the pool to compete the next month...this must mean I have some sort of pool right? But I’m wondering if the pool is large enough to do laps in or just wade around in like in a kiddy pool? The fact that there have not been follicles in either of my ovaries in past ultrasounds must mean there is some sort of supply there….at least that is what I think. I mean, follicles don’t just appear from nowhere. According to what I learned from Carol at my appointment yesterday, I am going to assume that I should be ovulating…if things work correctly…within the next 5-7 days. This possibility is making it very hard to concentrate on anything but what my ovaries are doing and is making me want to drink a lot of water so I can run to the bathroom and check my cervical mucus. I knew I shouldn’t have thrown away all of my “time of the month” underwear but who knows maybe that was part of why things are working again. Throwing away the underwear could have been part of my letting go of the control and moving on. My acupuncture treatment was great and I have the acupuncture seeds in my ears to stimulate my entire endocrine system. I am to press them 3 times a day for about 30 seconds each. Did you know that there are over 200 acupuncture points in just our ears? Did you also know that practitioners of Traditional Chinese medicine can treat and/or diagnose just about any ailment you might have through your ear? Here is an article explaining ear acupuncture more in depth and I have also included a chart showing some but not all of the ear acupuncture points on the human ear. http://www.theacupuncturesuite.com/html/ear_acupuncture.html.

 Look at all of them, Chinese Medicine continues to amaze me. Ok enough about the seeds in my ear. I got home after my treatment and started cooking what was supposed to be my ovaries’ welcome back dinner…yes my husband and I decided to have a dinner in honor of them…if you think this is weird…wait until I have a period and we have a christening for the first tampon..just kidding I would never do that. My husband walked in, started munching on the guacamole I had made for him and turned on college basketball. I had been thinking to myself most of the day and wanted to know his opinion on whether or not he thought I should try and get some eggs extracted while things appeared to be working. That was originally my plan..try to get things working to where I could get some of my eggs extracted just in case. Well when I asked him, you would have thought I was accusing him of having an affair or something. He immediately got really angry and stressed. He asked “how could you ask me something like that, like it is nothing? Like it is just a small procedure like a teeth cleaning?” We ended up fighting for the better part of an hour. He was convinced that I was just looking for ways to stress him out and I was trying to convince him that I was just trying to be pro-active and wanted his opinion without him getting angry. After pushing the pan I was cooking dinner to the side and turning off the stove and stomped upstairs to get away and calm myself down so that I didn’t loose the effects of my acupuncture treatment. I started putting together a gift for my cousin and once that was done I started going through paint samples for the walls in our extra bedroom. While completing these two tasks it hit me, I have just become so numb to all of the fertility talk that it just doesn’t affect me like it does my husband. I literally live and breathe this stuff every day, I live for researching every new method, supplement or massage that could help my body heal. I am able to write about mucus, temperatures, ultrasounds and many other fertility related subjects without even thinking twice so it is hard for me to remember that through our fertility journey my husband has been doing the complete opposite of what I have been doing….he has been acting like it isn’t happening. I am not saying he hasn’t been supportive, it’s just that in order for him to cope with what has been going on, he doesn’t focus on it as much as I do. That is why I didn’t think anything of asking him about egg retrieval while we were making dinner and also why I was confused and frustrated at his reaction. You mean my eggs are not an appropriate dinner conversation? How about your sperm then?? It was decided that we were going to just enjoy our marriage and each other until our appointment with the fertility specialist in May. If we are not pregnant by then and I have not had a period (complete cycle) by that appointment then he said he would consider egg retrieval. I really feel like we will be pregnant by then but I feel comforted knowing that option two is waiting in the distance for us if we need it. It was also decided that we would be going out to dinner since I had thrown our dinner across the stove while trying to make a dramatic exit during our fight….seemed like a good idea at the time. We went to a local Mexican place for a much needed margarita, some more guacamole and tacos. As we were sitting there eating dinner, I felt the muscles in my lower abdomen twitching and then I had a weird cramping sensation near the area I imagine where my left ovary is…I promise this wasn’t the Mexican food. I think it was my body reacting to the acupuncture treatment. As I laid in bed waiting to fall asleep last night, I did an ovarian massage and had another conversation with my ovaries, this time I was focusing more on the follicles but still felt like I needed to include the ovaries as well...didn’t want to make them jealous of their new friends. All I said was “let’s do this.” Then I started signing the Blacked Eyed Peas song “let’s get it started” in my head. That can be my reproductive system’s theme song for the next couple of weeks. I hope everyone has a great weekend! Hopefully I will have a spike in temperature over the weekend to report! Baby Q…it is time….come meet your mommy and daddy today!

Aint No Rhyme Or Reason.....

This morning was a challenge. Sometimes I have days where I feel like God may be challenging me to see what I can handle and I am proud to say I have been able to let all of the happening of this morning roll off my back and onto the floor and as I write this I am able to smile. I managed to make it to the gym this morning and thanks to my new book, my run just flew by. I was in the “sit up” area finishing my workout when the first challenge approached. On my days that I don’t life weights, I do sit ups and left lifts on one of those large exercise balls. In this area of the rec center, there is really only enough room for two people to lay mats down and comfortable do their sit ups. I was the second person to join the area so I laid down my matt, got the ball off the shelf and went to it. Halfway through my work out someone decided they were not going to take a mat and go elsewhere in the huge two story gym…they were going to wedge themselves in-between myself and the other man that was working out beside me. I then, was forced to move over and wedge myself in-between the weight bars and the matt stand. For the rest of my work out, I couldn’t extend my less without worrying about kicking equipment or the rude person next to me. Part of me (the evil part of me) wanted to just kick him once and act like it was an accident. I let it go and moved into my last ball exercise which is doing push ups while balance my legs on the ball. Doing this exercise requires focus and balance. I was doing quite well when the rude person exercising next to me decided it was time to put up their matt on the matt stand I was now working out on because they had plopped themselves down on top of me to do their sit ups. As this person moved toward the stand, they bumped the exercise ball I was balancing on and send me crashing to the ground. Super annoyed and just got back on the ball without even looking up at this stranger. I am sure they were smiling thinking it was funny they knocked me off the ball and were waiting for me to laugh with them but honestly after waking up with cramps for the third morning in a row…I was not up for laughing and was just trying to get through my morning without yelling at a complete stranger. I finished my workout and was on my way home to get ready for work about five minutes later. On my way home one of my favorite country songs was on the radio so I jammed all the way into the garage. I showered and got dressed pretty quickly and was about to leave when I caught the cabinet door on my blouse as I closed it. The button to the top of my blouse went flying off exposing my bra and what could be my boobs if they were a little bigger. Already running late and feeling flustered, I decided sewing on a button was not an option so I ran upstairs to change. Not even really paying attention to what I put on, I am now sitting here at working thinking…what the heck am I wearing. My thoughts are that if I am thinking this…..I don’t even want to know what my co-workers are thinking. The drive to work was relaxing and I was enjoying the sunlight and the good music until I hit the traffic jam. I had exactly 20 minutes to get to work before the morning meetings started and had high hopes of making it until I spotted the traffic jam. Already feeling stressed, I decided to turn the radio up, breathe and just enjoy the extra time I would have this morning not being at work. I pulled into the garage as my meeting was starting but was feeling ok about it. I mean, that has maybe happened twice in my almost four years with the company. As I went to badge into the garage, I decided to throw my badge out of the window on accident. I had to get the cars behind me to back up so that my stupid, clumsy butt could back my car enough to be able to open my door and pick up my badge. I smiled and waved as cars honked at me. What is that song by Sugarland? “Aint no rhyme or reason, no complicated meaning, Aint no need to over think it, let go laughing”….or something like that. As I drove into my parking spot I was giggling about the badge incident at how annoyed I would be at someone else doing that in front of me. I walked into work with a smile on my face proud of myself for not letting my stressful morning affect my mood. After all, on Monday I found out I can have a baby. This is something I have been praying about for so long and it has come true! I had to laugh at my hubby last night. I was goofing around while getting ready from bed and he looked at me and said “we can’t tonight, we have to wait until tomorrow”. I laughed and asked “what are you talking about?” Then he replied “We have to let my sperm build up.” I then realized that he does listen to me when I am telling him the things he needs to do in order to better our chances of having a bambino. Sometimes I feel like he is just sitting there waiting for me to sop running my mouth. Or course knowing my personality and knowing his…I am sure sometime he is waiting for some peace and quiet but that moment last night made me feel like he was in this now. It truly is amazing how much the doctors appointment on Monday has already changed our lives for the better. Everyone needs a little good news once in a while. Well today is day four of the horrible cramps in the morning. I believe it is from my stopping my progesterone supplements. It is my body saying “what the heck.” My temperature is at 97.2 for the third day in a row which is a good sign. My temperatures are no longer all over the chart. They seem to be somewhat normal which is not normal for me. I continue to be more encouraged every day and am very excited to see my acupuncturist today. Stimulate those follicles…stimulate away …I say. One more day until the weekend…yay! (yes I meant for that to rhyme…)

Hump Day Reading....and a shout out!

Oh man, first I must vent a bit on drivers here in the lovely state of Colorado. When did it become legal to tail someone so closely that the person you are tailing can taste the cologne or perfume you are wearing? This morning I was in a bit of a rush so I was already speeding and in the far left lane to be sure I was able to move as quickly as possible. My drive was going right along with no “bumps in the road” until up crept a little car and his front lights disappeared behind my car. I swear I could smell the jerks cologne and a bit of cigarette smoke. I just ignored him since I was also trying to pass people on my right and already going at least 15 over the speed limit…besides why should I move for him and then have to slow down in traffic? About 10 minutes later, he started flashing his brights at me and that is when I got angry. Not only are you endangering me by riding on my car but now you are going to impair my vision with your brights. Unless this person was trying to save gas by using my car to move his car this was extremely rude! If I didn’t love my car, I swear I would have slammed on the breaks right there and sent the loser into my bumper which most likely would have totaled his car and done some serious damage to mine. Unfortunately, I do not have insurance that covers breakdowns so I didn’t do that, I just rode it out and about five minutes later, the disgruntled driver sped around me and found another person to tail. I took a deep breath and continued singing along to the radio. About five minutes later, I was happy to see what looked like the car that had been tailing me pulled over on the side of the road. I believe Karma is the word I am looking for. On to my update…after my ultrasound on Monday, I immediately dove right back into my eastern medicine fertility books and research. I found an article written by the author of “the Infertility Cure” that had a list of things that Randine Lewis, the author, suggested women can do to improve their fertility. They were 1. Increase blood flow (she found that certain acupuncture and acupressure techniques improve blood flow to the ovaries. Better circulation to any organ improves its function. Also the femoral message, ovarian message and electro-acupuncture can dramatically reduce stress and age induced constriction of the uterine and ovarian blood vessels.) 2. Nourishment (Certain dietary supplements like wheat grass, blue-green algae, and royal jelly are known to help restore follicular health. Avoiding coffee, refined carbs and avoiding dairy and hormonally treated animal products will clear out toxic effects of a poor diet.) 2. Hormonal imbalance (endocrine systems operate via feedback so that hormones wont work properly unless the brain senses the right cures form our tissues. Properly prescribed herbal formulas which will help the underlying pattern of imbalance, can restore our own hormonal function). Thought this was interesting. The article is entitled “Turning Back the Reproductive Clock” by Randine Lewis. After reading this article, I decided I must start going to my acupuncturist more than once a month and made an appointment to go tomorrow afternoon. I have been practicing the femoral message but need to read about the ovarian message and make sure I am doing that one as well. I have done electro-acupuncture before and can tell you that I had two cycles after that treatment so I may ask for that tomorrow at my appointment. I am also going to ask for an herbal prescription that may help now that things seem to be trying to work. I also did some research on ovarian follicles which was interesting. The article I read stated that women are born with all of the follicles we will have in a lifetime. If this is true, how could my right ovary be shrunken/collapsed with no follicles last May 2009 and then be large with three plus follicles in March of 2010. This to me proves that western medicine still doesn’t truly understand the wonder that is the female reproductive system. I am amazed at the transformation and am in love with my body. I now have conversations with my body in the morning and at night before I go to bed. At night I kind of mix it in with my prayers. I truly believe you have to love yourself inside and out. Up until about a month ago I was very angry with my body and at God for doing this to me. I decided that being angry and playing a victim wouldn’t do anything but prematurely age me and make me bitter…. And now one likes an old looking, bitter had do they? (I picture Weezer from Steel Magnolias) I prayed for forgiveness from God and in my prayers apologized to my body for turning my back on it. In my prayers, I discussed my plan to move on to donor eggs and prayed that both my body and God would help me to be strong enough to make it through that process. Three weeks later I have a better attitude towards life, a healthier relationship with my husband and what appears to be functioning ovaries! Please don’t think I have false hopes here. I know it could still be difficult for me to conceive naturally. I may go months without ovulating and I will have to watch everyday for signs but to me the fact that I could have a child with my own eggs is enough to keep me from jumping into the donor egg pool for at least 6 months. Who knows, my body could completely recover by then and be having periods every month….you just never know. Happy Hump Day. I hope that you all feel as inspired as I do today! A quick shout out to my dear friend who is anxiously waiting for her sweet baby q to come. I hope she will be a leprechaun baby :0)

An Exiting and Unexpected Doctors Visit!

Today is the first day in a long time that I actually feel happy. My appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist went really well. She didn’t agree to try any of the treatments I have mentioned on my previous blogs but she did go over my disorder with me and discussed options. The visit was well worth the 4.5 month wait and my husband and I are not able to stop smiling today. I feel as though I have cheated the system or something. My body is truly amazing…before you judge me or call me conceited, please let me explain. I am talking about how I look in a bikini….I am talking about my bodies transformation since this time last year. Are you dying to know what happened yesterday? Ok, I guess I will tell you. I didn’t sleep very well on Sunday night, partly because I had slept most that day after getting the water removed from my ear at the emergency care center (from my bath the day before). As soon as the doctor drained my ear, my body sent a message to my brain that said Naptime! I made a nice lunch for my husband and I and immediately went upstairs and took a 3 hours nap. When my husband fell asleep on Sunday night, I just laid there with the TV off trying to visualize my brain sending a message to my ovaries. A lot of the eastern medicine books discuss visualization exercises and how important they are. Most fertility yoga DVDs have periods of about 5 minutes at the end of the sessions where you do them and I have found that doing a visualization exercise at night helps me go to sleep and often brings inspiring dreams. On every time I would to where I was almost to where I had a picture in my head, the puppy would like me in the face or start scratching on the mattress to create her bed. I finally fell asleep around 11:00 PM which would explain why I couldn’t get up to go the gym at 4:30. I managed to get out of bed around 5:00 AM and started getting ready for work. Distracted by the day I had ahead of me, I forgot to take my temperature and use the fertility monitor. I made my fruit smoothie, put in my ground up flaxseed (making babies) and was out the door. Amazingly my work day flew by and I was out the door in no time. I grabbed an un-which from the jimmy johns across the street and then walked to the parking garage. It felt like my car flew to the hospital where the appointment was and before I knew it I was sitting the lot trying to get up the nerve to walk inside. I called my husband who gave me a quick pep talk, ate my un-which and then started the walk inside. As I walked into the hospital, I immediately spotted the information center. I asked where the Advanced Reproductive offices were and this nice elderly man stood up and pointed to the nearby elevator bank and told me to go to the third floor. I thanked him and nervously took the elevator to the third floor and felt like me knees were going to give from under me as I stepped out of the elevator. I found the receptionist and told her I had a 1:00 PM with Dr. Santorro. I was given some paperwork to fill out and paid my copay. Luckily the paperwork took so much time to complete that I had zero waiting time in the lobby to think about what was about to happen. As I went up to turn in my paperwork and clipboard a nurse appeared to first take my vitals and then take me back to see the doctor. She weighed me (which I hate having my weight flashed in front me when I am already having issues) and took my blood pressure. When we were done she took me into an inner office where the doctor and a doctor in training were sitting waiting for me. Both introduced themselves and I already felt like this doctors appointment was going to be different. Dr. Santorro started out by reviewing my family history and then what has happened since I went off the pill last March 2009. She went through all of my lab results pointing out the positive and negatives. For example, my estrogen levels have been fluctuating which is a sign that I have activity in my ovaries and my vitamin d3 levels were low so I need to start taking supplements. After we went through everything that happened, she went over the specifics of POF and what I can expect. The doctor explained that women with POF have what is called a 10 year window when trying to get pregnant. This means that it is possible for us to get pregnant, but if you are not on top of fertility signs it can take up to 10 years to do so. Women with POF can have a period one month and then not have another for a few months. With POF, follicles are stimulated, ovulation can be about to occur and then the balance of hormones will be off and the whole ovulation will be cancelled. It is not that women with POF don’t ovulate; it’s that we don’t do it as regularly as other women. She explained what I needed to do in order to increase my chances of conceiving. Taking anti-oxidant vitamins, calcium supplements (2000 mg a day, divide doses take with food) and take Vitamin D3 (2000 IU per day). I also need to be watching my cervical mucus; this will be the best indicator for me since I don’t have regular periods. The doctor also told me some of the things other patients have noticed, for example their faces get a bit more oily then normal when they are ovulating. I asked every question I had down to ask and discussed all of my concerns with the two doctors. We then reviewed the medications I am currently taking. Dr. decided to take me off the progesterone stating that progesterone is actually given to women who have just given birth to make sure they can lactate and it actually keeps them from having periods. She also decided to run a thyroid test to see if I even need to be taking a thyroid supplement and also ran a bone density test to make sure everything is ok. She told me if it is low, I will need to increase my calcium intake or go on a low dose of hormone replacement which you can still get pregnant on. After we were done talking, she told me she would like to do an ultrasound and check up to make sure everything looked ok “down there”. I gulped as I played the last ultrasound I had in my head. I must have cringed as I remembered the encounter because both doctors asked if that was ok. I smiled and nodded and away we went to the ultrasound room. On our way I asked if I could use the restroom. The last thing I wanted to do was pee on one of the doctors during the ultrasound….that could be so embarrassing. As I pulled my pants up and washed my hands, I thought I would have one last conversation with my ovaries. I just patted my stomach and said “remember the letter from last week? Please respond”. I chuckled to myself when I realized how ridiculous I sounded but it was making me feel better. Doctors are always telling people we need to be more in tuned with our bodies, doesn’t that include conversations with our organs? As the doctor inserted the ultrasound tool, I said another quick prayer and then waited as the doctor tilted the screen towards me. She showed me the lining in my cervix and said it was a bit thin but then explained that was because I hadn’t had a period in a few months. Then she went looking for my ovaries and I think I stopped breathing as she found the right one and said “there it is and look how big it is”. Shocked, I looked up at the screen and saw my big, round ovary with little dots inside. The dots were follicles and there three maybe four of them!!! I couldn’t believe it. She then went searching for the left but was unable to find it due to my bowels being in the way which is completely normal. I guess if you have eaten anything within the 24 hours from when you receive an ultrasound, your bowels can block your ovaries. As the doctor made another comment about the follicles, I told both the doctors that even if they were lying I appreciated that news. The second doctor grabbed my hand and said they would never lie to me and then I laughed and said you can lie if you tell me I have follicles. I smiled as I remembered the report from the ultrasound that had been done almost one year from this day. “Right ovary is collapsed with a lesion and has no visible follicles”. Pretty amazing how things can change! The doctor told me that this was a good sign and to watch for fertile signals. I was so happy when they were taking my blood I didn’t care there was a needle in my arm. Blood could have been shooting everywhere and I wouldn’t have cared. I practically skipped out of that office and couldn’t wait to call my husband. We went from definitely doing IVF with donor eggs to that being an option in a matter of a few hours. I couldn’t believe I had gotten through an ultrasound without devastating news. I had gotten so used to getting bad news I wasn’t sure how to react at first. My husband was so happy that after we got off the phone he immediately called my mother in law who then called me. Everyone was so happy for me. I received so many phone calls, emails and Facebook posts showing support. I can’t tell you how much it all meant to me. It’s funny. As soon as I had accepted that I was going to have to use donor eggs and just let it go…hello follicles! I was looking through some paperwork last night trying to find my notes on fertile foods and other things I need to be doing and I found this quote from Randine Lewis author of “The Infertility Cure”.


“When we let go of our tight hold, and loosen up our grip on the outcome, (through adoption, through being told we’re helpless, too old, or whatever else ends the struggle), we can finally unclench; we can lift our hands and let go. Only then does the space open up for our reproductive energies to be receptive. Only then can Life say, O.K. now you’re ready!” So true, I was so stressed out and focused on trying to get my periods back that I had my body in knots. As soon as I said forget this, I am moving on with the next step and going to see the fertility specialist about getting donor eggs my body was like “wait what about me?” Today is such a great day for me. My husband and I have been messaging back and forth about how happy we are. Even though the follicles may not turn into a child, the fact that it could happen is an amazing feeling we didn’t think we were going to be able to feel. I am going to end today’s posting with a small thank you to my ovaries….Dear ovaries, thank you for deciding to attend the meeting yesterday. I was pleasantly surprised to see you filling your seat that has been empty in previous meetings. I hope that we can meet again more regularly and that you are able to recruit some “eggscelent” monthly candidates. Thank you so much for your hard work in the last week. I promise to keep my word on letting you retire in 10 years.
I hope everyone has an amazing day. Remember that miracles happen every day and that to appreciate all of the amazing people in your life. Yesterday taught me to remember both of these things. If you would like to better understand follicles in the ovaries, please follow this link and read on. It’s very informative and even has illustrations, thanks to answers.com for the great explanation. http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://wpcontent.answers.com/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f1/Order_of_changes_in_ovary.svg/320px-Order_of_changes_in_ovary.svg.png&imgrefurl=http://www.answers.com/topic/folliculogenesis&usg=__qSn5nrPyWlf0VwEr2j37FyadpAk=&h=265&w=320&sz=44&hl=en&start=8&um=1&itbs=1&tbnid=avVWkBkLAXUlGM:&tbnh=98&tbnw=118&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dillustration%2Bof%2Bfollicles%2Bin%2Bovaries%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26tbs%3Disch:1

A deep conversation with my underwear.....and a fun girls night out

Well today is the day I have been waiting for…my appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist. Luckily this weekend went by fairly quickly so I didn’t have to think about it much. Saturday was a day full of very strange events for me and then ended with seeing Chelsea Handler live. I started the day out by going and getting coffee with my husband and then started going through the entire house looking for items we no longer need for my garage sale that is happening this coming weekend (for gambling money in Vegas). We have so much stuff from when we were both single and living separate lives so I have decided to finally merge everything after living together for over 3 years. Goodbye silver wear that has been passed down 3 generations that looks like my ancestors personally carved your handles! I even decided to go through my underwear and get rid of those pairs that I had kept to wear during my time of the month…since I didn’t seem to need them anymore. All of us ladies have them…the old, comfy ones that the elastic is a bit stretched that you don’t mind if they get stained (sorry if that’s gross but it’s the truth). I was surprised that I started crying as I went through the drawer. How could I have had periods that stained my underwear and now have nothing? I picked up a pair and just stared at the stain for awhile…..I just refuse to believe my body can’t do this anymore. I even talked to my ovaries for a minute, “See what you can do, I know you will do it again.” Maybe it sounds pathetic but every one, even my ovaries, needs a little encouragement now and then. After talking to the stains in my underwear (I realize this isn’t normal), I decided to take a bath to relax and do some of the pressure points that are supposed to help restore ovarian activity (in the “Infertility Cure” by Randine Lewis). I was excited to use the bubbles I had recently purchased at a “Slumber Party” and I even lit some candles and put on a good lifetime movie (don’t judge..lifetime movies can be very empowering for women). I was laying there enjoying life until I decided to put my head under the water for a minute. When I came back up, I noticed the water wasn’t draining out of my left ear. I tilted my head for a minute…still nothing. I decided it was time to get out and start getting ready for my girls night out. When I left the house two and half hours after my bath the water was still in my ear , I swear I am the only person in the world who can’t even take a bath without getting hurt. I decided that I would stop on my way home from the concert and get some of those swimmer ear drops. I met up with my friends and we all packed in to my car (since I was already planning on not drinking in case they do any lab work today). This past weekend was Denver’s big St. Patrick’s Day celebration so the freaks were all out and to make it worse…they were drinking. We were on our way to pick up another one of the girls who had been enjoying in the downtown festivities when we stopped at a red light. All of a sudden a large group of guys who were crossing the street, started fighting directly in front of us. The light turned green as we all watched in horror as they continued the brawl in the middle of the street. After about five minutes, all of the cars behind me started honking. I panicked because I didn’t know what I should do. Do I act like I am going to drive into them and then they will move? What if they didn’t move and then started hitting my car? What if they jump on my car? All of these thoughts were running through my head. A stranger broke up the fight and everyone started to walk away so I started inching towards the intersection. As I approached the other side, they broke into it again and this time one them had his front teeth directly meet the curb. As he got up and stumbled to the sidewalk, we all tried not to throw up as he started picking his teeth out of his mouth. We zoomed by as soon as he managed to get out of the way not really sure if we were going to be able to eat after seeing that and all appreciating our front teeth. As we drove up to pick up our other friend, the mood immediately picked back up as we spied her making out with someone none of us new. Girls night was officially re-started, and what better way to start it with a make out in front of a bar at 4:00 PM? I would like to report that the restaurant we ate at was great, but it literally took one hour for us all to get drinks and an appetizer and even longer for all of us to get dinner. It didn’t matter though, we were all together, laughing and having a great time…and I wasn’t thinking about my problems. Chelsea Handler was really funny and I even purchased a book and got to meet her and have her sign it. If she knew how much I looked forward to her show each night….she makes me laugh. I have decided not to fax over my previous lab work to the doctor I am going to see today. I think that sometimes doctors see the past results and judge me before even talking to me. This is my last chance so I don’t want this doctor to say no before hearing my story. I continue to gather research of other companies in the peer group of the company I work for. I need to prove/show what other companies are providing on the insurance front for infertility/fertility treatments. The fact that I received a response from our benefits department is very encouraging. Maybe I will be able to make a difference after all…maybe I am going through this so I can help others? Well, I should probably get to work being that I am leaving in a few hours. Wish me luck!

Come Monday...it will be all right!

Happy Friday All! I woke up in a daze this morning, stumbled out of bed to take my temperature and use the fertility monitor. On my way to the bathroom, I stepped on a squeaky dog toy and then tripped on my husband’s belt he had left on the floor. By the time I reached the bathroom, I had made enough noise to wake the whole neighborhood and I willing to bet that my temperature might not be accurate because of all the activity that occurred on my way to the bathroom…considering it’s supposed to be a “waking” temperature. I am sad to report that the fertility monitor is still on its lowest bar but that is ok. The directions state there is a low possibility but it’s not impossible to conceive at low fertility…so you’re saying there’s a chance (line by Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber). My temperature rose a bit to 98.1 so I am not sure what that means??


I continue to be unable to concentrate on anything because I am so excited and nervous about the doctors appointment on Monday. I have been waiting for this appointment since the week before Christmas and really hope that I haven’t waited all this time for the doctor to tell me she can’t do anything. If that happens, I already have a plan….I will beg for her to run clinical trials on me to see if something might work. If that doesn’t work, I will just beg for her to help me extract some of my own eggs and if that doesn’t work…I will try going back on the pill for a month and then going off of it again to see if that will restart my body. If none of the above work, I will be happy to choose from the donor egg database at CCRM (the fertility specialist). This weekend can’t go by fast enough. I am getting to have a girls night out on Saturday. We are all going to dinner and then to see Chelsea Handler which I am really excited about. I fall asleep watching her show every night….not because it’s boring just because it comes on at my bedtime. Today I will be calling Chrysler Financial to see how much they will sell my car to me for. My lease ends this May and my husband and I are trying to decide if we should buy it or apply for a loan and buy a different car. I really want something a little bigger, for when we have kids, but if the dealership offers me something fair, I will probably buy my current car and keep if for a few years. Besides, maybe buying a bigger car would be jinxing myself and I already have enough things working against me on the baby front. Well, for once I don’t have much to say today. I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday. I started mine off with the insides of a breakfast burrito and a diet coke (breakfast of champions), and I plan to follow the breakfast up with a trip to the local outlet mall (with my Chihuahuas of course). Heidi Klum’s maternity line is out. Here is a link to some information on that http://www.usmagazine.com/momsbabies/news/heidi-klums-maternity-line-includes-leather-pants-glitter-tops-2010122, I bet the clothes will be very cute! I hope that someday I will be able to wear them. Here is a link to a story on Celine Dion and her fail IVF attempts. The website also discusses other celebrities fertility battles. http://www.justmommies.com/celebrity-baby-updates/celine-dion-opens-up-about-failed-ivf-treatments. I feel for Celine, I will most likely be going through the same types of treatments very soon so it is scary to me that a celebrity who can afford the best doctors money can buy can’t get the treatments to work. Until today, I really like Jennifer Lopez. I have always thought she was a very beautiful and talented actress who is a great role model…until I read the article attached to this link http://www.justmommies.com/celebrity-baby-updates/jennifer-lopez-wouldnt-mess-with-in-vitro-treatments, In this article, she discusses in-vitro and how she thinks that you should just see if it happens for you that God controls it. I believe that God controls it too however I don’t feel that someone who had twins naturally can judge other women who don’t have that option and want to be mothers just as badly as Jennifer did. We cannot all be that lucky and although I am also Catholic and have faith in God, I also know that not all of us are lucky enough to be able to have babies on our own without assistance. I was very disappointed to read the article. I am sure I am overreacting to the article …just seems easy for her to say this now that she has her babies…I am sure she would be singing a different tune had she not been able to conceive without assistance. I will get off my soap box now and get to work. That’s a wrap…chow!

Flying High Today

So I normally dont do this...two blogs in one day but I am having such a great day...minus the hater at my work but that isnt going to ruin my buzz.  This morning after I submitted my blog, I received a call from my company's benefit manager. They are going to bring my request up during their review period this summer. I have been asked to do research on what our peer group is covering regarding infertility and report back. I am so excited! I never even thought I would hear anything back after submitting the email. If that wasnt enough to make me float on air today, I just got off the phone with the reproductive endocrinologist's office that I have been waiting to see for almost 4 months. I have an appointment next Monday!!! Two good things in one day and it's not even lunch time yet, my luck is changing I can feel it.  I should buy a lotto ticket today.  Just wanted to share the good news! I can't wait until Monday, I pray for good news.

A frenemy at work....and an interesting fertility suggestion

So, first I must vent about someone at work who seems to have it out for me. This particular person used to be a good friend of mine, even came to my wedding, but lately has been very absent which is frustrating because right now is when I need my friends the most. Their distance just made me think they had some personal things going on and they just wanted space from everyone at work. I have tried a handful of times to talk to this person and see what is wrong and they promise me it is just what is going on in their personal lives so I haven’t worried about it….until this week. While in a meeting with this particular person yesterday, I couldn’t help but notice that everytime I talked, this person would either write a note to the person beside her or look at that person and the two of them would roll their eyes or laugh. Thinking I was paranoid, I purposely spoke out in the meeting a few times to see if they did it again….and they did each time. I of course acted like it didn’t bother me…wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they were getting under my skin like that. But me being me, I was upset about it the rest of the day and was even thinking about it on my drive in this morning. I was just going to let it go but then this person made a nasty comment about what I am wearing today when they were walking behind me in the hallway. Being on day 3 of bad cramps, I was so close to just turning around and screaming “What the F is your problem?”. I have never been anything but nice to this person and I am really confused why someone would turn on me like this. The giggling at someone else is very elementary school and really ticks me off!!! Ok had to get that out of my system. So I finally got the fertility monitor to read a test stick this morning. Here are the results:

It says I have low fertility. The instructions state it is not very likely but not impossible to conceive when the reading is low. I pray that there is a change in the readings throughout the next couple of weeks. Even an increase up one box would send me into an intercourse rampage trying to catch mr/mrs. egg in time. Here is what my basil temparture chart looks like this morning.

 I’m going to keep using the monitor and charting in the rare case that they might flag a window of opportunity for me. If not, this will at least keep me busy while I wait to see the reproductive endocrinologist and fertility specialist. Something to ponder….while reading through my babymed.com discussion I have been a part of since June 2009, I came upon an entry making a suggestion to women who have just gone off the pill and are trying to conceive. The writer states that she was on the pill for 8 years and went off in 2006 to try and have a baby. She didn’t get a period for 6 months so she went to the doctor who told her hormone levels were low but everything else looked normal. She went on progesterone crème for 3 months and still nothing so she decided to go back on birth control for one month until she got a period and then went off of it again. She then resumed normal periods. She will be celebrating her daughters 1st birthday this spring and is currently trying her birth control method again since they are trying for baby #2. I am considering trying this before I select donor eggs..as long as it wont mess up the IVF process. Well I must get to work. It’s almost Friday…thank the lord!!!

Holly Cramp!

Well hello there!  I am proud to report that there seems to be something trying to happen in  my ovaries this week.  This morning marks the second day in a row that have had what feels like bad period cramps ....but no bleed :0(. I am still encouraged that this is a sign that maybe the dust has cleared off the old endocrine system and it's getting the engines rolling? I wasnt able to get a reading from the fertility monitor this morning but found out why. The machine is working off of what my friends cycle was like.  I need to figure out a way to clear out her information so that it will allow me to test on day 6 on through the end of a cycle. Even though I am not having cycles that is the only way I can trick the machine to ready my fertility so I can see if there is any difference from day to day.  If I am going to try and catch the few eggs the doctors claim I have...I am going to need all the help I can get. I have started eating ground flaxseed in the mornings again. It is said to be a great things to eat while trying to improve your fertility. You have to grind it yourself though and can't eat it whole because your body can break the seeds down. I  also decided to cancel the appointment with the kinesioligist I had this Friday. It was going to be $175.00 out of pocket and I just can't afford it right now.  I will just wait for the reproductive endocrinologist to schedule me and then the appointment with the fertility specialist in May.  For those of you wondering.....I decided not to start giveaways until May 1. Don't worry it will be worth the wait.  Well I must get to work just wanted to give you a bit of an update.  Hopefully the cramps turn into something more?? If not, they are enough encouragement for me.  Here is a link to one of my favorite recipe sites. Today I have included links to St. Patricks Day inspired recipes (both food http://allrecipes.com/Recipes/Holidays-and-Events/St-Patricks-Day/Top.aspx and drinks http://allrecipes.com/HowTo/Toasting-to-St-Patricks-Day/detail.aspx. Happy hump day! And remember to smile no matter what, it makes you feel better.

What is going on with my body? Perhaps the ovaries were listening last week...

So, this morning was a bit frustrating. I got up to go like a good girl. Before I went to the gym this morning, I got up and took my temperature and tried to use the clearblue fertility monitor again. My temperature went from 97.3 yesterday to 97.9. It states in the instruction manual for the monitor that on day 6 it will ask for a test stick to be inserted. Well, it was today was 6 but it didn’t ask for a testing stick and when I put one in, it gave me an error message. Just don’t understand how the freakin thing works!!! After fiddling with it for 10 minutes, I finally gave up and went to the gym deciding that I would try to put a new set of batteries in tonight and try it again tomorrow. When I got home from the gym my husband was standing right behind the door from the garage with a confused look on his face. He told me that our puppy had puked on our bed spread. I asked where he put the bed spread and he just turned around and went back upstairs. When I walked in to our room, I saw that he had taken the bed spread, rolled it into a ball and shoved it into the top of the hamper…why he wouldn’t just take it downstairs to the laundry room I just don’t understand. So now I had a puke covered bedspread nesting in my newly cleaned out hamper sure to make my bedroom smell wonderful for when I return home this evening. Annoyed, I turned around to head for the shower, and turned just in time to watch the puppy take a pooh right in the middle of the hallway! I cleaned it up and hopped in the shower. As I entered the room to get dressed, I noticed the other dog had decided to take her pooh in the other bathroom and my husband had just left it there! Needless to say the dogs were a challenge this morning. I woke up with cramps and a back ache which makes me really emotional because it’s like I should be having a period but no bleed, just cramps, lack of emotional stability and a back ache. I even had a break out last week like I used to before I got my period. Maybe my ovaries are considering the offer I made them last week? After lunch yesterday, I got a little sick to my stomach and of course my first thought was…maybe I am pregnant?? I have noticed this little pinching feeling were I imagine my ovaries to be the last couple of days but I am not even going to waste money on a test. I know the chances of me getting pregnant are slim with what is going on, that is why I need the fertility monitor. I pray that one of these times though, when I am feeling sick that it does turn out to be a baby and not indigestion or the flu. I noticed that today my mucus is white and sticky which it used to be like right before I had a bleed. Maybe I will have a bleed this week? If not, at least there is some presence of estrogen in my body. The mucus wouldn’t be clumpy or sticky if there wasn’t. Sorry for the mucus talk but as you ladies know, cervical mucus is the best way to figure out what is going on with your body…and to me the fact that I have it is a good thing. Well, I think I am going to get to work now. I am going to start charting my temps and CM on my chart on babymed.com again. I will try and post the readings from the fertility monitor (if it ever starts working). Just wanted to recommend the RESOLVE community for anyone out there going through fertility issues. There is a link on the right-hand side of my page. The site is a great way to meet others going through similar situations and also has great resources to help guide you through the fertility issues you may encounter. Hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday. The sun is out and spring is here…thank goodness, I am going to enjoy it!

An "Ah Ha" moment and a story about annoying cowboys and cowgirls

Ok, so first I really need to vent about the jerks that butted in front of my friend and I at the Clay Walker concert on Friday night. The concert was in a local bar so it was first come first serve as far as a spot to stand in while you watched the concert. My friend and I arrived around 8:30. The opening act was set to start at 8 but we were surprised to find that nothing had started when we got there. We grabbed a few sodas and headed to get our spot in standing room. We got a great spot front and center about 5 rows back. Unfortunately the opening act started an hour and a half late and went for about an hour and a half. Then the stage crew had to set things up for Clay Walker and band. The actual concert didn’t start until around 11:00 PM but my friend and I were not giving in. Even though she was pregnant and tired and my feet were killing me in the spike heels I had decided to wear, we were not giving up our spots. Well that didn’t matter anyway because as the lights dimmed and Clay Walker was announced, I felt a large shove to my right and a group of rowdy, drunk cowboys and cowgirls were pushing their through to get the spot that they thought they deserved. They were actually causing people to fall down they were pushing so hard. I was super pissed as one of the guys proceeded to stop directly in front of me, his ugly straw cowboy hat was almost hitting me in the face. As the music started, he then started dancing and leaning back. I had to lean back for him not to hit me. Annoyed and tired at this point, I tapped him on the should and politely explained that I had been standing here waiting for about 3 hours for this spot and that he had just butted in front of me and I couldn’t see anything. He started running his mouth and yelling at me and then decided not only to not move but invited his two drunk friends to stand with him. One of them, decided to stand behind the guy in the straw hat next to me. I thought he was just being nice, but about five minutes later, he was putting his arm around me. After the third time he did it, I put my hand up and yelled “I’m married”! He gave me a strange look for a minute and then moved in on another woman standing there. Anyway it just makes me so mad that people think its ok to just bulldoze their way through and take what is not theirs. I mean the fact that the drunk guy in the cowboy hat got angry with me when I asked him to move is just not okay. I was so tempted to just take his hat off and throw it like a Frisbee. I am happy however to report that he did take his hat off when he got hot from all of his dancing (jumping up and down).. and he is bald. I know its mean, but that made me feel. The concert was great even though I had to peak through peoples arms or crouch down to see. Before the concert, my friend and I were having dinner talking about my medical issues. I was telling her that I felt like my ovaries still had some function. I had changing cervical mucus and even the last doctor I saw said the POF/POI doesn’t mean there isn’t any function at all, things just aren’t working completely like its supposed to (remember the sputtering car analogy?). That same doctor also said it would be very difficult to catch when I was ovulating because I may not have the same signs a normal functioning cycle would have. My friend had given me an ovulation predictor test from Clearblue that she used to get pregnant a few months ago but I didn’t think I could use it since it was based off of your last period and you set it after the start of a new cycle. I had an “Ah ha” moment while having dinner with my friend. Why not set the test to day 5 and take the tests for a few days each week to try and see if I am ovulating but just not building up enough lining to have a bleed? My friend is a genius, why didn’t I think of that? I decided I would test for two months to see if there were any changes in my fertility during that time. While I was trying to go to sleep after the concert, I was reciting the letter to my ovaries and it hit me. If I was having perfectly normal periods in 1999 when I went on the pill and I didn’t ovulate the whole ten years I was on the pill then………where are the eggs/follicules I had in 1999? If I haven’t been having bleeds, then the eggs should still be in my ovaries right? It’s not like I have been having period throughout the ten years, my bleeds have been from the pill. Just a thought….I really don’t believe my diagnosis. Happy Monday and may it fly by for you all!

A letter to my Ovaries....and a link to get Great GFree Recipes

So first things first. I wanted to share a great website to all the G-Free (Gluten Free) peeps out there. I stumbled upon it while doing research and believe that it may be one of my new favorite sites GingerLemonGirl.com http://gingerlemongirl.blogspot.com./ She is a southern woman who has put together a collection of gluten free recipes. Here is a link to 2 great cakes (Carrot & Chocolate) http://gingerlemongirl.blogspot.com/2008/03/2-everyday-cakes-gluten-free-casein.html. Hope you enjoy them and thanks GingerLemonGirl for taking the time to share recipes will all of us flour deprived people! So now that I have given you your helpful information for the day…it is my turn to purge my feelings. So I had a series of strange dreams last night. One of them was me recalling an embarrassing moment in high school during a drill team practice in 1999. Let me help set the scene….The drill team director insisted that we wear ridiculous, spandex, matching outfits (one for every different day of the week) to practice in. Oh yes it gets better…we had a schedule of which outfit we were to wear on each day. It changed every month and if we didn’t have the right thing to wear or were missing a piece of the outfit which sometime included a spandex belt (yes like the “units” we wore in the 80’s) you would get demerits which if you got to many of it could get you kicked off the drill team. I wont even go into what our game day outfits looked like…think Harold’s with a kmart twist..it wasn’t pretty. Anyway this particular day in practice we were wearing our bright turquoise spandex outfits with leotards and matching units belt. We were practicing in the school cafeteria because it was raining and I was struggling through another dance routine this time with really bad cramps. I had started my period the day before and back then, the first couple of days were brutal. As I bent down to stretch in-between practice runs one of my friends started laughing and ran up to me to whisper something in my ear. I had bled through and it was really bad. Being a young girl, you try to avoid moments like that. I remember being glad it happened though because I got to change out of my hideous turquoise spandex pants and practice in black sweatpants. I woke up really sad from this dream. How could my ovaries be working so well back then only 10 years ago and now be failing me? Why would my body allow me to have two periods this past September and October only to produce an even higher FSH in December and no period for the last 4 months? It is so sick but I wish right now I would get a period and it would be so bad that I had a spot on the back of my pants the size of a basketball! I think I would take a picture of it and post in on my facebook page. Like …look what I did! I wish I could watch the Midol commercials and relate to the women talking about their cramps and I wish I could spend some of my hard earned money on a box of tampons each month. After I woke up my mind kept racing so I got up and started getting ready for work. I know I keep writing this but…I just really don’t believe I will never have regular periods again. If I had a problem, you would think it would have shown up when I started my menses (that word really bothers me). I started my period in 6th grade, had normal cycles, with some cramping. I have gone to my obgyn at least two times every year for check ups and nothing had ever come up as abnormal until last April when this whole thing started. So this leads me to desperation, (got the idea from my friend the Fertility Chick who recently wrote her cervix)….I am now going to write a letter to my ovaries…sorry you have to experience this…hear goes…..


Dear Ovaries, I know that you and I don’t talk much but I thought I might try this as a last resort. I know that you have been enjoying your time off, as we all do, and I don’t mean to bother you on your day off but…wait a minute your vacation was over almost a year ago and you still haven’t clocked back in. Thank you for coming in for the brief meetings in September and October, I really enjoyed the two month project but I was hoping that you could try working a little bit more for the next maybe 10 years? I am willing to overlook your recent absence since you have been a reliable part of my team in years past. Consider the past year of vacation a gift from me to you. How about you come back to work, give it all you can and once we have two or three new “customers”, you can take another break in 10 years when we hit 40 years as a team? Another 10 years of service is all I ask. Most ovaries have to work until their bosses are at least 50 and I am willing to cut 10 years off the contract if you will come back for the next 10. When I hit 40 we can go back on BC and you can go on a permanent vacation again. Please consider this offer. I really miss working with you and really hate your replacements, Progesteronia Supplementa and Hottie Flash. They make me feel uncomfortable and emotional, it just isn’t the same without you. I hope that you consider this offer and to see you soon. If you do choose to come back, we will celebrate with chocolate , a good lifetime movie and go to Sams and buy a 6 month supply of tampons!

Thanks and hope to see you soon.-your Boss

Hope they take the offer! I know you think I’m kidding but you have no idea how serious I am right now. I hope that my ovaries heard every word of that as I thought it and then typed it out. Mind over matter they say! Anyhoo hope you have a good weekend everyone!

One in One Thousand...Yeah Right

Oh my, I have had an interesting morning. Thought I would vent a bit…hope you don’t mind. I have decided the it should not be socially acceptable to blow your nose or hack up fluid while you are on a treadmill in a public gym. While struggling to hit two miles on the treadmill this morning, I was forced to end my work out early when the woman next to me started hacking up fluid from her chest and blowing her nose. She followed the nose blow with an uncovered sneeze and that was enough for me. I pressed stop on the treadmill and quickly walked away covered no doubt in her germs…and I didn’t even get to cool down! In my opinion, doing anything with snot while working out next to complete strangers should be considered against social norm…just like blowing your nose at the table. If there is a possibility you could be sharing your snot or that moment with anyone but yourself….go somewhere else!!! Not that I am not understanding, I myself have been really sick the last two weeks. When I need to blow my nose, I make it a point to step out of a meeting or go to the bathroom. I dont make someone else participate in that moment...now if someone happens to walk into my office while I am blowing my nose then that is their fault because I was trying to do it in private....am I still writing about this??   After the mucus packed workout, I was running late for work..yes again. I had to park on the 7th level of the parking garagage. Usually I park on 1 or 3 so you can imagine how annoyed I was when I got in the elevator at 7 carrying a huge box of binders and cringed as the elevator stopped on all but one of the floors on the way down. Decades later, when the elevator finally got to 1, I had 10 minutes to walk three blocks, ride up 17 floors to my office and be in my 7:30 meeting...did I mention I am wearing high heels today? I don’t have to tell you I didn’t make it, I think it is pretty obvious. Somehow I am still in a great mood today. The sun is shining, the week is almost over and I have some fun plans this weekend. I am managing to push the non-stop cramps I still have into the back of my head. Still hoping and praying that they will one day lead to a period :0) A woman can dream cant she? After doing some googling this morning, I have come to the conclusion that I have post pill Amenorrhea. Post-pill Amenorrhea is described as the lack of menstrual periods for at least 6 months after stopping birth control pills. In a normal menstrual cycle (without birth control), the pituitary gland produces hormones like Follicle Stimulating hormone (FSH) and Leutinizing Hormone(LH) to stimulate the follicles in the ovary to develop. The enlarging follicles produce estrogen as they grow and develop.. Progesterone is then produced after the follicle ruptures (called 'ovulation')at around the 14th day of the cycle. Birth control pills contain the hormones, estrogen and progesterone. When women take these pills, the levels of the above mentioned hormones in their blood increases. This increase in hormone levels then sends a negative feedback to the pituitary gland indicating that there is sufficient estrogen and progesterone in the body. As a result the pituitary gland stops producing FSH and LH. I think this is what is going on with me. Mix in my Celiacs producing ovarian antibodies and you have a recipe sure to stop making my endocrine system for working properly. The only thing that keeps me from being 100% positive on this is that a low level of FSH is usually present with post-pill amenorrea and as you have read before…I have a high FSH. But who is to say my body isn’t reacting differently. http://www.gynaeonline.com/post_pill.htm If you do some online research on going off of birth control, you will read over and over again that birth control affects every woman’s body differently. How can doctors make a statement like that and then make a diagnosis one month after I got off the pill that I will never have a period again and I am going into menopause at age 28? In the United States, 1% of women are diagnosed with POF/POI (I prefer POI, insufficiency is a much better word then failure don’t you think?) So I am to believe that I am that 1%. The 1 in every 1,000 women that have ovarian insufficiency? Call me naïve or stupid but I am still not convinced that my cycle isn’t going to come back to me. Statistics alone make me feel that something else entirely could be going on with me internally. I have a better change of winning the Colorado state lottery (ok maybe a bit of an exaggeration but the chances of 1 in 1,000, really?) Maybe I should sing that Celine Dion song “it’s all coming back all coming back to me now” over and over again while I am in my car? Maybe then my body will get the hint that the vacation from producing hormones is now over and it’s time to get back to work?? Check out the information I found on POF/POI this morning http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/255974-overview. I really hope the reproductive endocrinologist is ready to see patients soon. I am excited to meet with her and see if she will be willing to try therapy to restore ovarian function. If not, I am excited to get that visit over with and move on to my appointment with the fertility specialist the first week in May, Then I can finally move one step closer to becoming a mom. I am just ready to move on from this chapter of my life, go on hormone therapy if I must and enjoy my family (which I hope will include more then my husband and my two adorable Chihuahuas very soon). Before I end this blog, I wanted to share some information with those of you lovely ladies that are currently living in the Denver area. I have been going to Avanti Skin Center of Denver for almost two years now to get my facials and peels and I also purchase my skin products there. I received an email yesterday that they are starting a new skin wellness program for $99 a month. I know this seems like a lot of money but one facial or peel can be $125.00. The monthly program includes: One facial or peel per month and one hand microdermabrasian or eye brow wax, 10% off all image medical grade products and 20% off any laser package. Minimum fours months when you sign up but I am going to see if they can take payment out each month and not pay all at once. Check them out http://www.avantidenver.com/index.php, I really enjoy the services I receive when I go there. They are located right by the Cherry Creek mall…and no they are not paying me to share this with you, I just think it’s a rocking deal and wanted to share. I know $99 seems like a lot but Eva Longoria (who looks amazing) was quoted in an interview that she hasnt had any work done, she just has a facial or peel done one a month....that is enough convincing for me but here is one more for you if you need it. A new pair of shoes or new outfit can last you one maybe two seasons tops...but your skin is forever.  Now go treat yourself...you can always go to DSW or TJ Max and find a great deal on a new pair of shoes so you can get the best of both worlds!  Happy Thursday and remember you are the exception!

here a cramp.......there a cramp

Holly cramp! I have some weird cramping this morning.  I think my right ovary is going to explode! When I was driving to work it felt like something was in my ovary knocking to try and get out. Maybe I am finally ovulating after a 4 month break? Or maybe its the progesterone supplements? I'm going to go with its ovulation because that makes me feel better. I can't chat long this morning. I decided to do an extra long workout and got to work a bit late...oops.  This is day 9 of me not being able to smell or taste anything. Stupid cold season!  How I miss the taste of my Starbucks coffee in the morning (don't worry it's decaf, dont want to ruin my chances of conceiving by drinking to much caffeine). And now....a little update.  I made an appointment to receive applied kinesiology treatments next Friday, 3/12.  Applied kinesiology is used to 'muscle test' your system to see if the following systems and markers are out of balance, and to see what specific supplements or herbs will correct that imbalance. This person was recomended to me and at this point I am going to try anything. Kinesiology can remove negative charges and blockages in your body. Lord knows after a year of taking fertility drugs..I am sure to have some negative charges. I will let everyone know what I think of the treatment. Could be all I need? After getting two periods with accupuncture and chineese herbs, I am a big believer in chinese eastern medicine. It has been around a long time so they must know what they are doing. Just in case, I have made a follow up appointment with the fertility specialist (CCRM) on May 7th. This will be to start the IVF process.  My husband and I havent been there since the dreaded ultrasound in May 2009 where the specialist told me I would never have a period again (liar, I have had two since then) and that I wouldnt have children with my own eggs. I wanted to make the appoingment so we have it. By May, I will have met with the reproductive endocrinologist. If she says she doesnt want to try any therapies to try and restore ovarian function hen I am set to start the next step to becoming a mom in May.  With an 80% success rate, IVF with donor eggs is my next step. I have thought this over allot in the past year. I really want to try and give birth to my children and that may be my only way. Besides, how cool would it be to give birth to an IVF baby and have my cycles start up again after I give birth? It has happened to women before.  You have to go on through fertility problems believing that you are the exception. Just that postivie attitude can do wonders for your body.  At the begining of my fertility journey, I spent so much time being angry and playing the victim that I created so much negative energy.  I truly believe that if you believe something is going to happen, then it will.  Everytime you start thinking something negative counter act that negative thought with two positive thoughts.  After a while, you wont even have to think about doing that. Ok, have to go earn some money now.  Here is a link to a list of things you should explore to help improve or restore your fertility. http://www.fertilityacupuncturist.com/fertility_treatment.html. Applied kineisiolgy is on the list.  Excited to see how the treatment goes next week.  This friday, I am considering becoming a blonde for awhile.  Don't know if I have the kohonas to actually go through with it though and dont know if I have the personality to be a blonde??? We will have to see. Happy hump day and remember stay positive!!!

..And another one bites the dust!

Good Morning and happy Tuesday to all!  I am sad to report that the doctor recommended to me by a friend (doctor number 5) is in agreeance with all of the other doctors I have seen. I have POF and IVF with donor eggs is going to be my only option.  Surprisingly enough, I didnt even get upset after he told me that.  He did say that there is a small percentage of women whose cycles just start again out of nowhere, but it is a very small percentage and I may not want to wait around for the next 5 years to see if that happens. He compared my ovaries to a sputtering car.  It starts when you turn the key and will get me to work but will it get me to Kansas (from Colorado)? probably not.  I asked the doctor if it looks like I have any ovarian activity and he said that my estrogen levels are not consistent with my fsh levels and that the fact that I have cervical mucus and have had periods shows that someting is going on.  He suggested I go to the reproductive endocrinologist to see if there are any therarpies they can do but he thinks IVF with donor eggs will be my only option.  I have accepted that but I am not giving up hope yet.  Once the reproductive endocrinologist says no then I will have excercised all my options and will make an appiontment to go back to the fertility specialist to start the IVF process.  How I wish I could have monthly periods again!  Seriously the feeling of having to change a tampon because I have such a heavy flow would be so great right now. I welcome it, please please come back! I took you for granted!  I called the reproductive endocrinologist's office and they anticipate scheduling to start mid-march to the end of March so I will have my answer soon. I just dont get how my cycle could be perfectly normal 10 years ago when I went on the pill and now it is non-existent with no family history of this sort of thing.  I am telling you people....this is because of my celiacs and because I was on the pill for so long. If you think about it, the combination doesnt sound good...an auto-immune diseanse and putting fake hormones in my body for 10 years.  Why am I the only one who is thinking this though?  Please period gods, bring back my aunt flow. she can even stay longer then her usual week visits the second time around.  Enough of my babbling, while waiting to meet with doctor number 5, I read Conceive magazine and decided to join the site and read some news articles.  There is some pretty intersting stuff on there today.  There is an article about a woman who had her fertility restored by receiving an ovarian transplant.  She has had two babies by receiving frozen ovarian tissue http://conceiveonline.com/fertility-news/ovarian-transplant/. There is also an article on natural light and your fertility.  Suggests that our body's cycles/internal clocks are all based on light. Might be something to that?? Mentions statistics on women who slept with a 100 watt light bulb next to them at night were able to better regulate their cycles.  I have tried just about everything...accupuncture, yoga, special fertility messages, fertility bracelet (yes I thought the stones in the bracelet were magic....and still do), so I guess I will look into the products they suggested in this article. I do work over 40 hours a week indoors...maybe I do some more light and vitamin d in my life. Here is the link to the site http://conceiveonline.com/fertility-health/light-and-fertility/. I am also going to see someone who can get rid of the negative charges in my body.  A family friend suggested I try it and why not I have tried just about everything else right? Hope you find the articles interesting and my thoughts and prayers are with all you wonderful women going through your fertility problems..we will all get through this together. 

G-free info..and that's about it for today

So I don’t have much to say today..cherish this because it doesn’t happen very often. I have discovered that my sinus infection isn’t going to go away on its own and I am going to be forced to go to the doctor on my home from work today. Goodbye $25 for my co-pay! Just hoping to hear from the endocrinologist’s office this week. If not, I will be forced to call the office again, I really hope they don’t get mad at me, I am just trying to make my dream of becoming a mother and having a period a reality and no one is going to stand in my way, I mean it. I just wanted to let all of my celiacs followers in on some important information. A co-worker of mine found me snacking in the kitchen and told me that Costco is now carrying gluten free products, specifically gluten free flour which can be really expensive to buy in the normal grocery stores. This conversation led me to do some research and I found that Costco also sells ready to eat, gluten free meals for adults and children. Also why I am sharing information…for those of you in Denver, Einstein’s Bagels Denver locations are now testing Gluten Free Udi’s bagels. Udi’s has amazing g-free products so this is exciting news. Hopefully, Einstein’s will have a great response and decide to continue carrying these bagels. Then us g-free folk will be able to enjoy a breakfast sandwich like everyone else :0)

Why strangers find the need to ask???

I woke up yesterday with the start of a sinus infection…booo. I refuse to miss work because of it though, I’m not gonna. I will just end up cleaning the house and doing laundry not even resting so I might as well be here at work not getting behind right?? I am chugging emergen-c so hopefully it works. Still no visit from Aunt flow and still no call from the reproductive endocrinologist’s office. This wait is going to slowly make me go insane!!!! I am waiting until the end of the week and then I’m calling again, I don’t care if I am annoying the secretary this is my health we are dealing with here people! So I wanted to share a story from last Saturday night. During the day on Saturday, my mom and I met a friend of mine for lunch and then walked around the local mall. I was surprised to see a ton of very pregnant women there which really upset me. My mom tried her best to make me feel better but when I pulled into the garage I was still upset. I was surprised to find my husbands family in the living room when I got home. I felt better seeing everyone as I walked in. We decided to go to dinner at a local Mexican restaurant that my husband’s family has been going to for over 20 years. This location is new but the owners are the same. When we first sat down, the owner’s sister came over and asked my father in law “is this your only grandchild?” my father in law just nodded. Then she looked at my husband and I and said “what is going on, you guys don’t want kids”. Shocked we just sat there for a minute and then my husband said “well we have two dogs right now and that is enough”. She seemed to be happy with the response and went about her business. When it was time to pay the bill she was the one who brought us the bill. As my husband handed her his card she said “well I hope that you two decided to have children they are such blessings”, my husband just smiled and said “we are trying”. The owner’s sister then said “well great, if it is meant to be then it will happen”. She is lucky she walked away when she did because I was about to hit her right in-between the eyes. She had taken a lovely dinner out with family into another situation that reminded me of the situation I am currently in. When she asked that question, it was like a slap in the face. Why do people who hardly know you think its ok to ask “when you are going to have kids”? To me, it so rude to put someone on the spot like that. There I was enjoying the evening with family, trying to forget about all of the pregnant women at the mall and right about the time I forgot, there is someone else reminding me…and I hate when people tell me what is meant to be will be because I don’t want to believe I wasn’t meant to be a mother!! Enough about that….I received a call from an insurance agent this afternoon. He left a voice mail while I was in a meeting so I am anxious to call him back after work and see what he has to say. Maybe he found some coverage?????

Progesterone Supplements? Or no Progetserone Supplements...that is the question

Hello world, I’m back…after a much needed break! I don’t have much to blog about today. Enjoyed the long weekend, got a facial, bought groceries and hosted a game night at our house for V-day where I learned some new tricks to Guitar Hero (yes I know it’s sad that I am still playing video games at age 28 and am better then my husband who plays the real guitar). I did want to share a few things that I have been doing in order to prepare for the possible fertility treatment costs. I called and asked my insurance agent (my dad) to check with various companies he does business with to see if any of them cover infertility and fertility treatments. I figure any monthly premium has got to be better then paying $15,000 out of pocket, right? Another thing I did which I read about online….Having determined that the insurance provided to me by my company does not cover infertility and fertility treatments; I wrote a letter to the Human Resources department asking if they might change coverage to include some infertility/fertility treatments. Currently, my company provides financial aid to employees who go through the adoption process and also cover all pregnancies that occur naturally without any help but there is no coverage for anyone in-between the two which is 1 out of every 10 women. Over 50% of companies that provide this type of coverage only do so because an employee asked so I figure what the heck. I am also considering taking myself off my natural progesterone supplements until I see the new doctor in March. My grandmother, who is a retired nurse, thinks that my body won’t do what it is supposed to if I keep giving it hormones it doesn’t have to work to produce...kind of what birth control does. I see her point but am scared to go of the supplements because I don’t want to make my FSH go up. I keep going back and forth on whether to stop taking them but I have had cramps the last couple of days which makes me want to stay on them. Man, I wish that my period would just start and this would all go away. This weekend while I was cleaning out my closet, I heard a commercial for Midol and found myself wishing I had periods so heavy and crampy that I needed a whole bottle to make me feel better….sick huh? For some reason, I still think everything is going to be ok. I had completely normal periods, started my period at a normal age, no one in my family has had fertility problems. I really think the reproductive endocrinologist will have some answers for me. I just have a feeling that my body just cant “re-start” after being on the pill for so long and I think my Celiacs also has something to do with it. Hope everyone has a great day!

Help finding fertility insurance coverage...anyone?

So the quest to find fertility insurance is one that is going to be very difficult. The state of Colorado doesn’t have any mandates in place which means that insurance companies are not required to provide any coverage on fertility treatments. My father is an insurance agent and is helping me do some research. I am hoping to get coverage in case I need it. Right now I am just trying to be proactive in getting coverage in case I need it. What I would really like is for my body to freakin wake up already. I am hoping that my body just needs a little help getting my brain to “talk” to my ovaries and then I will be fine. If not, I want to be ready to move onto the next step in trying to get pregnant. Does anyone know of any companies that provide coverage for fertility treatments? I know it might be a hefty monthly premium but anything is better than paying for the treatments all by myself. Any suggestions?

Insurance Information

Happy Monday to everyone! I am going to start this blog off complaining..weird right? I never complain. When my infertility journey started last May, I called both my primary and secondary insurance companies to see if either would cover my acupuncture treatments. My primary said they didn’t cover it and my secondary said that they did cover it. All I had to do was pay out of pocket and then submit the receipts. It is now 10 months later and I have yet to see any of that money. For months, I would log on to view my account and see that the processing had been stalled because they needed a diagnosis code, or a letter from my primary insurance or my primary insurance information. I provided everything I could to them and after not receiving a check in January, I called them last Friday afternoon. What they neglected to tell me in May when I called is that acupuncture is covered, but only after my $3,000 a year deductible. So not only am I not going to get any of the $1,500 I spent in 2009 on acupuncture back, it will not be able to count towards my total in 2010 because it is a different calendar year which means….I am out that money. Moral of this story, when you are calling your insurance companies to see what they cover and don’t cover, please be sure to ask if the coverage is before of after you meet some kind of deductible. I don’t even care that I’m not getting the money back because my acupuncture has been my saving grace through this whole process. Carol, my acupuncturist, is incredible and she is very encouraging. In my experience, you rarely find doctors in the fertility field that are positive so you if you find one…keep them around you are going to need them. Right now, I am sort of getting my financial ducks in a row. I am trying to get insurance coverage for fertility treatments. My secondary insurance will cover up to $15,000 for life which is great but may not be enough. I have been doing some research and below is what I found on the Shared Journey website. Link is http://www.sharedjourney.com/costs/insurance.html.


There are three types of fertility insurance:

1. Standard Health Insurance: Standard health insurance requires that you pay a monthly premium in exchange for specific fertility coverage.

2. Refund Programs: With these types of programs, you pay up front for your fertility treatments. If you do not have a baby, between 70% and 100% of the money is paid back to you.

3. Financing: Loans can be taken out to cover infertility procedures. If you do not have a baby, these loans do not have to be repaid in full.

You need to ask what the insurance will cover. Medications, IVF, IUI, etc.

Who Can Get Fertility Insurance?

Unfortunately, not everyone can get fertility insurance. Though it varies from insurer to insurer, there are normally certain qualifications that you have to meet before being approved for fertility insurance. To qualify for infertility insurance, couples who already hold an insurance policy usually need to be: under the age of 40,struggling with fertility for a specific period of time (ranging from one to five years) and policy holders for at least one year.

Laws Governing Fertility Insurance

Depending upon where you live, there are different laws regarding fertility insurance. Some states have a mandate that requires all employers with more than 50 employees offer health care coverage that includes some type of fertility insurance. These states include: New York,New Jersey, Ohio, Montana, Massachusetts , Arkansas, California, Rhode Island, West Virginia, Texas, Maryland, Connecticut, Hawaii , Illinois. Other states have no mandate requiring employers to offer fertility insurance.

Are You Covered?

Before undergoing fertility treatments, it is important to check your insurance policy to see if any fertility treatments are included with your plan. Be sure to ask your employer for a copy of your full insurance policy, listing all inclusions and exclusions. If fertility treatment or testing is not specifically excluded in the policy, your provider is required to pay for the treatments. Write a letter to your insurance provider asking for detailed information regarding your infertility insurance or speak with your insurance broker. If you are not covered, you may be interested in investing in an infertility insurance policy. Call your local providers and ask for an insurance quote.

It is important to also remember that if you will have to get more coverage, not to come out and say you need fertility treatments. Insurance companies will be reluctant to cover anyone who already knows will need expensive treatments which can be costly to an insurance provided. I’m not telling you to commit insurance fraud, I am just saying to only give the necessary details. Hope this information helps! I am off to find out what my coverage on my primary is.

Goodbye Starbucks and an Insurance Question

Ok, so I am officially giving up caffeine again. I think it’s causing my night sweats and flashes during the day. When I didn’t have caffeine in my diet, I didn’t have any signs of them and now that I am drinking it again I am getting flashes during the day and sweats at night. I don’t know what I will do without caffeine! The walk to Starbucks in the middle of my morning is that perfect 15 minute break from the craziness that is my life. I walk in and they know my name, what I want and I can sit and enjoy my soy, pumpkin spice latte without any phone calls or emails. I suppose I could still go and order decaf….but what’s the point? Why take in the calories if it’s not going to help keep me awake? Maybe I will take the three dollars I was spending every morning and at the end of the month and spend it on something for myself as a reward for no longer drinking Starbucks? After all, don’t I deserve something for making the lifestyle change? Soy is not good for fertility anyway. Well actually depending on who you talk to, Soy is really good or really bad for fertility...everyone has their own opinions. I just believe everything affects everyone differently. Like perfume for example. One perfume can smell amazing on one person and smell really bad on another….yes, I just compared my fertility to perfume…we all know I have issues. This girl isn’t going to take any chances, seems like I already have enough things working against me on the fertility front. No more soy and no more caffeine. Last night my husband and I had a “passion moment” which I have previously written scares me more then it pleases me. It really hurt, I am hoping because it is because of where I am in my crazy cycle and not because the lining of my uterus is continuing to thin. I miss the days of being able to enjoy passion moments without worrying about it hurting or things getting dry. I waited so long to find the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with and now we can’t even enjoy our passion moments as we should be able to. I will continue to believe my body is on a siesta and also continue to have hope that my new doctor will be able to help me get things moving again. Enough about me (at least for now), today is the last day to answer the current questionnaire on my blog. I will post the results tomorrow and put up a new questionnaire. I will also start giveaways the first week in March. Items will be related to fertility, women’s health and of course fun things like clothing and purses. I will do one giveaway a week. I hope that you will continue to follow me as I find out if natural conception is in my cards or if my husband and I will be trying IVF. Oh, I almost forgot! Does anyone know how I can get insurance coverage for fertility treatments? Is there a company any of you used when you went through IVF treatments? My husband’s insurance covers only one treatment and I have been told that most of the time it takes two treatments to get preggers. I just want to be prepared.


I wanted to share the post below. Pretty amazing and thought it went with my “perfume” discussion above regarding how everyone’s body is different. This and other information is available at babymed.com. Babymed is a great online community for all of you with fertility issues, questions or have no issues and are trying to get pregnant. Free ovulation predictor and other tools. Check it out and I hope you are encouraged by the story below. Thanks for following and I hope everyone has a great weekend!

“I was on the birth control pill for about 10 years. When I quit taking the pill I did not have a period FOR 6 YEARS! I tried provera which is a drug that is supposed to jump-start a period, 3 times, and it worked I tried clomid which is supposed to make you ovulate. No pregnancy. I did nothing for at least 6 months now and I started a period naturally on Dec. 13th! After 6 years! I thought I would never have kids much less a period. These doctors knew nothing. They would try to tell me maybe I was too thin 5'8'' & 115lbs. basically accusing me of being anorexic. No one not even a fertility specialist said anything about "Post-pill amenorrhea" which is seen in 1 of 30 women. Here six years later I am finding this out. So I guess I say to all of you, never give up. I am taking advantage of this one lucky period in hopes of conception or a second period to come.”

ANNONYMOUS

Tax Problems and Advice...take it or leave it

Last night my husband and I went to see our tax lady and were very excited to see what we were going to get back. We were sure a good return was in the cards for us. Turns out us not having a child or in tax terms “dependent” caused us to owe! I almost fell off my chair when the tax lady said that we. Come on! How the F, can we possibly owe the government money after we watched them take over 40% of our pay/bonuses in 2009? After demanding an explanation from my tax lady (who could tell I was on the verge of tears), I listened and cringed every time she said the phrase “because you don’t have any dependents”. There I was, trying to stay freaking positive, trying not to focus on my fertility issues and just trying to get some long deserved money from the government and there was my daily fertility reminder! Just let me be happy and positive please! I mean it’s not like we are choosing to not have any dependents so please lets dig the knife deeper into the wound! To make matters worse, we were not able to write off any of my medical bills since they didn’t exceed the certain % of our combined income. Don’t get me wrong, I feel very blessed that both my husband and I not only have jobs but are both doing very well in our jobs. It’s just that we were hoping to use money from our tax return to save for IVF and also hoping to get some of the money back we spent on fertility drugs, appointments and acupuncture. For those of you “dependentless”, my tax lady told us a few things we could do so that we can get a good return next year.


1. Increase the amount we are putting in our 401Ks each month

2. Donate more or at least keep track of what we donate

3. Be sure that both of you are claimed as 0 and not 1 on your W2. Once you have children, one of you will need to claim 1 and the other 0 or else you wont be able to get the dependent write off.

4. If you purchase a car in 2010, get an equity loan? Have no idea what that means?

I had a hard time getting to sleep last night because I was so upset over the “no dependent” thing and because I was dreading waking up from a night sweat which has become a regular occurrence. Not sure why? This morning I had an abundance of thick, white CM. This is encouraging to me so despite what all of the doctors have said I am going to continue to believe things are going to get better. I am no longer eating gluten (wheat), I am watching the caffeine and alcohol intake and am going to start taking all of my supplements again. I will help my body heal and I will have a baby. I am starting to look into getting better insurance coverage for my fertility treatments, wish me luck! And best to luck for everyone as they do their taxes! Good articles to ready today….

1. Information on how Celiacs is related to fertility issues

http://www.celiac.com/articles/643/1/Fertility-and-Pregnancy-in-Women-with-Celiac-Disease-by-Michelle-Melin-Rogovin/Page1.html

2. Information on fertility meds (stimulating the endocrine system) http://www.havingbabies.com/fertility-drugs.html

Happy Hump Day to Me

I am sad to report that I didn’t get to catch up on my sleep last night. I did try my best. My husband and I went upstairs and laid in bed around 8:00 PM and I started to doze off immediately. He kept waking me up because he couldn’t go to sleep, who does that? Especially to someone who has trouble sleeping? He finally went to sleep and allowed me to doze off only to me awaken by one of my Chihuahuas licking my face at 12:30 AM. When I woke up, I realized that I was really hot again which upset me and I never went back to sleep. My mind started racing. What if this new doctor cant help me? Will I be successful with IVF & donor eggs? Etc. Etc. It is now 6:57 AM and I am exhausted with the puffy eyes to prove it. Maybe that is why I am so pissy today. While riding the mall shuttle from the parking lot to my building, I sat in-between a couple who were with there little girl. I don’t have kids (not my choice) so I am going to guestimate that she was about 4 or 5. I know it was about 5:30 AM but I am pretty sure that I saw that both parents were wearing sweatshirts with marijuana leaves all over them in gold or silver. Now I don’t want to judge what people should and shouldn’t wear but isn’t that wrong to wear things like that around your children? I mean once your kids are a certain age shouldn’t you try and filter what they see and hear as much as you can? I mean those people might as well buy the little girl one to wear! I am probably just over reacting due to lack of sleep, constant cramping from my progesterone supplements and no period for three months…but in my opinion you really shouldn’t wear shirts, pants, jackets or even earrings with bad messages on them around your kids.


I will get off my soapbox now. I am also unhappy to report that I heard from my current OBGYN’s office yesterday. I had called to get some prescription refills while I wait to get into the reproductive endocrinologist. When I called a few days ago, I put a few questions in to the doctor, one being if I actually have hypothyroidism or had the doctor just put me on thyroid medication due to some low readings trying to stimulate my system. Translation…do I need to be taking this medication the rest of my life? Or was this for the treatments you were trying. Are you ready for the frustrating part of this story? After almost 11 months of testing…my answer was “we don’t know”. I was hoping to be able to tell the reproductive endocrinologist whether I did or did not have hypothyroidism but here I am 11 months after originally being diagnosed with POF and I still don’t have any answers except that I have ovarian antibodies and that I tested positive for some but not all signs of Lupus and I might have hypothyroidism. So I am paying $70.00 every three months for a medication that I may not have to take. I pray that one of the appointments in March leads me closer to some answers. I just have this feeling that my body is trying to have a period but something isn’t working, I just need someone to find out what that “something” is…maybe it’s my brain?

Morning of Panic!

Today I woke up in a panic around 10:30 PM last night…yes I said woke up, I am a grandma and fell asleep around 8:30 PM. I was soaking wet from a night sweat which immediately sent me into a huge panic. That is the first time since June that I have had a night sweat which immediately makes me think my body is no longer producing the necessary hormones, like estrogen and progesterone. I somehow got back to sleep and then woke up again at 3:00 AM soaking wet again and just decided to get up and get ready for work. I have to wonder if my fertility yoga might be causing my body to try and “work things out” with my endocrine system. What if the yoga is causing my body to try and get the old fertility system moving again and that is why I had the night sweats? Why else would I be getting them again, all of a sudden after over 6 months? I have started eating dairy again and did have a huge chocolate weight watchers ice cream bar before I went to bed, maybe my change in diet after 6 months also had something to do with it?? I am just not convinced that my fertility is never going to come back. I still maintain that after 10 years on the pill and eating gluten/flour when I have Celiacs have caused my body to go into some kind of shock. The endocrine system is one of the most delicate in the body and any doctor will tell you that no one knows for sure what the pill does to women’s bodies….but lets prescribe it to millions of women like its candy instead of teaching us the signs of when we are most fertile! I am now forced to wait until March to see another doctor. I called the reproductive endocrinologist’s secretary again yesterday and the license is in but now starts the scheduling. I was told the doctor would start seeing patients around March 1st and that I was on the list of people who needed to be scheduled. Let the waiting begin….again…… I called another obgyn that a family friend referred me too. He is very popular in the Denver area and is known for taking the fertility specialist rejects and has helped many get pregnant. My family friend encouraged me to give it a try. I had an appointment in January but had cancelled due to weather and just now decided to call and reschedule. The only problem is that he also can’t see me until March 1st. I am however on a waiting list and am hoping I get a call before March 1st. I am reluctant to wish March upon me because that will mean I will only have one month until I have been off the pill for 1 year and once you have been off the pill for one year and are not pregnant…you are deemed “infertile”. Yes, the month of April bring Easter, a trip to Vegas, my 29th (not 30th) birthday and a definite diagnosis of me being infertile! So I am going to leave you with this today, a friend of mine at work grew up in a Mormon compound. One of the women in the compound was unable to have children so each of the other women in the compound gave birth to one child and gave it to the “infertile” woman. The infertile women produced milk for each of the children she mothered even though she was not the one who gave birth to them. So I ask you this, if her body could produce milk when she wasn’t even pregnant, why cant our bodies heal and do other miraculous things? This story although strange in more than one way is very encouraging because it just proves to me how amazing the human body is and that no one, not even the most prestigious doctors, know exactly what our bodies are capable of…and that my friends is why I am not giving up! I am however choosing to cut dairy out of my diet again….at least until the next chocolate craving..and am going to continue the fertility yoga dvd. I have cramps again today and I really think that is what caused the night sweats…it is working! Having Tuesday everyone!