My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Friday, March 26, 2010

When You Wish Upon A Star.........

A new kickboxing class to help get my frustrations out
A new found love for eating things that are good for me
Cramps for a whole week …and nothing more :0(
Only a few more days until vacation!

First I must tell you that I have found a new obsession….other then my blog of course! I attended a free kick boxing class at a boxing facility by my house last night and just loved it. I came out of the class feeling like a new woman. As I punched and kicked the bag, I was thinking “take that infertility” and “take that high FSH”! I am not normally a violent person but I am telling you, hitting things (as long as your doing it a socially acceptable way) really makes you feel better. I talked it over with my husband, and I am going to cancel my other gym membership so I can continue going to kickboxing. I am really excited to purchase my membership! So hiyah! Watch out infertility, I am going to fight you in more ways then one now! Throughout most of the day yesterday, I had some cramping in my lower left abdomen and I noticed it again as I was getting out of my car to go to class. I wondered if I was pregnant but then reminded myself that I hadn’t had what appeared to be fertile CM for quite some time and my temperatures had been the same for almost two weeks now and who knows what they were before I started keeping track again. Regardless, some cramping is sign of life in there, and I perfectly ok with that! I know things are going to be different in 2010! After the kickboxing class, I noticed that the pain over my left ovary was worse. The pain convinced me to purchase a home pregnancy test on my way home from work today. I should probably make sure before we go to Las Vegas next week anyway. Trying to relieve the cramping, I got my heating pad out and laid it on my abdomen while I watched my Thursday night shows. After about an hour with the heating pad on, I took it off and did some of the massages mentioned in “The Infertility Cure”. As I drug my hands in a circle over my lower stomach, I noticed there were lumps of tissue or something I could feel. This scared me at first but as I felt around, I kind of played with the lumps and decided that this was just fatty tissue. It is definitely something I will mention during my annual next month though….don’t want to mess around with lumps. What a horrible word “lump” is. Yesterday, while trying to keep myself busy, I decided to look up some natural ways of lowering FSH numbers. I was surprised to see that I was already doing many of the suggestions. Wheatgrass is known to help lower FSH numbers and can be taken in tablet or liquid form. You would think that being Gluten Intolerant, I couldn’t take Wheatgrass but there is actually no wheat in it. Funny huh? I am currently taking one Wheatgrass tablet every morning. Acupuncture, femoral massage and yoga are all also known to help lower FSH because they allow the blood to move more freely into the ovaries which in turn, helps to stimulate the follicles. This keeps the pituitary gland from releasing to much of the FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) allowing the reading in your blood to go down. Getting the blood to circulate to the ovaries more easily with lower FSH and improve quality of the eggs in the ovaries. I am going to continue doing all of these things and take my calcium and anti-oxidant vitamins every day. I have noticed that I am not able to sleep very easily anymore. I am wondering if this is a reaction from stopping the progesterone supplements? I just lay awake at night and feel like all of a sudden I have a ton of energy that I didn’t used to have. It is either the absence of my beloved progesterone supplements or a result of my new organic lifestyle. Perhaps eating really healthy is giving me more benefits then I realized and my poor diet was making me tired before making the switch. I feel even more inspired today then I did last week! I can feel myself getting healthier and for the first time in a long time truly feel happy and at peace with things. I think that is because I know that no matter how I have to go about it…pregnancy could be rounding the corner for me in May. I hope that my FSH has lowered enough by May 7th for the fertility specialist to allow my eggs to be extracted. That would be so amazing! What would be even more amazing is if my husband and I could walk into the appointment with the fertility specialist pregnant and ask for help with the high risk pregnancy. This is what I dream about every night….and as I learned from Walt Disney…dreams can come true.

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.