My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Happy Hump Day to Me

I am sad to report that I didn’t get to catch up on my sleep last night. I did try my best. My husband and I went upstairs and laid in bed around 8:00 PM and I started to doze off immediately. He kept waking me up because he couldn’t go to sleep, who does that? Especially to someone who has trouble sleeping? He finally went to sleep and allowed me to doze off only to me awaken by one of my Chihuahuas licking my face at 12:30 AM. When I woke up, I realized that I was really hot again which upset me and I never went back to sleep. My mind started racing. What if this new doctor cant help me? Will I be successful with IVF & donor eggs? Etc. Etc. It is now 6:57 AM and I am exhausted with the puffy eyes to prove it. Maybe that is why I am so pissy today. While riding the mall shuttle from the parking lot to my building, I sat in-between a couple who were with there little girl. I don’t have kids (not my choice) so I am going to guestimate that she was about 4 or 5. I know it was about 5:30 AM but I am pretty sure that I saw that both parents were wearing sweatshirts with marijuana leaves all over them in gold or silver. Now I don’t want to judge what people should and shouldn’t wear but isn’t that wrong to wear things like that around your children? I mean once your kids are a certain age shouldn’t you try and filter what they see and hear as much as you can? I mean those people might as well buy the little girl one to wear! I am probably just over reacting due to lack of sleep, constant cramping from my progesterone supplements and no period for three months…but in my opinion you really shouldn’t wear shirts, pants, jackets or even earrings with bad messages on them around your kids.

I will get off my soapbox now. I am also unhappy to report that I heard from my current OBGYN’s office yesterday. I had called to get some prescription refills while I wait to get into the reproductive endocrinologist. When I called a few days ago, I put a few questions in to the doctor, one being if I actually have hypothyroidism or had the doctor just put me on thyroid medication due to some low readings trying to stimulate my system. Translation…do I need to be taking this medication the rest of my life? Or was this for the treatments you were trying. Are you ready for the frustrating part of this story? After almost 11 months of testing…my answer was “we don’t know”. I was hoping to be able to tell the reproductive endocrinologist whether I did or did not have hypothyroidism but here I am 11 months after originally being diagnosed with POF and I still don’t have any answers except that I have ovarian antibodies and that I tested positive for some but not all signs of Lupus and I might have hypothyroidism. So I am paying $70.00 every three months for a medication that I may not have to take. I pray that one of the appointments in March leads me closer to some answers. I just have this feeling that my body is trying to have a period but something isn’t working, I just need someone to find out what that “something” is…maybe it’s my brain?

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.