Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I have been having dreams about trying to get pregnant or being pregnant all of a sudden. I honestly cant remember dreaming about anything up until mid March and I am wondering if this has anything to do with my finally deciding to relax and let “it” go. Perhaps my yoga, femoral massages and visualization exercises are part of the change as well. Before, when I would try to visualize a pregnant belly on myself, I wasn’t able to see it. Now when I do that exercise, I get through it with no problem. All day yesterday my boobs were hurting and I had a little bit of cramping. My CM was thin and clear in the morning and yesterday evening was very thick and white and I noticed that my boobs hurt again this morning. Only time will tell if I am ovulating but waiting is killing me! Zoltar said to just believe and live a fancy and free life so I am letting nature run its course and enjoying the new purse my husband gave me (that’s the fancy part of Zoltar’s advice) & the other blessings in my life. I am going to call today and cancel the appointment with the fertility specialist on May 7th. I know I wrote that yesterday but I am flip flopping back and forth on whether I should go or not. I really want to try my new fertility diet mixed in with my yoga, visualization, vitamins and boxing (to get out the stress) until August to see if I can get my FSH down to at least 20. 20 and under is what fertility specialists require before they will work with you for egg extraction or IVF. I would like to at least lower my FSH naturally instead of using fertility drugs to do it. I really think that if I am having second thoughts about this appointment, I am not ready to throw in the towel on my body just yet. I mean…this time last year I was told my ovaries were collapsed with no follicles/eggs and less then two weeks ago my ovaries were round with follicles. When I first started all of my eastern medicine treatments, I was expecting an immediate response from my body. That is kind of how our society is these days always wanting and needing instant gratification. For example, people don’t want to loose the weight so they get liposuction & people don’t want to wait until they have the money to buy something so they take out a line of credit. It turns out my body just needed some time to heal from me eating gluten for 22 years of my life when I was allergic to it and from taking birth control for 10 years. I have learned so much since starting this journey but here are some of the most important lessons I have learned….yes I am going to enlighten you. One, patience is a virtue that I have never experienced before. I am slowly but surely learning that you must wait for good things to happen and that I can’t just expect things to happen, I have to earn it. Two, the human body is truly amazing and if you take of your body, your body will take care of you. Three, there is no such thing as a healthy quick fix. For example, you may loose weight taking water pills for that spring break trip but if you don’t give yourself a heart attack from lack of nutrition…you are going to gain the weight back plus some. The way society runs today, we are not taught to take care of ourselves. Instead, the focus is on how good you can get yourself to look, in the shortest amount of time. These days our bodies are being filled with heart stimulating supplements, soft drinks, fast food, coffee, meat with hormones and the list goes on and on…and I haven’t even mentioned the things we do to our bodies from the outside such as tanning beds. It seems that back in the good old days, you didn’t hear much about women who had fertility problems. Maybe this is because back then, people only ate what they needed to eat in order to keep their bodies going and didn’t see eating food as a luxury or an activity. Portion size has more then doubled in the past twenty years and most entrees in restaurants are filled with white flour (which is really bad for fertility) and all kinds of harmful hormones. If you think about it, why have portions changed so much? We are all the same sized people why do we require more food? Food has gone from being essential to being a luxury. We not only eat what we need to survive, we eat what tastes good and eat a lot of it. With the bigger portions of today, cleaning your plate before getting up has a whole new meaning. I just think diet is playing a key part in the rise of fertility problems and many other health problems in the last decade. A good friend of mine wrote me this morning and asked if I had heard of the movie and book series “Crazy Sexy Cancer”. She told me that the film & books are based on a documentary of a young woman who is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and works with alternative medicine to shrink her tumors and heal herself. The movie trailer on the website is so inspiring; you really should check it out http://www.crazysexycancer.com/. My friend wrote that if this woman can treat her cancer by taking care of herself, then I can conceive! Thank you Devo for that motivation and it is so true! If I wasn’t truly inspired by the improvements in my last ultrasound or my luck in Vegas, this women’s story has gotten me there. …and although I said in my blog yesterday I was going to get a juicer, I had secretly settled on the idea of just drinking V8 in the morning but after watching the trailer of Crazy Sexy Cancer, I will officially be getting a juicer after pay day this Friday. For those of you who don’t know, it takes more energy for your body to break up solid foods so if you drink your fruits and veggies your body gets to process more of the vitamins and nutrients instead of using them up as energy to digest your food. Yes…..I am full of information….and don’t say I need to get a life…this is my life! In the media reel on the Crazy Sexy Cancer website, the young woman was quoted “life is a terminal condition; we are all going to die. Everyone just kinds of waits for permission to live when we all have it in us to live our lives however we want to.” And I leave you with that …happy weds., everyone!