Slideshow

My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

Please Help Fund My Research

Economically Organic

Today on Economically Organic:
Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.



Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

My First Appointment with the Hynotist

The hypnotist was a really great experience. Although I couldn’t tell you much that she said to me during the actual hypnosis, I can tell you I already feel better. It’s like the past has been erased from my brain. I can still remember things if I want but I don’t have this overwhelming sense of sadness anymore. The session started with us reviewing my past anything that had been traumatic/affected me in any certain way. My family, my husbands family, my marriage. Then we discussed my diagnosis and my hopes for the future then she went over facts about hypnosis, why it works and some success stories from her practice. She said that most people were broken by the time they came to see her most having already gone through several failed IVF treatments and having nothing else to try. She also told me about a women who had been in menopause for almost four years who came to see her and said she wanted to have a period. They did a few sessions and the woman had a period. I mean come on if she can, I can. I explained my desire to have my own children and to restore my periods and she said she could help me. Then we went over a method she discusses in her book called the cancellation technique. Basically anytime someone starts saying negative things towards you/your health or anything in your life. You can simply state you are going to cancel them out either in your head or out loud not allowing you to store the unpleasant thoughts and beliefs in your subconscious. You simply choose to not believe or accept what you are hearing. Hypnosis helps us because we as humans tend to hold on to things. She explained that when a cat has a traumatic experience, like encountering a dog in the yard, they get all fired up and hide until the dog leaves then forget about the whole incident and when the dog is gone, lay in the sun just as they were before like nothing happened. We humans are not like that. When we have a traumatic experience, like a car accident, we are immediately on our phones telling our loved ones, then the next day at work we tell our coworkers and emailing friends we haven’t gotten a chance to talk to and then that next weekend we are at dinner and retell the story. Our conscious mind doesn’t know the difference between the incident happening and talking about it.  Every time we even think about the incident, our bodies can think it is reoccurring which can keep us in a constant state of fight or flight which can shut down systems in our bodies and never allow us to rest.  Hypnosis allows you to get into your subconscious and release any of the events that keep reoccurring in our minds, kind of like hitting the reset button. We started out the session with her guiding me through my whole body and relaxing literally every muscle. She lost me about relax your arms and I rejoined the somewhat conscious world and heard “you are a menstruating woman”, fell asleep some more then came to and heard “when you get upset picture yourself having a period or holding your baby” fell asleep again and didn’t wake up again until I heard her counting.  She said that when she told me that when she was talking about me complaining with my friends about cramps I smirked and that other then that it had gone well. I was told I needed to follow up with an appointment within the next two weeks and then we could expand them out to once a month so I made another appointment for August 5th and she gave me a guided relaxation cd to use three times a week and I was on my way. I was kind of in a funk the whole rest of the day and I noticed that throughout the weekend, I didn’t feel sad once and as I sit here at work, I haven’t been tempted to do any medical research at all!!! I am excited to see what the next month brings to see if the reset button worked. I have also decided the in order to keep doing the research I have been sharing with all of you wonderful readers, I am going to start asking for a $1.00 donation. I will use the donations to help fund the research. Hypnosis, chiropractics, acupuncture, herbs, IVF, yoga and any of the new fertility breakthroughs that come about. None of it’s cheap or covered by insurance so I am going to have to ask for an optional donation. It doesn’t mean I don’t love sharing, it just means I need help to fund the research.

A Few Extra Pounds to Carry Around and Our First Dr. Willing to Work with Us

So I think, rather I know I am having one of those “I’m feeling sorry for myself “ days. I have started to notice (and so had my husband) that I seem to be gaining weight at a very abnormal pace and although I could eat a bit healthier on the weekends, this weight gain cannot possibly from what I am eating/drinking. As we talked about it this morning I came to the realization that is most likely hormones…or lack of… in my body. It is very sad. I used to have a great body that worked for me both inside and out and now it seems that it is failing me in every way.  I went from being a confident woman to not even wanting to go out in public.  I just don’t know how I got here. It seems I either need to stop taking the estrogen and progesterone or start taking more. DHEA is actually given to people to help them loose weight so it can’t be that. I cried on the phone to my husband this morning and told him I am ready to be done with all of this. I want my body back completely hormones and all and if that means going back on birth control or taking more hormones so be it.  I will not live this way hating the way I look. I have an appointment with my doctor next Tuesday morning and you better bet I will be asking for some blood tests and some answers. On a more positive note, I had a consultation with one of three doctors that work with high FSHers. This one is located in St. Louis and came very highly recommended off of one of the message boards I have been reading through. He was very friendly and has worked with many women in my position. There was one point in the conversation where he compared my fertility to the ups and downs of the stock market. I thought I might have to hang up but he recovered quickly. He stated that I needed to plan on 3-4 ivf cycles in case the first doesn’t work. Being that the under lying problem with my body right now is that my ovaries don’t respond, he can’t be sure how long or even if we could get them to respond with the treatments. We discussed the hormones I was currently on and he said he thought I just needed to be on higher doses in order to stimulate the follicles that what I was on right now just wasn’t enough to do anything. I would have a period of 10 days where I would need to be in town for each treatment which isn’t a bid deal with my family living there but I don’t know how I would get that much time off of work.  The doctor said it could work the first time or it could take a few cycles or it might not work but at least then I would know and be comfortable with using donor eggs. I thanked him for his time and he said he would be sending me some information on some of his patients like me who had success with IVF and said they would be contacting me soon. I am just terrified to try this and don’t think I am ready to spend the big bucks on it quite yet. I still have some time to decide as  I am meeting with two doctors here in Colorado before I make any decisions. It is good to know there are doctors out there who are willing to help me…at least with the baby thing. I go to see the hypnotist today which I am really excited about. Not really sure what to expect but I figure if she was interviewed on lifetime and has written a book full of success stories that she has probably worked with people in my situation. We will see. I just pray that I can loose the extra weight I am carrying around, I feel miserable right now.

Chiropracter Appointment and Birth Control Info

My appointment with the natural chiropractor is today at 4:00 PM. I went in a few days ago for an evaluation and xrays. The doctor said I was tight all over (is that another way of saying I am uptight?) and that when laying down on my stomach, my left leg was longer then my right so my hips are off. At the evaluation, I expressed my main interest in getting myself aligned and that I had done some research on chiropractics and fertility. The doctor went on to explain that the body is made up of nerves that deliver messages to all organs and tissues in our bodies. If the nerves are not able to deliver the messages as quickly or if their path is altered, it can affect different systems in our bodies, like the reproductive system. He also said that hormones can be affected by your body not being aligned which definitely will change how your reproductive system functions. We went over any symptoms I was having and I told him my lower back sometimes had some pain and that when I worked out on elliptical machines that my toes go numb after about 20 minutes. Also, I felt it necessary to mention that I my hip occasionally pops in and out and that I believe it is because my hip wasn’t formed all the way when I was born. I had to wear a hip brace the first six months of my life. I watched the nurse scribe all of this down and then we discussed how the lower back and hips are the area of chiropractics that is linked to the reproductive system. As I left the doctor shook my hand and told me he thought he could help me but didn’t know to what extent and then told me about an ex coworker who had worked the front desk for years and was trying to get pregnant but never got adjusted. She had to leave when her husband was transferred but by chance decided to go to a chiropractor in the city she just moved to and she had just called to tell him she had become pregnant about a month about starting to get adjusted. Although I appreciate the hopeful and encouraging story I had to wonder as I walked out of the office…..is it the actual adjusting that helps fertility or is it the relaxing time the men/women are taking to get adjusted away from their hectic daily schedule that could be making the difference? I have continued to do my daily meditations with the DVD’s I purchased. I find it so much easier not to think about wanting a child and can feel happy for others, attend showers and birthday parties without even getting upset…it is really nice to feel normal again and the visualization exercises keep me hopeful without having to think about it all the time. I am able to live my life to the fullest while I wait for my turn and motherhood. I have to say that I continue to have my point proven about birth control and what it does to women’s reproductive systems. Just this week I have received two messages, one from a follower of my blog and one from a friend both women are having problems getting their cycles to return after getting on the pill once they gave birth to their first children. If the pill is harmless as the doctors and pharmaceutical companies have been saying for years then why do so many women have problems getting their bodies to cycle normally when going off contraception? That is a load of crap! It messes up with our cycles, tells our bodies not to cycle as it should and then when we are no longer on the pill, our bodies still think they don’t need to cycle. Mix this in with the every day and ever rising stress of today’s woman and what do we have ladies and gentlemen? A whole generation of women who suffer from fertility issues. Don’t you think it is a little weird you never heard about so many women having fertility issues when our parents were our age? I used to think it was because it wasn’t acceptable to discuss things like cervical mucus and sex patterns in day to day conversations but I now believe it is because women are going through more in our day to day lives, our nutrition is much different and most of us have taken some sort of birth control at some point in our lives.

Giving a Fertility Specialist a Second Change?

Ok so more on the chiropractor front. I was doing a search this morning on activities in the metro area this weekend and ran into an ad for the place where I go for fertility yoga, Belly Bliss in Cherry Creek. They are now offering a hole list of services other then yoga that include, Nutrition Therapy, Acupuncture, Massage, Chiropractic, and Rolfing (not not ralfing, rolfing).  I was very surprised to see chiropractic listed on their website below is what was written under the heading “Recent studies indicate that chiropractic care can help women struggling with infertility. This is especially true for women diagnosed with “unexplained infertility”. The nerves that supply our reproductive organs are located in the lower portion of our back and sacrum. When biomechanical and structural stresses apply pressure to these nerves, they may no longer function at 100%. Interference with these nerve impulses can result in reduced function or over stimulation of the associated organs and tissues, resulting in symptoms. These symptoms can vary from pain, to spasm, to dysfunction of an organ or organ system. Many chiropractic patients have sought care for a low back or pelvic condition and found themselves pregnant! The average patient seeking care for infertility can expect to see positive changes in 3-4 months. This includes improvement in hormone levels, endometrial thickening, and normalization of luteal phases. Chiropractic care can be safely added to any existing fertility treatments” . I had already made an appointment with a natural chiropractor this coming Monday before reading this on the Belly Bliss website but perhaps I will have to make an appointment there too? Oh and in case you are wondering Rolfing is “a process of soft tissue manipulation designed to balance your body by releasing tension and strain. Rolfing moves beyond symptomatic relief, focusing on whole body alignment for sustainable change. Structural work is an opportunity to prepare yourself and your body for a comfortable and aligned pregnancy.”  Yeah I know, I still don’t really get what it is either just thought I would give you the definition. Also in recent news, I have been referred to CCRM by multiple people based on people recently becoming pregnant after trying for a really long time. The doctor in charge of these successful pregnancies is Dr. Schoolcraft. Now for those of you who are just joining this blog, CCRM is where this whole thing started for me. I saw a different doctor but in the 2 hour visit in May of 2008 my whole world came crashing down at my feet when I was told I had no eggs and no chance of conceiving on my own…both of which are not true.  The first time I was referred back to CCRM by a family friend I just shook it off immediately going back to the awful day but now that I have had two people suggest this doctor, I am thinking it might be worth a shot. On one of the message boards, I also read some encouraging posts from women with high FSH stating that this doctor is willing to work with high FSH’ers.  If my appointment at Conceptions doesn’t go as I would like, I will make an appointment with CCRM and try again, I mean maybe I just saw the wrong doctor before??? But I have to say I have read so many great things about Conceptions and Dr. Bush and have read a lot of negative things about CCRM….so I guess we will just have to see.

Not Giving Up and More Research

I would just like to say that I am giving into this diagnosis. I am tired of dealing with hit. I am going to focus on the positives, I don’t have to worry about purchasing tampons and pads every month, I don’t have to worry about when I can and cannot wear white and my hormones are always the same (good for the hubby). I have scheduled a consultation with a doctor in St. Louis to speak with him about IVF with high FSHers. I am curious to see if he has worked with someone who has POF. He was on the list of specialist who are willing to work with high FSHers. I am also going to make an appointment with a new fertility specialist here in Denver in July to see what they have to say about working with someone who has a high FSH. I think it might be different if you have POF but it is worth giving it a try. I am going to leave out everything that has happened and see what they come up with. I am going to see if they give me the same POF diagnosis or if they will give me a different diagnosis. I have chosen July for a few reasons, 1. I started the visualization and meditation exercises recommended by The fertile soul website by Dr. Randine Lewis, started the fertility diet in cooking for fertility (ok fine I cheat a little each day but it has got to be a little better then it was before) and my family is coming the last week in June. I figure having a month of positive thinking and eating might better my results…might sound silly but the mind can be a powerful thing.



I found this incredible website fertileheart.com where women discuss what they are going through in trying to conceive. The site has forums, call circles and advice from Julia, author of invonceivable.

• Notice the language you use. Your body is listening to every word you say. Are you infertile or do you have difficulty conceiving? Words can function as powerful fertility drugs htat increase fertility and they can also diminish the life force coursing through you. Consider deleting damaging fertility related diagnostic terms such as "poor responder," incompetent cervix, advanced maternal age especially when used by the Fertility Authorities you encounter on the road toward motherhood.



• Take note of any painful beliefs and images you may have about motherhood. The Fertile Heart Imagery Practice is aimed at repairing beliefs and images that no longer serve you.

So I have been a busy little bee lately. I have been doing a lot of research on hypnotherapy/meditation and fertility. I purchased two CD’s and downloaded them to my ipod and make sure to take 30 minutes each work day to do listen to a 20 minute meditation. It makes me feel better and I am also working on keeping my thoughts positive. I have been doing the meditations for a little over two weeks now and I am amazed at how much more relaxed I feel. I think stress is a big part of my problem right now. I also ordered cooking for fertility and am trying to follow it as closely as I can with my hectic schedule but basically it just tells you to follow a typical Japanese diet. Cooked veggies with grains, some wheatgrass and some green tea. I switched my workouts from running (which didn’t seem to be doing much) to dancing (wii zuma and just dance) and kick boxing. The cooking for fertility books listed dancing as a better exercise to do in order to get the blood flowing. I am also doing the abnominal messages every night before I go to sleep. This is to help the ovaries get the blood they need to be healthy. I have an appointment with Eastburn hypnotherapy in July and ready their book “it’s conceivable”. I have a good feeling about this. They will help me to relax and picture my life the way I would like it to be and to let go of all the crap I am holding in. I am also going to go to the chiropractor. They, like all the other doctors I have worked with, claim they can heal anything wrong with your body….and of course I have read some stories from medical journals regarding women who were unable to conceive, had their bodies realigned and then poof they were pregnant. I mean why not? Seems like I have tried everything else and I would like to go anyway. After years of dance classes I am sure I could use a good crack.

A Very Unlucky Squirrel and Some Research

Ok, so today started off badly. I got up late and was rushing into work. I was about half way to my office when I squirrel ran out in front of my car. I am one of those types of people that doesn’t really want to kill any of God’s creatures if I can help it so I swerved and missed the clueless animal but almost hit the person next to me and got a honk and the finger for my good deed. Why is it that when someone honks at you, you automatically get defensive and pissed off? I just don’t understand why, but that is one of the quickest ways to get me going….and not in a good way. I pull myself together and was feeling pretty good about the fact that I didn’t wave the same gesture back at the driver next to me and was relaxed and ready to start my day as I pulled into the parking garage. As I was getting my things ready to get out of the car, I looked down and realized my husband’s keys (car, house, garage,etc) where in my purse. Of course! I had to drive all the way home to give him his keys, so he could get into our detached garage and drive to work. You see, he has an extra car and house key but unfortunately we didn’t think to make an extra key for the door leading to the garage!! Don’t worry, I will be taking care of that this weekend. So here I sit trying to shake off the morning and relax. I decided to make an appointment for hypnosis in July. I am extending it out that far because it is $300 for the first session and I am going to break that up between a few paychecks. I am after all, saving for IVF and want to be practical.




I have been doing some research…ok I admit it, I haven’t stopped focusing on it…but at least my husband thinks I have :0)

Visualization

Doctors willing to work with high fsh’ers

http://thefertilesoul.com/chinese_medicine/?p=15

trying to decide if I should go back on my hormones

getting hit on by someone clearly over the hill instead of the hot buy in line at the grocery store

need to take adrenal supplement

reduce sugar intake

need to balance endocrine system

1) Nutritional status – the reproductive system, like the rest of our body, has certain nutritional requirements. Most of my patients are asked to avoid sugar, wheat, and dairy. They take nutritional supplements specific to their TCM pattern of imbalance. Most women with high FSH or poor ovarian reserve take supergreens like wheatgrass, royal jelly, and Co-Enzyme Q-10, to name a few.

2) Blood flow – a woman of age 40 typically has five times less blood flow to her ovaries than a woman of age 20. This dramatically impedes the attention that the ovary requires during the follicles’ all important growth phase, the 90 day process before ovulation in which the quality of the egg is determined. The follicles insist upon adequate oxygenation and circulation to function efficiently (i.e., with a healthy egg, capable of fertilization and implantation.) I teach women exercises which redirect the circulation to the ovaries. And, as always, their bodies respond.

3) Hormonal balance – the endocrine system is a delicate interplay of the reproductive hormones, stress hormones, and emotions, in symphony with each other. This system operates via feedback, which means that anytime you introduce an outside hormone into its influence, it shuts that system down. Synthetic hormones can’t cure hormonal imbalances, they can only override them. The endocrine system is the most sensitive bodily system which requires the perfect balancing act of multiple factors, inside and out. Like all other mammals, our bodies do not want us pregnant when our endocrine systems are stressed. At our retreats, we employ natural techniques to rebalance the hormones. These methods gently encourage the reproductive system to operate efficiently, while reducing the internal stress response. When we abide by nature’s own directives, an internal order awakens inside, and automatically knows the rules.

http://greenglasslove.blogs.com/out_damned_egg_out_i_say/2005/03/_high_fshthe_be.html





ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE, POOR OVARIAN RESPONSE, POOR EGG QUALITY DIAGNOSIS

Femoral massage to increase blood flow to the ovaries and uterus

Supplement the diet with wheat grass juice

Royal jelly

Co-Enzyme Q-10

Supplements to boost the essence – dong chong xia cao, tu si zi, fu pen zi, gou qi zi, che qian zi, wu wei zi, lu jiao jiao,

DHEA and L-Arginine can be used for Kidney yang vacuity without heat signs.



RECIPE: Fertile Soul Cookies

July 10th, 2010

The sweet healing properties of these cookies help soothe symptoms of PMS. Oats calm the heart, while coconut nourishes yin fluids like semen and cervical mucus.

Yields 12-15 cookies

Cooking time: 15 minutes

1 cup brown rice flour

½ cup tapioca flour

½ cup shredded unsweetened coconut

¾ cup rolled oats

½ tsp xantham gum

¼ cup melted clarified butter/ghee

1 teaspoon vanilla

½ cup agave nectar

¼ cup dark chocolate chips

¼ cup pumpkin seeds, crushed

1/8 cup goji berries

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Combine flours and oat, coconut and xantham in a bowl. Next add melted butter, vanilla and agave nectar mixing until thoroughly combined. Finally add chocolate chips, goji berries and pumpkin seeds and chill in the refrigerator about one hour. Drop spoonfuls of dough unto lightly greased cookie sheets. Bake for 15 minutes, remove from oven, and leave on pan for an additional 5 minutes.

Tags: cookbook, Cooking for Fertility, Dr Lewis, Kathryn Flynn, Rande Lewis, recipes, The Fertile Soul

Posted in Uncategorized
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Chocolate Mousse with Tofu and Avocado



Dark chocolate has numerous health benefits, including it’s arginine content, which encourages blood flow to the uterus and ovaries. Tofu is a healthful alternative to whip cream and eggs, and it preserves the creamy texture of this delicious mousse (along with the avocado). Using a low glycemic sweetener is important to stabilize blood sugar levels, and it is important for energy level, metabolism and balanced reproductive hormones.



Preparation time: 5 to 10 minutes

Serves 4 to 6



10 ounces dark chocolate, melted

1 package silken tofu

(optional: 1/2 an avocado)

2 to 4 tablespoons agave syrup

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

2 teaspoon vanilla extract



In a blender or food processor, puree the tofu (and optional avocado), along with the agave, vanilla and cinnamon until perfectly smooth. Add the melted chocolate and mix until fully combined.



Pour mixture in a bowl, and let sit in the fridge for at least 4 hours.

Hynotist Information

Well this weekend my husband had another long and emotional talk about the baby thing and how he simply can’t handle it ruling our lives anymore. He told me to just go in and do IVF with donor eggs, use the insurance and see if it works. If for some reason it didn’t work, then we would save for treatments without insurance. I started crying and told him I simply wasn’t ready to give up on my body quite yet. After the conversation was over and after some shopping with my mother, I sat down and did some research on hypnotherapy and infertility. There is a woman who specializes in this who was recently interview on the balancing act on lifetime tv. Her name is Lynzi Eastburn and in the interview she discusses that most of her patients are given less then a 1% chance of conceiving when they come to her. She also states that she believes the anyone who truly wants a child should be able to have one. I have left a message to make an appointment and am currently waiting for a call back.  I am going to try this before I make anymore decisions. Also during the weekend I saw on a few gossip magazines that Catherine Middleton may not be able to have children due to a childhood illness and also saw on the tv that Khloe Khardashian may also not be able to. In some of the research I read through this weekend, the fact that infertility in women seems to be continually rising was discussed. Do you think it could be our nutrition or lack of proper nutrition and the fact that 90% of us have used birth control at some point during our lives? I mean they have proven that hormones given during menopause can be harmful to our bodies so I am a bit confused as to why they haven’t come out and said the hormones in BC are just as harmful. Doesn’t it seem obvious?

Keep on Going

I am feeling a bit better today, well at least on the baby thing. I woke up with cramps so perhaps my upping the dosage of DHEA is doing something??? I started my savings account today for IVF. It will be a slow building savings but at least it is something and will give me piece of mind that as I build the account up, my chance at becoming a mother gets closer and closer. I am little upset that all my bills seem to have hit me all at once and I feel like I did when I was in college again.  I have a very little amount of liquid funds until payday this Friday.  I don’t have any reason to spend money but like most people, I don’t need a reason, I can very easily find a reason. This lack of funds is my fault, while on my trip at the mall with my friend, I did some retail therapy. I have no regrets and I want to point that out, I just wish I would win the lottery already! Well my plan to up my DHEA dosage seemed to be working yesterday. I had cramps yesterday morning and was planning on going home and attacking my husband. I made a nice Italian meal, lit some candles, turned on some Dago hits and sat and watched the Real Housewives while I waited for him to get home. As I waited, I felt a cold coming on. By the time he got home, I was congested with a sore throat. He wanted nothing to do with me and I can understand why. Nothing says “I’m sexy” like snot and dirty Kleenexes.  I had to chuckle though when he got up in the middle of the night and made sure I was covered up. Makes you feel good to know someone is watching out for you like that. I know I said I was taking a blogging break but I just have so much going on in my head right now. I have been doing a bunch of research on DHEA and I really believe this is going to be the magic pill...literally. I just have to take it for a bit longer. I don’t care about the acne, I have actually gotten used to covering it up and the hubby told me last week during one of my “I’m ugly with acne” moments that he loved me and was never going to leave me so to man up and stop complaining. If  a little acne is all I had to put up with to have the child we are longing for then we would take it.  I hate when he is right but he was…sigh. I had a frustrating conversation with some coworkers this morning on our way to coffee. I was discussing how frustrated I was that everyone I knew that had fertility issues have gotten pregnant…..everyone that is except me. They said that I just had to stop thinking about it and I was telling them that it is simply not possible to do that. They told me to let it be in gods hands. I have already done that, but I am only human and cant not think about it. How do I do that??? I mean I went off the hormones to help me not think about it as much and stopped acupuncture for awhile to but I am going to start back up next week. I need to relax once in awhile and it forces me to do so. I am going to save a few paychecks and get hypnotized in July.  Perhaps my body just needs to be told under hypnosis to take a chill pill and start working correctly. I know that sounds crazy but I am going to try everything. Like I said before, I am the human fertility guinea pig and will stop at nothing to get what I want. Dang it my whole has been that way!! Fight for what I want and I will eventually get it. This will be the same way…..even if it is with someone elses eggs. 

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.