My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

here a cramp.......there a cramp

Holly cramp! I have some weird cramping this morning.  I think my right ovary is going to explode! When I was driving to work it felt like something was in my ovary knocking to try and get out. Maybe I am finally ovulating after a 4 month break? Or maybe its the progesterone supplements? I'm going to go with its ovulation because that makes me feel better. I can't chat long this morning. I decided to do an extra long workout and got to work a bit late...oops.  This is day 9 of me not being able to smell or taste anything. Stupid cold season!  How I miss the taste of my Starbucks coffee in the morning (don't worry it's decaf, dont want to ruin my chances of conceiving by drinking to much caffeine). And now....a little update.  I made an appointment to receive applied kinesiology treatments next Friday, 3/12.  Applied kinesiology is used to 'muscle test' your system to see if the following systems and markers are out of balance, and to see what specific supplements or herbs will correct that imbalance. This person was recomended to me and at this point I am going to try anything. Kinesiology can remove negative charges and blockages in your body. Lord knows after a year of taking fertility drugs..I am sure to have some negative charges. I will let everyone know what I think of the treatment. Could be all I need? After getting two periods with accupuncture and chineese herbs, I am a big believer in chinese eastern medicine. It has been around a long time so they must know what they are doing. Just in case, I have made a follow up appointment with the fertility specialist (CCRM) on May 7th. This will be to start the IVF process.  My husband and I havent been there since the dreaded ultrasound in May 2009 where the specialist told me I would never have a period again (liar, I have had two since then) and that I wouldnt have children with my own eggs. I wanted to make the appoingment so we have it. By May, I will have met with the reproductive endocrinologist. If she says she doesnt want to try any therapies to try and restore ovarian function hen I am set to start the next step to becoming a mom in May.  With an 80% success rate, IVF with donor eggs is my next step. I have thought this over allot in the past year. I really want to try and give birth to my children and that may be my only way. Besides, how cool would it be to give birth to an IVF baby and have my cycles start up again after I give birth? It has happened to women before.  You have to go on through fertility problems believing that you are the exception. Just that postivie attitude can do wonders for your body.  At the begining of my fertility journey, I spent so much time being angry and playing the victim that I created so much negative energy.  I truly believe that if you believe something is going to happen, then it will.  Everytime you start thinking something negative counter act that negative thought with two positive thoughts.  After a while, you wont even have to think about doing that. Ok, have to go earn some money now.  Here is a link to a list of things you should explore to help improve or restore your fertility. Applied kineisiolgy is on the list.  Excited to see how the treatment goes next week.  This friday, I am considering becoming a blonde for awhile.  Don't know if I have the kohonas to actually go through with it though and dont know if I have the personality to be a blonde??? We will have to see. Happy hump day and remember stay positive!!!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.