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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.



Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Monday, March 15, 2010

A deep conversation with my underwear.....and a fun girls night out

Well today is the day I have been waiting for…my appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist. Luckily this weekend went by fairly quickly so I didn’t have to think about it much. Saturday was a day full of very strange events for me and then ended with seeing Chelsea Handler live. I started the day out by going and getting coffee with my husband and then started going through the entire house looking for items we no longer need for my garage sale that is happening this coming weekend (for gambling money in Vegas). We have so much stuff from when we were both single and living separate lives so I have decided to finally merge everything after living together for over 3 years. Goodbye silver wear that has been passed down 3 generations that looks like my ancestors personally carved your handles! I even decided to go through my underwear and get rid of those pairs that I had kept to wear during my time of the month…since I didn’t seem to need them anymore. All of us ladies have them…the old, comfy ones that the elastic is a bit stretched that you don’t mind if they get stained (sorry if that’s gross but it’s the truth). I was surprised that I started crying as I went through the drawer. How could I have had periods that stained my underwear and now have nothing? I picked up a pair and just stared at the stain for awhile…..I just refuse to believe my body can’t do this anymore. I even talked to my ovaries for a minute, “See what you can do, I know you will do it again.” Maybe it sounds pathetic but every one, even my ovaries, needs a little encouragement now and then. After talking to the stains in my underwear (I realize this isn’t normal), I decided to take a bath to relax and do some of the pressure points that are supposed to help restore ovarian activity (in the “Infertility Cure” by Randine Lewis). I was excited to use the bubbles I had recently purchased at a “Slumber Party” and I even lit some candles and put on a good lifetime movie (don’t judge..lifetime movies can be very empowering for women). I was laying there enjoying life until I decided to put my head under the water for a minute. When I came back up, I noticed the water wasn’t draining out of my left ear. I tilted my head for a minute…still nothing. I decided it was time to get out and start getting ready for my girls night out. When I left the house two and half hours after my bath the water was still in my ear , I swear I am the only person in the world who can’t even take a bath without getting hurt. I decided that I would stop on my way home from the concert and get some of those swimmer ear drops. I met up with my friends and we all packed in to my car (since I was already planning on not drinking in case they do any lab work today). This past weekend was Denver’s big St. Patrick’s Day celebration so the freaks were all out and to make it worse…they were drinking. We were on our way to pick up another one of the girls who had been enjoying in the downtown festivities when we stopped at a red light. All of a sudden a large group of guys who were crossing the street, started fighting directly in front of us. The light turned green as we all watched in horror as they continued the brawl in the middle of the street. After about five minutes, all of the cars behind me started honking. I panicked because I didn’t know what I should do. Do I act like I am going to drive into them and then they will move? What if they didn’t move and then started hitting my car? What if they jump on my car? All of these thoughts were running through my head. A stranger broke up the fight and everyone started to walk away so I started inching towards the intersection. As I approached the other side, they broke into it again and this time one them had his front teeth directly meet the curb. As he got up and stumbled to the sidewalk, we all tried not to throw up as he started picking his teeth out of his mouth. We zoomed by as soon as he managed to get out of the way not really sure if we were going to be able to eat after seeing that and all appreciating our front teeth. As we drove up to pick up our other friend, the mood immediately picked back up as we spied her making out with someone none of us new. Girls night was officially re-started, and what better way to start it with a make out in front of a bar at 4:00 PM? I would like to report that the restaurant we ate at was great, but it literally took one hour for us all to get drinks and an appetizer and even longer for all of us to get dinner. It didn’t matter though, we were all together, laughing and having a great time…and I wasn’t thinking about my problems. Chelsea Handler was really funny and I even purchased a book and got to meet her and have her sign it. If she knew how much I looked forward to her show each night….she makes me laugh. I have decided not to fax over my previous lab work to the doctor I am going to see today. I think that sometimes doctors see the past results and judge me before even talking to me. This is my last chance so I don’t want this doctor to say no before hearing my story. I continue to gather research of other companies in the peer group of the company I work for. I need to prove/show what other companies are providing on the insurance front for infertility/fertility treatments. The fact that I received a response from our benefits department is very encouraging. Maybe I will be able to make a difference after all…maybe I am going through this so I can help others? Well, I should probably get to work being that I am leaving in a few hours. Wish me luck!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.