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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.



Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Mighty Zoltar and my changing luck!

Today is my first day back in reality after my five day vacation. My husband and I had so much fun and were sad to leave but ready to see our fur babies…and I was ready to get back and get my diet back in order. For the most part, I stuck to my fertility diet with the exception of consuming some alcohol but I did make sure to keep out the Gluten and Diary. I felt a bit queasy a few of the days in the morning and a bit in the afternoon but it could have been a nervous tummy. Our trip started out by me jamming to the Charlie Daniels Band with the cabi on our way to hotel/casino. Along with the car karaoke, the driver also provided us with some fun facts on country music (how it originated and has evolved). This was a bit random but why not start out my trip singing the Devil Went Down to George as we pulled up to the casino? On the plane ride to Vegas, I re-read “Inconceivable” so that I could be sure I was doing everything possible to get my body working correctly again. The author of the book was told her FSH was too high and she couldn’t conceive with her own eggs. She explains in the how she works to heal her body & mind and is able to conceive a healthy baby girl. After re-reading this book I feel inspired all over again. Starting today I will be starting an even stricter fertility diet, getting a juicer and juice some fruits and vegetables, continue acupuncture, increase my visualization exercises and the last one is a bit groose but it is mentioned in the book….getting an enema. All of these items are mentioned in the book so I am going for it. I am also going to cancel the appointment in May with the fertility specialist. I don’t feel like I am ready to go back and the book also suggests listening to your body over the doctors because in the end our bodies know what is best for us.. With this new inspiration, I also feel like I have luck on my side for the first time in a long time. A trip to Vegas is expected to bring you back with less money then you left with right? …but my husband and I did very well at the tables this time. We couldn’t loose! We gambled for the first three days and by Saturday afternoon, we were ahead by over $1,500. My husband surprised me with a really nice purse and a designer dress and we went out on the town! That night, I woke up around 3:00 AM just in time to feel a sharp cramp in my lower abdomen. I am hoping that it was either me ovulating (an eggs maturing) or a baby attaching to my uterus we will have to see. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I wondered what had happened the night before when I felt the sharp pain and noticed that I still had some cramping. Wanting some insight, I decided to go and find the Zoltar machine (yes, the one from the big movie….his wish came true didn’t it?) I had seen in one of the shops to make my wish, get my fortune and my lucky numbers. My husband thought it sounded kind of fun, so we got dressed, grabbed breakfast and were at the machine by 10:00 AM. I felt nervous as I inserted my dollar and waited for Zoltar to come alive. Zoltar waived his hand over his crystal ball and told me that whatever it is I am wanting will happen if I just believe and that I need to just live a fancy free life and what will be, will be. Then Zoltar gave me a card with my fortune that stated that “a love with soon enter and add pleasure to my life and that I will find it difficult to know when this love begins. This love will be eternal – the aspect may change but not the essence. There is the same difference in you before and after this love as there is in an unlighted lamp. The lamp was there and was a good lamp but now it is shedding light too and that is its real function. As the greatest pleasure of life is love. Remember when this love comes or if it has already arrived the heart is wiser than the intellect.” I instantly thought of my faith when I read this…and when I read the parts about “the unlighted lamp & if it has already arrived”…I immediately thought about that possibility of me being pregnant. I know that most people believe that the Zoltar & any other fortune telling machine spits out the same five fortunes to customers daily but what happened next confirmed that this fortune was meant for me. On the bottom of the fortune card were six lucky numbers. After feeling like the fortune had hit a little to close to home, my husband and I decided to take the numbers and play them on the roulette table. The odds are not very likely to hit on the exact number you put money on but we figured these were supposed to be my lucky numbers and we seemed to not be able to loose…so what the heck. Well, we beat the odds and hit one of the numbers the very first roll and won $365.00! Zoltar thinks I can beat the odds! With Zoltar behind me there is no stopping me. If I am not already pregnant, I will be doing everything I can to get myself healthy and get things rolling again. It hit me while sitting in the plane on the way to Vegas…maybe I don’t have POF at all. Maybe this is my body’s way of telling me to take better care of myself. To stop eating gluten, drinking soda and to much alcohol and learn to relax and believe in myself more. I am more positive then ever and know that now it isn’t a question of “if I can get pregnant” it is “when will I get pregnant”.

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.