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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Morning of Panic!

Today I woke up in a panic around 10:30 PM last night…yes I said woke up, I am a grandma and fell asleep around 8:30 PM. I was soaking wet from a night sweat which immediately sent me into a huge panic. That is the first time since June that I have had a night sweat which immediately makes me think my body is no longer producing the necessary hormones, like estrogen and progesterone. I somehow got back to sleep and then woke up again at 3:00 AM soaking wet again and just decided to get up and get ready for work. I have to wonder if my fertility yoga might be causing my body to try and “work things out” with my endocrine system. What if the yoga is causing my body to try and get the old fertility system moving again and that is why I had the night sweats? Why else would I be getting them again, all of a sudden after over 6 months? I have started eating dairy again and did have a huge chocolate weight watchers ice cream bar before I went to bed, maybe my change in diet after 6 months also had something to do with it?? I am just not convinced that my fertility is never going to come back. I still maintain that after 10 years on the pill and eating gluten/flour when I have Celiacs have caused my body to go into some kind of shock. The endocrine system is one of the most delicate in the body and any doctor will tell you that no one knows for sure what the pill does to women’s bodies….but lets prescribe it to millions of women like its candy instead of teaching us the signs of when we are most fertile! I am now forced to wait until March to see another doctor. I called the reproductive endocrinologist’s secretary again yesterday and the license is in but now starts the scheduling. I was told the doctor would start seeing patients around March 1st and that I was on the list of people who needed to be scheduled. Let the waiting begin….again…… I called another obgyn that a family friend referred me too. He is very popular in the Denver area and is known for taking the fertility specialist rejects and has helped many get pregnant. My family friend encouraged me to give it a try. I had an appointment in January but had cancelled due to weather and just now decided to call and reschedule. The only problem is that he also can’t see me until March 1st. I am however on a waiting list and am hoping I get a call before March 1st. I am reluctant to wish March upon me because that will mean I will only have one month until I have been off the pill for 1 year and once you have been off the pill for one year and are not pregnant…you are deemed “infertile”. Yes, the month of April bring Easter, a trip to Vegas, my 29th (not 30th) birthday and a definite diagnosis of me being infertile! So I am going to leave you with this today, a friend of mine at work grew up in a Mormon compound. One of the women in the compound was unable to have children so each of the other women in the compound gave birth to one child and gave it to the “infertile” woman. The infertile women produced milk for each of the children she mothered even though she was not the one who gave birth to them. So I ask you this, if her body could produce milk when she wasn’t even pregnant, why cant our bodies heal and do other miraculous things? This story although strange in more than one way is very encouraging because it just proves to me how amazing the human body is and that no one, not even the most prestigious doctors, know exactly what our bodies are capable of…and that my friends is why I am not giving up! I am however choosing to cut dairy out of my diet again….at least until the next chocolate craving..and am going to continue the fertility yoga dvd. I have cramps again today and I really think that is what caused the night sweats…it is working! Having Tuesday everyone!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.