Jan 30th

Going to start this posting off with some information I know most of you just dont want to know....so being itimate with my husband has gone from a fun thing to something I have started to dread.  Ever since going off the pill I am very dry and it is no longer enjoyable.  It has become another thing I have to worry about because we both get frustrated when I am dry. Him becaues he thinks I am not enjoying it and me because I want to enjoy it and I dont want him to think I am not.  I have been using a pre-seed lubricant that works great but having to get up and insert that in can really kill the mood so I didnt. Saying the words "hold on oney while I put in my fake cervial mucus" really isnt sexy...Luckily things seemed to be working down there and we were able to have a nice night together...the things you take for granted.  Something I didnt think about before going off the pill and finding out my ovaries were not functioning right. I woke up this morning on the war path for some reason? I got up and made breakfast and then started cleaning and doing the laundry. My husband noticed I was starting one of my "emotional saturdays" and started helping me and for some reason I started picking a fight for him because he was helping me clean.  Why would any woman get angry with their husbands for helping with the chores around the house....who gets territorial over vaccuming?? Appareantly someone who is missing hormones.  I decided to go work out and pick up a few items I needed for a baby shower to get out of the house.  I managed to run over 2 miles without even realizing I was doing it. As I was stretching, I was looking out the window at a busy street.  I watched as a police lead funeral train came by and realized that I needed to snap out of this feeling sorry for myself thing I had woken up in. I had my family, my friends, my puppies, a great job and sort of my health? I really needed to stop being so angry and bitter. I left the gym feeling better but that was unfortunately wrecked as soon as I walked into BabiesRUs or should I call it "the carnival from hell"?  Lucky me, today they were having a special where you could bring in old car seats and strollers and trade them in to get half price on new ones. The whole store was packed, there were what felt like hundreds of parentless kids running around out of control and I was left to find the items on the registry by myself. For those of you who have been in that store it can be overwhelming on a day when there arent many people in there. On a day like today it is like being in a funhouse in one of those revolving tunnels.  I officially lost it in BabiesRUs and actually started crying, only then did one of the 17 year olds that work there offered to help me.  I am sure the kid who helped me thinks I have mental problems but at least I finally got some help!  The baby shower was much easier then I thought it would be.  I have such great friends and my friend who is due in a month and a half is doing great.  As I was sitting at the shower, I couldnt help but hope that someday I will have a baby shower of my own with my child sitting there in my belly.  I hope and pray that will happen some day...until then I will live vicariously through my friends and pray that they all deliver beautiful healthy children....and avoid BabiesRUs.