My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Economically Organic

Today on Economically Organic:
Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

More then a feeling.....

I anxiously drove to my doctor’s appointment yesterday ready for what results would be uncovered from this visit.As I drove up to the hospital, I turned the music down and had a quick pep talk with my body. “This is it, we have been working the last three months for this moment. It’s go time! Let’s get a good report so we can keep on improving without anyone doubting us. I am so proud of us for how much we have already accomplished and know we will get a good report since we feel so great.” With that I pulled out my keys, closed the door and started walking toward the building.As I walked across the crosswalk I felt like there was a tractor beam carrying me across the path, through the doors and landed me in front of the guest services desk.It seemed like I got to the desk very quickly, so quickly I could feel my feet. Having only been to this doctor one time before I had forgotten what floor they were located on. Guest services pointed my in the right direction and I took a deep breath as I walked out the elevator and onto the floor.I paid my copay and had only been sitting in the waiting area for about 5 minutes when the nurse came to get me.She took my weight and asked me a list of questions, including the one I dread “what is the date of your last period?” and then escorted me to the Dr. S’s office where we would be first reviewing results of my bone density test (taken last week) before she examined me.Dr. S was on her computer when I walked in and I took a huge deep breath in as I sat down and watched my results pop up on her screen.I released it as Dr. S said “these are really good.”It seems that my results were better then the average for a woman my age (without POF) and much higher then the average for a woman my age (with POF)!Dr. S said that this could be because things are starting to work again or that it could be because I am producing just the right amount of estrogen to keep my bones healthy. I will take either of those options, both are really great. As she explained this to me, my mind started to wander. Could this good result have anything to do with my diet and lifestyle changes? Could juicing things like broccoli, kale, wheatgrass and all of the other green vegetables actually be improving the quality of my bones?Why not? As I have already shared with you, Wheatgrass has an amazing list of health benefits, I am sure helping bone density is on the list as well.I gave my body an invisible pat on our back as we got up and walked toward the examination room with Dr. S.One test down, two more to go.I was handed a gown and asked to undress with the open side facing up. I changed, sat down on the examining table and the doctor and the nurse came in.I slid down to the edge of the table, put my feet in the stirrups and waiting for the exam to start. As Dr. S examined me she said that I seemed to have a lot of clear cervical mucus so it seemed that I was in the middle of a cycle. I told her I had seen a lot of it lately and she said that was a good sign. Next she felt my ovaries and said that the left one felt normal and that my right felt really large which usually means you are about to ovulate or have recently ovulated!This was good news, although I know that with POF my body can stop the process at anytime.“Keep going” I silently said to my ovaries as Dr. S finished the examination. Dr. S said that things seemed to be working and for me to call if I wanted to come in and check my FSH every so often. I got dressed and was escorted to get my blood drawn for a Thyroid and FSH test.The nurse that weighed me at the beginning of my appointment was also who would be taking my blood. She was really nice and funny and while she was taking my blood, we were discussing how we though 30 was the new 20 (not it’s not because we are both floating close to that current). It seems that through most of our twenties, none of us really know what we want in life, how to be completely responsible or just plain get adulthood. At 29, I feel like I am just now grasping what it means to be an adult.We laughed all through the blood draw which I was grateful for so that I didn’t have time to think about the last blood test results I had gotten in December. The nurse wrapped my arm, told me to call the next morning for my results and sent me on my way.On to the next appointment….another cleanse which went very well. I was excited to tell Mrs. W all about my good checkup. After my cleanse, she sat next to me while I laid on the Migun bed and we talked about my symptoms from doing the cleanse a few days before and the law suit that was pending on the birth control I had been on for many years. We decided I should look into side effects some of the people involved in the suit had just to make sure I didn’t fall in that category….probably a good idea.Mrs. W said she was going to start me on a superfood mix and a metal cleanse at my next appointment (which sadly I am excited about). I left my second appointment feeling great and ready for dinner.I managed to fall asleep and get ready for work without thinking much about my results. I had a feeling everything was going to be fine being that I have been feeling so incredible lately. I made my juice, drove to work and did my morning duties without giving my results one thought. After my morning meeting, it was time to go to Jamba Juice for my wheatgrass shot. I decided I would call on my to the juice place to get my results. Of course I got a voice mail! Man! I left a message with my cell number and patiently waiting for my turn at the Jamba Juice counter. I took my shot, drank my water chaser and was on my way back when my phone rang. It was the nice nurse who had taken my blood. She said my thyroid was normal (so no more of the thyroid supplements, seems that I don’t need them) and that my FSH was high, I gulped, she then said it was a 43. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and replied “well it was an 89 only 4 months ago so that is a huge improvement.”She agreed and said for me to call when I was ready to test again.My FSH has dropped over half since my last test, my thyroid numbers and bone density tests looked great and I feel better then I have in a long time…all in all life is pretty great. I can’t wait until this time next month to see how low my FSH will be then….I knew that I had more then a feeling!

The Passion Pen (Post from Monday 5//17)

As I got ready for work this morning I decided to switch out my purse and carry the nice one my husband got me during our last vacation. As I poured the contents of the older purse into the new one, I found a pen that a coworker had given me. He is an older gentlemen who is one of the most caring people I know. This pen has three different settings on it and each setting displays a different flashing red light. He had given me the pen a few weeks ago and told me that it was a “passion pen” to be used when my hubby and I were trying to make a baby.  I laughed and took the pen home to show to my husband who laughed it off and put it back in my purse.  Man do I wish I could just flip the switch on the pen and get pregnant…wouldn’t that be nice?? Finding the pen this morning reminded me how refreshing it is to have people in my life who genuinely care about me.  In the past few weeks, I have been overwhelmed with nice messages and I just want to say thank you to all of you…you know who you are.  I am happy to report that the new positive me still remains. I have yet to get sad since the last breakdown over 7 days ago. I co-hosted a baby shower over the weekend and didn’t get sad once. I did however get a few comments regarding a change in me.  One of my friends mother said I looked great and that there seemed something different about me.  I thanked her and explained all of the changes I had made and told her to read “Crazy, Sexy, Cancer.” She then said that if she didn’t know better, she would have thought I had a pregnancy glow. I laughed and said that I wasn’t pregnant yet but that it was great to hear she could see a difference. So I can’t remember if I have shared these few differences I have noticed since the diet change and starting the cleanses…..I have noticed that I am not growing as much hair under my arms or on my legs (not that I am making a habbit out of not shaving but I skipped a few days and didn’t even have anything to catch up on when I got around to it), I can go more time in-between hair washes (I said hair washes…not showering…please note I still take 1-2 showers a day) my hair just doesn’t get as oily as it used to, my coloring is improving and I no longer resemble the color of a banana, I feel really happy and positive…even when I shouldn’t (like when I am driving with someone and they get a ticket), my daily headaches are gone, I am not as hungry as I used to be, food tastes different and last but no least my skin is glowing. Have I convinced you to change your diet yet?  Yesterday,Sunday, was my liver cleanse day.  It doesn’t sound fun and believe me….it wasn’t.  You get up and drink a cup water with 1T Epson salt. An hour later you drink another cup of the mixture and then two hours later you drink ¾ cup grapefruit juice mixed with 1 cup olive oil….then you wait.  It seems that my liver is in really bad shape because I didn’t start “eliminating” until today (while at work)…lucky me. All day Sunday, I had other side effects of the cleanse such as nausea, sweating, exhaustion and a headache. Mix that together with the fact that I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything other then the mixes all day and that made it very difficult for me to not snap at anyone who was trying to have a conversation with me. It will all be worth it once I get to my cleansing appointment this afternoon.  My side effects and how long it took to eliminate will allow Mrs. W to have an idea of what is going on with my body.  I am very curious to see what she has to say and promise to take very good notes.  Before my cleanse I have an appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist that I saw in April. I have an annual appointment, ultrasound and lab tests scheduled.  I am excited to see how much my FSH has dropped since the dreaded results in December and to see what my ovaries look like.  I am sure I will have some positive information to share tomorrow.

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.