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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.



Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Monday, March 8, 2010

An "Ah Ha" moment and a story about annoying cowboys and cowgirls

Ok, so first I really need to vent about the jerks that butted in front of my friend and I at the Clay Walker concert on Friday night. The concert was in a local bar so it was first come first serve as far as a spot to stand in while you watched the concert. My friend and I arrived around 8:30. The opening act was set to start at 8 but we were surprised to find that nothing had started when we got there. We grabbed a few sodas and headed to get our spot in standing room. We got a great spot front and center about 5 rows back. Unfortunately the opening act started an hour and a half late and went for about an hour and a half. Then the stage crew had to set things up for Clay Walker and band. The actual concert didn’t start until around 11:00 PM but my friend and I were not giving in. Even though she was pregnant and tired and my feet were killing me in the spike heels I had decided to wear, we were not giving up our spots. Well that didn’t matter anyway because as the lights dimmed and Clay Walker was announced, I felt a large shove to my right and a group of rowdy, drunk cowboys and cowgirls were pushing their through to get the spot that they thought they deserved. They were actually causing people to fall down they were pushing so hard. I was super pissed as one of the guys proceeded to stop directly in front of me, his ugly straw cowboy hat was almost hitting me in the face. As the music started, he then started dancing and leaning back. I had to lean back for him not to hit me. Annoyed and tired at this point, I tapped him on the should and politely explained that I had been standing here waiting for about 3 hours for this spot and that he had just butted in front of me and I couldn’t see anything. He started running his mouth and yelling at me and then decided not only to not move but invited his two drunk friends to stand with him. One of them, decided to stand behind the guy in the straw hat next to me. I thought he was just being nice, but about five minutes later, he was putting his arm around me. After the third time he did it, I put my hand up and yelled “I’m married”! He gave me a strange look for a minute and then moved in on another woman standing there. Anyway it just makes me so mad that people think its ok to just bulldoze their way through and take what is not theirs. I mean the fact that the drunk guy in the cowboy hat got angry with me when I asked him to move is just not okay. I was so tempted to just take his hat off and throw it like a Frisbee. I am happy however to report that he did take his hat off when he got hot from all of his dancing (jumping up and down).. and he is bald. I know its mean, but that made me feel. The concert was great even though I had to peak through peoples arms or crouch down to see. Before the concert, my friend and I were having dinner talking about my medical issues. I was telling her that I felt like my ovaries still had some function. I had changing cervical mucus and even the last doctor I saw said the POF/POI doesn’t mean there isn’t any function at all, things just aren’t working completely like its supposed to (remember the sputtering car analogy?). That same doctor also said it would be very difficult to catch when I was ovulating because I may not have the same signs a normal functioning cycle would have. My friend had given me an ovulation predictor test from Clearblue that she used to get pregnant a few months ago but I didn’t think I could use it since it was based off of your last period and you set it after the start of a new cycle. I had an “Ah ha” moment while having dinner with my friend. Why not set the test to day 5 and take the tests for a few days each week to try and see if I am ovulating but just not building up enough lining to have a bleed? My friend is a genius, why didn’t I think of that? I decided I would test for two months to see if there were any changes in my fertility during that time. While I was trying to go to sleep after the concert, I was reciting the letter to my ovaries and it hit me. If I was having perfectly normal periods in 1999 when I went on the pill and I didn’t ovulate the whole ten years I was on the pill then………where are the eggs/follicules I had in 1999? If I haven’t been having bleeds, then the eggs should still be in my ovaries right? It’s not like I have been having period throughout the ten years, my bleeds have been from the pill. Just a thought….I really don’t believe my diagnosis. Happy Monday and may it fly by for you all!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.