My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Coming December 2012........

Today is Tuesday, April 3 and we received very good news! My beta HCG test last Saturday was around 240, they like to see the number double between the first and second reading. Today's reading was 1,348 which is way more then double. When the nurse called, I was out to lunch with my mom and my grandmother and I had stepped away to take my progesterone and asked them to answer my phone if it rang. Somehow they managed to miss the call which I was not happy about but I anxiously called Conceptions back and waiting for the nurse to get on the phone.  As she identified herself I took a deep breath and waiting to hear my results. She sounded that was good and I didnt know how to react as she told me my number was very high. I waited until she was done talking and then asked if the high number meant that it was twins. She hesitated for a minute and then giggled and said that she has seen one baby have high readings and two have low readings so she couldnt say for sure. She did say that she wouldnt be surprised if it was twins. I then asked if it was normal to have cramping and spotting still and she said that was perfectly normal and that with my high reading she would shocked if I wasnt having cramping and bleeding. That made me feel better because I had stopped spotting on Monday and all day today have been spotting. We scheduled blood tests once a week to make sure things were staying on track and scheduled the ultrasound where we will see how many babies we are having on April 23rd!!! I was so excited and overwhelmed with emotion that I forgot to ask her if I was allowed to travel which my boss needs to know so I will have to call back tomorrow.  I am 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant and my due date is December 9th. It is official I am pregnant!!! I have known for 5 days and it still hasnt sunk in...hopefully it will soon.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Three more days until the waiting is over

Today is Friday, March 30th and I am about to go crazy!!! My IVF transfer was one week ago today and I have three more days until I find out if it worked. The transfer went well, we had a total of 6 eggs that fertilized and they already had the two picked out for the transfer when they took me back to the acupuncture room. One had already started to hatch which means that most likely, if it hatched and implanted, it happened on Saturday or Sunday. We decided not to do genetic testing or have the embryologist determine the sex of the we at least have that surprise just like we would in a normal pregnancy. I received acupuncture before and after the transfer which surprisingly enough, I fell asleep after the transfer. Before the transfer, I had to drink 32 oz of water and hold it!!! On my test run, I almost didnt make it! The doctor was running late and I had to release half of my bladder and then hold the rest, it was very uncomfortable!!! The day of the actual transfer, my acupuncturist helped me drink the water as I tried to also helped I got to take a valium for the as well. I only felt like I was going to burst for about 30 minutes which wasnt bad.  They had me change into a gown and lead me to the transfer room. As I walked in I saw a big screen tv and another room connected to the transfer room, this was the embryology lab. Our two embryos were up on the screen when we walked in. The nurse helped me lay down on the transfer table and checked my uterus to see if everything looked good. The full bladder helps make the transfer easier. It helps the tube with the embryos in it, guide in more easily. We got to watch the embryos get sucked into the tube, watch them be released into my uterus and then watched on the screen as the embryologist checked to make sure the embryos were no longer in the tube. ...and then it was done. The embryos were floating around in my uterus...and then the waiting started. I had to lay on the transfer table for 10 minutes after the transfer, I made it to 7.5 and then my stomach got really upset and my husband had to grab the nurse so I could make a mad dash to the bathroom. I am not sure what happened....I think it must have been the drug they had me take to relax. I pray that didnt mess anything up....but when you gotta gotta go.  I changed me clothes and laid down to receive my second acupuncture treatment. An hour later my husband woke me up and helped me to his car. As we drove home we just listened to sports radio and I just enjoyed the feeling of the sun hitting my face. The only thing said about the transfer was "well we finally did it!"  Since then  I have been trying to relax and not read into anything I feel, not get my hopes up, and try to not online shop to much....I was not successful with the last one...might have gotten some things on ebay...oops! It has been a nice 7 days, lots of time with friends and family and sitting outside in the sun with the hubby and the chihuahuas. I played music on my stomach every morning and talked to the embryos, for some reason I thought maybe stimulating them might help with the implantation process....we shall see. I didnt start getting really nervous until today.  I just gobbled up some of my anxiety with a yummy wrap but I can't get rid of that thought in the back of my brain...what if it didnt work? What if the embryos werent able to completely hatch and implant? What if we paid $15,567.00 plus medication for nothing??? How can I possibly drive to the doctor tomorrow and tuesday mornings without wrecking my car and/or having an anxiety attack. Such a big thing the blood tests will determine. Will my husband and I be able to move on and start growing our family? or will we stay in this trying to get pregnant phase. I would feel a little better had I gotten pain from implantation or implantation bleeding but other then cramps on last Tuesday and Weds I havent gotten any other symptoms. According to my accupuncturist that doesnt necessarily mean I am pregnant could just be the hormones. Tomorrow morning we have our first beta test at 7:00 AM. From what I have been told we will not be given results after this test but will have to wait until next Tuesday to see if I am pregnant. Since I am starting to freak out, I am going to ask if they will let me know what tomorrows test looks like. I am aware that the hcg number captured tomorrow will need to double by Tuesday in order to there to be a pregnancy however I would like to know how we are looking in the morning. I left a message with an IVF nurse this morning asking if it were possible for me to get the results tomorrow and not wait until Tuesday. My grandmother is coming to visit and arrives here in Denver on Monday. I pray that I will have good news to share with our families and enjoy my visit with her. I am not sure how good of a mood I will be in if we get bad news on Tuesday. Its weird though, I am fairly confident I have at least one baby cooking. Seems like everything that has happened in the past three years has led me to this moment so I am forced to embrace it. It's not like I havent been waiting for results on pins and needles before ....just a bit different this time. The thing is I can't control what happened after that transfer. All I can do is drive to appointments, give blood and drive around until I am called with the results. If it didnt work, we have four other embryos frozen at the clinic, we will try again. We will keep trying until we become presents. I will keep everyone updated, please keep us in your prayers.

Picture of the two embryos

Picture of actual transfer - tube on the right, embryos on the left

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Day 3

Today is day 3 for the embryos and I am officially done taking lurpon injections!!! So happy about that. That stuff keeps me awake all night so I was forced to let the millions of thoughts running through my mind at this point circle around and around and around until finally I got up at 3:45 to go through my instructions from the fertility clinic this week. Low and behold I have a blood draw this morning at 7:45 which I will not be able to make since I am teaching a training class at 8!!! I will have to reschedule for this afternoon....hopefully that will work. It's going to have to. I am starting to freak out a bit and get very nervous. I am happy I have arranged for acupuncture treatments before and after the IVF transfer. hopefully it will help me relax a bit....not sure that is possible though. I have so many feelings running through me right now but the one I most want to feel is relief which I will finally get when we have a positive pregnancy test in a few weeks. I will never be able to express how good that moment will feel. Not that blogging about my fertility shortcomings hasnt been a blast but I have got to move on this chapter of my life ya'll. I will be calling today to check on the status of the embryos sometime today and I pray they have progressed to a healthy looking day 3. I will keep everyone updated. I read this morning (even though I have promised both my IVF nurse and my acupuncturist I wouldnt do research online) that IVF day 5 transfers have higher success rates and that sometimes embryos transferred together can encourage each other to hatch and implant....crazy huh?

Monday, March 19, 2012

day 1

Ok so I have not posted in awhile and I promise I will post all my entries since September sometime soon. I wanted to share will ya'll that today is Day 1 of my future children's lives.  My  husband and I are in the middle of our first IVF cycle. Yesterday was egg retrieval and the sperm collection. We were able to get 20 eggs and very good sperm. This morning I got the phone call from the embryology department at the fertility clinic and....14 of the 20 fertilized!!! We are so excited. This takes the pressure off in case the first round doesnt work and makes me able to be more at ease.  We are pretty confident that this will work though. The embryologist told us that with my age and transferring two embryos (which is what we have chosen to do) we have over 85% chance of conceiving one child and 65% chance of having twins.  I know it sounds crazy but we are very excited as the possibility of having twins. It would be the opposite of what we have been dealing with for the past three years.  I am so excited and dont know how I will get through this week. Our transfer is this Friday, March 23rd and we will find out about 9 days later if it took.

here is what the embryos look like today on day 1. Crazy to see what usually happens naturally in the body isnt it?  The second photo is what a healthy embryo should look like on day two.

We are very excited for Friday. This could be the end of our quest to become parents. It is finally going to happen!!!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.