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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Horray for Vacay!

One day until the hubby and I are on vacay! We are so excited to take a 5 day break from reality. Healthwise, I have been feeling amazing. I have tons of energy and I feel genuinely happy…not like I am pretending to be happy. I have had a little cramping this week but nothing like last week and my temperature has been the same the last two days, 96.9. After the breast tenderness and extreme cramping last week, I decided to go to the drug store and get a HPT. While I was there, I decided to pick up a box of the Instead Softcups, I wrote about last week. The HP test was negative but I wasn’t upset. I know the symptoms I had last week were a sign that something good is happening and that is enough for me right now. After taking the test, I opened the box of soft cups and I have to admit that I am not sure I can insert them in or take them out. They look like an oversized condom with a pink plastic rim around the top. The whole thing seems a bit intrusive to me. I don’t think I am quite desperate enough to violate myself so for now, I will not be putting in a soft cup after intercourse. I know I should just suck it up but I really feel like inserting the cups would officially suck all of the fun out of sex for my husband and I. Imagine me asking him to hold me steady while I try and put in the cup when we could be snuggling and relaxing together. Enough is enough and this is where I draw the line..at least for now. I continue to be amazed at Eastern Medicine and the power we have to heal ourselves. Last night, after kickboxing, I stopped by the book store to pick up a book for my book club. While I was there, I decided to stop by the women’s health section and see if there was a new book on treating infertility I just couldn’t live without. There was a gentlemen standing in the Alternative Medicine section directly to the right of the Women’s Health section who immediately asked if I was a yoga instructor as I walked up. I smiled and said “no” but that I practice yoga and really believe in the healing power it has over the body. Inside I was secretly feeling good about myself. Before walking into the store, I thought twice about walking in with my yoga pants on feeling like my butt was to big to wear pants like that anywhere but the gym or in my basement while doing laundry….but now I suddenly felt like I was in shape. There is no point to this part of the story except to make myself feel skinny again……anyway the man and I started talking about our experiences with Eastern medicine. About 3 years ago, he was in a very bad car accident, broke three vertebrae in his spine and was told he was paralyzed from the waist down. Refusing to accept this diagnosis, he immediately dove into research on alternative medicine and started seeing a Kinesiologist and Acupuncturist. Three years later, he is standing beside me in the bookstore that he walked into and is studying to become a Kinesiologist. I was amazed at his story and all the more encouraged that I was on the right path to restoring my fertility. Another story my acupuncturist told me is regarding an older gentlemen who lost his hearing in one of his ears. The man decided to start seeing an acupuncturist after having it suggested to him by a medical provider. During his first treatment, he was told to message his ear a certain way a few times a day and get acupuncture treatments regularly. Due to money constraints, the man was unable to go back for another treatment for months but continued with the daily ear massages. When he returned for another acupuncture treatment almost 6 months after his first treatment, his hearing problem had vanished and he could hear out of both ears! I promise I am not in any way exaggerating. These two stories are completely true, I swear! Just proof that the human body is amazing and if you give your body the proper care, you never know what could happen. Well I am off to finish the work day. I will try to write while in Vegas but can’t promise anything. I hope that I have good news for you guys…maybe that I encountered the big “O”…calm down sickos it’s what you are thinking! I am hoping that I will ovulate this week. I can feel my body healing, starting to produce the hormones, mature follicles and I feel incredible. It’s nothing but smooth sailing from here boys and girls, I can feel it my bones.

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.