My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Come will be all right!

Happy Friday All! I woke up in a daze this morning, stumbled out of bed to take my temperature and use the fertility monitor. On my way to the bathroom, I stepped on a squeaky dog toy and then tripped on my husband’s belt he had left on the floor. By the time I reached the bathroom, I had made enough noise to wake the whole neighborhood and I willing to bet that my temperature might not be accurate because of all the activity that occurred on my way to the bathroom…considering it’s supposed to be a “waking” temperature. I am sad to report that the fertility monitor is still on its lowest bar but that is ok. The directions state there is a low possibility but it’s not impossible to conceive at low fertility…so you’re saying there’s a chance (line by Jim Carey in Dumb & Dumber). My temperature rose a bit to 98.1 so I am not sure what that means??

I continue to be unable to concentrate on anything because I am so excited and nervous about the doctors appointment on Monday. I have been waiting for this appointment since the week before Christmas and really hope that I haven’t waited all this time for the doctor to tell me she can’t do anything. If that happens, I already have a plan….I will beg for her to run clinical trials on me to see if something might work. If that doesn’t work, I will just beg for her to help me extract some of my own eggs and if that doesn’t work…I will try going back on the pill for a month and then going off of it again to see if that will restart my body. If none of the above work, I will be happy to choose from the donor egg database at CCRM (the fertility specialist). This weekend can’t go by fast enough. I am getting to have a girls night out on Saturday. We are all going to dinner and then to see Chelsea Handler which I am really excited about. I fall asleep watching her show every night….not because it’s boring just because it comes on at my bedtime. Today I will be calling Chrysler Financial to see how much they will sell my car to me for. My lease ends this May and my husband and I are trying to decide if we should buy it or apply for a loan and buy a different car. I really want something a little bigger, for when we have kids, but if the dealership offers me something fair, I will probably buy my current car and keep if for a few years. Besides, maybe buying a bigger car would be jinxing myself and I already have enough things working against me on the baby front. Well, for once I don’t have much to say today. I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday. I started mine off with the insides of a breakfast burrito and a diet coke (breakfast of champions), and I plan to follow the breakfast up with a trip to the local outlet mall (with my Chihuahuas of course). Heidi Klum’s maternity line is out. Here is a link to some information on that, I bet the clothes will be very cute! I hope that someday I will be able to wear them. Here is a link to a story on Celine Dion and her fail IVF attempts. The website also discusses other celebrities fertility battles. I feel for Celine, I will most likely be going through the same types of treatments very soon so it is scary to me that a celebrity who can afford the best doctors money can buy can’t get the treatments to work. Until today, I really like Jennifer Lopez. I have always thought she was a very beautiful and talented actress who is a great role model…until I read the article attached to this link, In this article, she discusses in-vitro and how she thinks that you should just see if it happens for you that God controls it. I believe that God controls it too however I don’t feel that someone who had twins naturally can judge other women who don’t have that option and want to be mothers just as badly as Jennifer did. We cannot all be that lucky and although I am also Catholic and have faith in God, I also know that not all of us are lucky enough to be able to have babies on our own without assistance. I was very disappointed to read the article. I am sure I am overreacting to the article …just seems easy for her to say this now that she has her babies…I am sure she would be singing a different tune had she not been able to conceive without assistance. I will get off my soap box now and get to work. That’s a wrap…chow!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.