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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Hump Day Reading....and a shout out!

Oh man, first I must vent a bit on drivers here in the lovely state of Colorado. When did it become legal to tail someone so closely that the person you are tailing can taste the cologne or perfume you are wearing? This morning I was in a bit of a rush so I was already speeding and in the far left lane to be sure I was able to move as quickly as possible. My drive was going right along with no “bumps in the road” until up crept a little car and his front lights disappeared behind my car. I swear I could smell the jerks cologne and a bit of cigarette smoke. I just ignored him since I was also trying to pass people on my right and already going at least 15 over the speed limit…besides why should I move for him and then have to slow down in traffic? About 10 minutes later, he started flashing his brights at me and that is when I got angry. Not only are you endangering me by riding on my car but now you are going to impair my vision with your brights. Unless this person was trying to save gas by using my car to move his car this was extremely rude! If I didn’t love my car, I swear I would have slammed on the breaks right there and sent the loser into my bumper which most likely would have totaled his car and done some serious damage to mine. Unfortunately, I do not have insurance that covers breakdowns so I didn’t do that, I just rode it out and about five minutes later, the disgruntled driver sped around me and found another person to tail. I took a deep breath and continued singing along to the radio. About five minutes later, I was happy to see what looked like the car that had been tailing me pulled over on the side of the road. I believe Karma is the word I am looking for. On to my update…after my ultrasound on Monday, I immediately dove right back into my eastern medicine fertility books and research. I found an article written by the author of “the Infertility Cure” that had a list of things that Randine Lewis, the author, suggested women can do to improve their fertility. They were 1. Increase blood flow (she found that certain acupuncture and acupressure techniques improve blood flow to the ovaries. Better circulation to any organ improves its function. Also the femoral message, ovarian message and electro-acupuncture can dramatically reduce stress and age induced constriction of the uterine and ovarian blood vessels.) 2. Nourishment (Certain dietary supplements like wheat grass, blue-green algae, and royal jelly are known to help restore follicular health. Avoiding coffee, refined carbs and avoiding dairy and hormonally treated animal products will clear out toxic effects of a poor diet.) 2. Hormonal imbalance (endocrine systems operate via feedback so that hormones wont work properly unless the brain senses the right cures form our tissues. Properly prescribed herbal formulas which will help the underlying pattern of imbalance, can restore our own hormonal function). Thought this was interesting. The article is entitled “Turning Back the Reproductive Clock” by Randine Lewis. After reading this article, I decided I must start going to my acupuncturist more than once a month and made an appointment to go tomorrow afternoon. I have been practicing the femoral message but need to read about the ovarian message and make sure I am doing that one as well. I have done electro-acupuncture before and can tell you that I had two cycles after that treatment so I may ask for that tomorrow at my appointment. I am also going to ask for an herbal prescription that may help now that things seem to be trying to work. I also did some research on ovarian follicles which was interesting. The article I read stated that women are born with all of the follicles we will have in a lifetime. If this is true, how could my right ovary be shrunken/collapsed with no follicles last May 2009 and then be large with three plus follicles in March of 2010. This to me proves that western medicine still doesn’t truly understand the wonder that is the female reproductive system. I am amazed at the transformation and am in love with my body. I now have conversations with my body in the morning and at night before I go to bed. At night I kind of mix it in with my prayers. I truly believe you have to love yourself inside and out. Up until about a month ago I was very angry with my body and at God for doing this to me. I decided that being angry and playing a victim wouldn’t do anything but prematurely age me and make me bitter…. And now one likes an old looking, bitter had do they? (I picture Weezer from Steel Magnolias) I prayed for forgiveness from God and in my prayers apologized to my body for turning my back on it. In my prayers, I discussed my plan to move on to donor eggs and prayed that both my body and God would help me to be strong enough to make it through that process. Three weeks later I have a better attitude towards life, a healthier relationship with my husband and what appears to be functioning ovaries! Please don’t think I have false hopes here. I know it could still be difficult for me to conceive naturally. I may go months without ovulating and I will have to watch everyday for signs but to me the fact that I could have a child with my own eggs is enough to keep me from jumping into the donor egg pool for at least 6 months. Who knows, my body could completely recover by then and be having periods every month….you just never know. Happy Hump Day. I hope that you all feel as inspired as I do today! A quick shout out to my dear friend who is anxiously waiting for her sweet baby q to come. I hope she will be a leprechaun baby :0)

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.