My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Economically Organic

Today on Economically Organic:
Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Friday, March 5, 2010

A letter to my Ovaries....and a link to get Great GFree Recipes

So first things first. I wanted to share a great website to all the G-Free (Gluten Free) peeps out there. I stumbled upon it while doing research and believe that it may be one of my new favorite sites She is a southern woman who has put together a collection of gluten free recipes. Here is a link to 2 great cakes (Carrot & Chocolate) Hope you enjoy them and thanks GingerLemonGirl for taking the time to share recipes will all of us flour deprived people! So now that I have given you your helpful information for the day…it is my turn to purge my feelings. So I had a series of strange dreams last night. One of them was me recalling an embarrassing moment in high school during a drill team practice in 1999. Let me help set the scene….The drill team director insisted that we wear ridiculous, spandex, matching outfits (one for every different day of the week) to practice in. Oh yes it gets better…we had a schedule of which outfit we were to wear on each day. It changed every month and if we didn’t have the right thing to wear or were missing a piece of the outfit which sometime included a spandex belt (yes like the “units” we wore in the 80’s) you would get demerits which if you got to many of it could get you kicked off the drill team. I wont even go into what our game day outfits looked like…think Harold’s with a kmart wasn’t pretty. Anyway this particular day in practice we were wearing our bright turquoise spandex outfits with leotards and matching units belt. We were practicing in the school cafeteria because it was raining and I was struggling through another dance routine this time with really bad cramps. I had started my period the day before and back then, the first couple of days were brutal. As I bent down to stretch in-between practice runs one of my friends started laughing and ran up to me to whisper something in my ear. I had bled through and it was really bad. Being a young girl, you try to avoid moments like that. I remember being glad it happened though because I got to change out of my hideous turquoise spandex pants and practice in black sweatpants. I woke up really sad from this dream. How could my ovaries be working so well back then only 10 years ago and now be failing me? Why would my body allow me to have two periods this past September and October only to produce an even higher FSH in December and no period for the last 4 months? It is so sick but I wish right now I would get a period and it would be so bad that I had a spot on the back of my pants the size of a basketball! I think I would take a picture of it and post in on my facebook page. Like …look what I did! I wish I could watch the Midol commercials and relate to the women talking about their cramps and I wish I could spend some of my hard earned money on a box of tampons each month. After I woke up my mind kept racing so I got up and started getting ready for work. I know I keep writing this but…I just really don’t believe I will never have regular periods again. If I had a problem, you would think it would have shown up when I started my menses (that word really bothers me). I started my period in 6th grade, had normal cycles, with some cramping. I have gone to my obgyn at least two times every year for check ups and nothing had ever come up as abnormal until last April when this whole thing started. So this leads me to desperation, (got the idea from my friend the Fertility Chick who recently wrote her cervix)….I am now going to write a letter to my ovaries…sorry you have to experience this…hear goes…..

Dear Ovaries, I know that you and I don’t talk much but I thought I might try this as a last resort. I know that you have been enjoying your time off, as we all do, and I don’t mean to bother you on your day off but…wait a minute your vacation was over almost a year ago and you still haven’t clocked back in. Thank you for coming in for the brief meetings in September and October, I really enjoyed the two month project but I was hoping that you could try working a little bit more for the next maybe 10 years? I am willing to overlook your recent absence since you have been a reliable part of my team in years past. Consider the past year of vacation a gift from me to you. How about you come back to work, give it all you can and once we have two or three new “customers”, you can take another break in 10 years when we hit 40 years as a team? Another 10 years of service is all I ask. Most ovaries have to work until their bosses are at least 50 and I am willing to cut 10 years off the contract if you will come back for the next 10. When I hit 40 we can go back on BC and you can go on a permanent vacation again. Please consider this offer. I really miss working with you and really hate your replacements, Progesteronia Supplementa and Hottie Flash. They make me feel uncomfortable and emotional, it just isn’t the same without you. I hope that you consider this offer and to see you soon. If you do choose to come back, we will celebrate with chocolate , a good lifetime movie and go to Sams and buy a 6 month supply of tampons!

Thanks and hope to see you soon.-your Boss

Hope they take the offer! I know you think I’m kidding but you have no idea how serious I am right now. I hope that my ovaries heard every word of that as I thought it and then typed it out. Mind over matter they say! Anyhoo hope you have a good weekend everyone!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.