So first things first. I wanted to share a great website to all the G-Free (Gluten Free) peeps out there. I stumbled upon it while doing research and believe that it may be one of my new favorite sites GingerLemonGirl.com http://gingerlemongirl.blogspot.com./ She is a southern woman who has put together a collection of gluten free recipes. Here is a link to 2 great cakes (Carrot & Chocolate) http://gingerlemongirl.blogspot.com/2008/03/2-everyday-cakes-gluten-free-casein.html. Hope you enjoy them and thanks GingerLemonGirl for taking the time to share recipes will all of us flour deprived people! So now that I have given you your helpful information for the day…it is my turn to purge my feelings. So I had a series of strange dreams last night. One of them was me recalling an embarrassing moment in high school during a drill team practice in 1999. Let me help set the scene….The drill team director insisted that we wear ridiculous, spandex, matching outfits (one for every different day of the week) to practice in. Oh yes it gets better…we had a schedule of which outfit we were to wear on each day. It changed every month and if we didn’t have the right thing to wear or were missing a piece of the outfit which sometime included a spandex belt (yes like the “units” we wore in the 80’s) you would get demerits which if you got to many of it could get you kicked off the drill team. I wont even go into what our game day outfits looked like…think Harold’s with a kmart twist..it wasn’t pretty. Anyway this particular day in practice we were wearing our bright turquoise spandex outfits with leotards and matching units belt. We were practicing in the school cafeteria because it was raining and I was struggling through another dance routine this time with really bad cramps. I had started my period the day before and back then, the first couple of days were brutal. As I bent down to stretch in-between practice runs one of my friends started laughing and ran up to me to whisper something in my ear. I had bled through and it was really bad. Being a young girl, you try to avoid moments like that. I remember being glad it happened though because I got to change out of my hideous turquoise spandex pants and practice in black sweatpants. I woke up really sad from this dream. How could my ovaries be working so well back then only 10 years ago and now be failing me? Why would my body allow me to have two periods this past September and October only to produce an even higher FSH in December and no period for the last 4 months? It is so sick but I wish right now I would get a period and it would be so bad that I had a spot on the back of my pants the size of a basketball! I think I would take a picture of it and post in on my facebook page. Like …look what I did! I wish I could watch the Midol commercials and relate to the women talking about their cramps and I wish I could spend some of my hard earned money on a box of tampons each month. After I woke up my mind kept racing so I got up and started getting ready for work. I know I keep writing this but…I just really don’t believe I will never have regular periods again. If I had a problem, you would think it would have shown up when I started my menses (that word really bothers me). I started my period in 6th grade, had normal cycles, with some cramping. I have gone to my obgyn at least two times every year for check ups and nothing had ever come up as abnormal until last April when this whole thing started. So this leads me to desperation, (got the idea from my friend the Fertility Chick who recently wrote her cervix)….I am now going to write a letter to my ovaries…sorry you have to experience this…hear goes…..
Dear Ovaries, I know that you and I don’t talk much but I thought I might try this as a last resort. I know that you have been enjoying your time off, as we all do, and I don’t mean to bother you on your day off but…wait a minute your vacation was over almost a year ago and you still haven’t clocked back in. Thank you for coming in for the brief meetings in September and October, I really enjoyed the two month project but I was hoping that you could try working a little bit more for the next maybe 10 years? I am willing to overlook your recent absence since you have been a reliable part of my team in years past. Consider the past year of vacation a gift from me to you. How about you come back to work, give it all you can and once we have two or three new “customers”, you can take another break in 10 years when we hit 40 years as a team? Another 10 years of service is all I ask. Most ovaries have to work until their bosses are at least 50 and I am willing to cut 10 years off the contract if you will come back for the next 10. When I hit 40 we can go back on BC and you can go on a permanent vacation again. Please consider this offer. I really miss working with you and really hate your replacements, Progesteronia Supplementa and Hottie Flash. They make me feel uncomfortable and emotional, it just isn’t the same without you. I hope that you consider this offer and to see you soon. If you do choose to come back, we will celebrate with chocolate , a good lifetime movie and go to Sams and buy a 6 month supply of tampons!
Thanks and hope to see you soon.-your Boss
Hope they take the offer! I know you think I’m kidding but you have no idea how serious I am right now. I hope that my ovaries heard every word of that as I thought it and then typed it out. Mind over matter they say! Anyhoo hope you have a good weekend everyone!
12 years ago
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