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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What is going on with my body? Perhaps the ovaries were listening last week...

So, this morning was a bit frustrating. I got up to go like a good girl. Before I went to the gym this morning, I got up and took my temperature and tried to use the clearblue fertility monitor again. My temperature went from 97.3 yesterday to 97.9. It states in the instruction manual for the monitor that on day 6 it will ask for a test stick to be inserted. Well, it was today was 6 but it didn’t ask for a testing stick and when I put one in, it gave me an error message. Just don’t understand how the freakin thing works!!! After fiddling with it for 10 minutes, I finally gave up and went to the gym deciding that I would try to put a new set of batteries in tonight and try it again tomorrow. When I got home from the gym my husband was standing right behind the door from the garage with a confused look on his face. He told me that our puppy had puked on our bed spread. I asked where he put the bed spread and he just turned around and went back upstairs. When I walked in to our room, I saw that he had taken the bed spread, rolled it into a ball and shoved it into the top of the hamper…why he wouldn’t just take it downstairs to the laundry room I just don’t understand. So now I had a puke covered bedspread nesting in my newly cleaned out hamper sure to make my bedroom smell wonderful for when I return home this evening. Annoyed, I turned around to head for the shower, and turned just in time to watch the puppy take a pooh right in the middle of the hallway! I cleaned it up and hopped in the shower. As I entered the room to get dressed, I noticed the other dog had decided to take her pooh in the other bathroom and my husband had just left it there! Needless to say the dogs were a challenge this morning. I woke up with cramps and a back ache which makes me really emotional because it’s like I should be having a period but no bleed, just cramps, lack of emotional stability and a back ache. I even had a break out last week like I used to before I got my period. Maybe my ovaries are considering the offer I made them last week? After lunch yesterday, I got a little sick to my stomach and of course my first thought was…maybe I am pregnant?? I have noticed this little pinching feeling were I imagine my ovaries to be the last couple of days but I am not even going to waste money on a test. I know the chances of me getting pregnant are slim with what is going on, that is why I need the fertility monitor. I pray that one of these times though, when I am feeling sick that it does turn out to be a baby and not indigestion or the flu. I noticed that today my mucus is white and sticky which it used to be like right before I had a bleed. Maybe I will have a bleed this week? If not, at least there is some presence of estrogen in my body. The mucus wouldn’t be clumpy or sticky if there wasn’t. Sorry for the mucus talk but as you ladies know, cervical mucus is the best way to figure out what is going on with your body…and to me the fact that I have it is a good thing. Well, I think I am going to get to work now. I am going to start charting my temps and CM on my chart on babymed.com again. I will try and post the readings from the fertility monitor (if it ever starts working). Just wanted to recommend the RESOLVE community for anyone out there going through fertility issues. There is a link on the right-hand side of my page. The site is a great way to meet others going through similar situations and also has great resources to help guide you through the fertility issues you may encounter. Hope you all have a fabulous Tuesday. The sun is out and spring is here…thank goodness, I am going to enjoy it!

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.