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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Hey FSH, you better have down..do it....or else!

Not much to say today (I know that is a first). All day yesterday I was full of air. Although according to my husband I am always full of hot air, it was really uncomfortable and a side effect from my last cleanse (I forgot to take my probiotics in the morning before I had my smoothie). It is suggested that you not eat extremely filling foods the 24 hours following a cleanse but at the new organic lunch place yesterday, I just couldn’t resist the brown rice, avocado and olive oil option that was calling my name. It was very yummy but just seemed to add air to my belly and went ahead and added heartburn to my list of symptoms. The same nutritional mistakes will not be made again today. I took two probiotic pills when I got up this morning and just took two more before starting my mid-morning snack. My stomach feels completely normal and I feel great! I am feeling a bit discouraged this morning after waking up soaking wet and on fire twice last night. I am not sure if this is because the temperature in our bedroom is always hot (and not in a good way) or if I was having hot flashes. Now I would like to go with the later but given that I haven’t had a period for five months perhaps my body was struggling through the hormone production process while I was sleeping last night. I can see it now a documentary called “while you were sleeping” this time the film would be about what the average woman’s body is doing while she is catching her zzz’s. I think it would be interesting to know what my body is doing all the time. In fact, the unknown is killing me right now! If I could get an ultrasound done on my ovaries everyday I would. I just have to know if there are non-maturing follicles in my ovaries again or if this time the follicles are going to be able to make it all the way around the bases and score this month. Here is what I have decided on the doctor appointment front……I will be going to see Mrs. W again as scheduled this Thursday but I will not be getting a cleanse (although it was recommended). I have been feeling really tired since Monday and I think my body needs a break. I will instead by doing the foot bath and the message bed which are also both good ways to detoxify. I have re-scheduled the appointment with the alternative medicine and spa clinic to May 20th. I just revisited their website and am going to give them a chance. They seem to have a good system down and have been recognized to have a 100% success rate at helping people conceive. On their website it states “We have spent years working with women on their journey to conceive and have developed a unique method to make this a process of growth and healing”. Your first appointment they establish a plan on how to help you conceive. They also offer a Maya abdominal and uterine message “this massage technique is a slow, gentle external massage of the abdomen and lower back that works to soften the muscles, and adjust the uterus to its proper position, enhance circulation of blood, lymphatic fluids and qi. It has been used successfully as par t of a holistic treatment for problems including painful periods, fertility issues, uterine fibroids, ovarian cysts and low backache” and whole list of other beneficial services. I have re-scheduled the appointment with the fertility specialist for the first week in August. I have also scheduled my annual check up with my new OBGYN (the specialist in POF) for next week where I am going to have my FSH tested for the first time since December (the dreaded 89 reading) and another ultrasound. I am going to do everything in my power to relax, meditate and think positive before this appointment (translation I will be planting my herb garden, sleeping in, doing some bargain shopping and buying a skinny mirror this weekend).

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.