My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Passion Pen (Post from Monday 5//17)

As I got ready for work this morning I decided to switch out my purse and carry the nice one my husband got me during our last vacation. As I poured the contents of the older purse into the new one, I found a pen that a coworker had given me. He is an older gentlemen who is one of the most caring people I know. This pen has three different settings on it and each setting displays a different flashing red light. He had given me the pen a few weeks ago and told me that it was a “passion pen” to be used when my hubby and I were trying to make a baby.  I laughed and took the pen home to show to my husband who laughed it off and put it back in my purse.  Man do I wish I could just flip the switch on the pen and get pregnant…wouldn’t that be nice?? Finding the pen this morning reminded me how refreshing it is to have people in my life who genuinely care about me.  In the past few weeks, I have been overwhelmed with nice messages and I just want to say thank you to all of you…you know who you are.  I am happy to report that the new positive me still remains. I have yet to get sad since the last breakdown over 7 days ago. I co-hosted a baby shower over the weekend and didn’t get sad once. I did however get a few comments regarding a change in me.  One of my friends mother said I looked great and that there seemed something different about me.  I thanked her and explained all of the changes I had made and told her to read “Crazy, Sexy, Cancer.” She then said that if she didn’t know better, she would have thought I had a pregnancy glow. I laughed and said that I wasn’t pregnant yet but that it was great to hear she could see a difference. So I can’t remember if I have shared these few differences I have noticed since the diet change and starting the cleanses…..I have noticed that I am not growing as much hair under my arms or on my legs (not that I am making a habbit out of not shaving but I skipped a few days and didn’t even have anything to catch up on when I got around to it), I can go more time in-between hair washes (I said hair washes…not showering…please note I still take 1-2 showers a day) my hair just doesn’t get as oily as it used to, my coloring is improving and I no longer resemble the color of a banana, I feel really happy and positive…even when I shouldn’t (like when I am driving with someone and they get a ticket), my daily headaches are gone, I am not as hungry as I used to be, food tastes different and last but no least my skin is glowing. Have I convinced you to change your diet yet?  Yesterday,Sunday, was my liver cleanse day.  It doesn’t sound fun and believe me….it wasn’t.  You get up and drink a cup water with 1T Epson salt. An hour later you drink another cup of the mixture and then two hours later you drink ¾ cup grapefruit juice mixed with 1 cup olive oil….then you wait.  It seems that my liver is in really bad shape because I didn’t start “eliminating” until today (while at work)…lucky me. All day Sunday, I had other side effects of the cleanse such as nausea, sweating, exhaustion and a headache. Mix that together with the fact that I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything other then the mixes all day and that made it very difficult for me to not snap at anyone who was trying to have a conversation with me. It will all be worth it once I get to my cleansing appointment this afternoon.  My side effects and how long it took to eliminate will allow Mrs. W to have an idea of what is going on with my body.  I am very curious to see what she has to say and promise to take very good notes.  Before my cleanse I have an appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist that I saw in April. I have an annual appointment, ultrasound and lab tests scheduled.  I am excited to see how much my FSH has dropped since the dreaded results in December and to see what my ovaries look like.  I am sure I will have some positive information to share tomorrow.

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.