My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Today on Economically Organic:
Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

PMS Perhaps??

My second acupuncture treatment of the week was really good and seems to have knocked something loose because I woke up this morning with what I think are cramps and a bit of PMS. I am saying this because I might have snapped at my husband and my mother for no reason and seem to be crying at everything today.  During my treatment, my left food twitched the entire 30 while the needle was in.  Somehow, I was able to fall asleep an woke up as Jeff walked back in.  I also started another herb, menotrol, that I am to take three, three times a day with the current one until the current one is out.  I pray that the herbs, combined with acupuncture and/or the hormone doses I will start at the end of this month will restore my period. Lord, I know I am to wait on you and when it is my time I will have my monthly gift from mother nature back but I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I will say that I woke up the past two days with cramps that required time under a heating pad, I am snapping at my poor husband for now reason and crying over nothing so it appears that I could be PMSing. All I remember about PMS as a teenager was having zero control over my emotions and snapping at my poor mother for no reason.  Even my husband asked if I had PMS. Usually any normal women would get really angry if their husbands said that to them but I got a huge smile on my face and replied “I hope so!” Anyway, I really hope that my time is near. Don’t get me wrong Lord, I am happy helping others but it is getting really hard to watch everyone around me have children while I continue to anxiously await the arrival of mother nature for my long and overdue gift. I know this is sad, but I even cut out a Tampax add with mother nature holding a monthly gift so I can look at it while I walk on the treadmill at night. I think if I call her to come visit me she will. We used to have 7 days visits every month! How could she just stop visiting completely with no warning!! Or at least without a warning I could recognize as a warning! I just found out via my mother today that my cousin and his girlfriend of only a few months are pregnant with their first baby. I was standing in line at Panera Bread Company waiting to order some lunch when my mom told me. I started crying but I didn’t dare step out of line and loose my spot so I stood their crying like a freak until I could order my food. I could tell the people in back of me wanted my spot and I was not giving it up for anything…after all now I needed to eat away my sad feelings so I needed the food more then they did.  I got my food and walked very quickly to my car, hung up the phone and let the tears fall. I decided that again things happen for a reason and that the baby my cousin and his soon to be wife are expecting was meant for them, it is supposed to be and maybe for a reason non of us can see right now…point being I needed to stop making it about me and stop crying which I did pretty easily….after I bought myself a new pair of boots.  I thought I had gotten over the PMS thing and another family member having a baby until I tried to go run an errand for my husband at the local mall. I found a parking spot up front and walked in excited to walk around for awhile. Two hours later I walked out, bags in hand and feeling relaxed and ready to go home and tackle some more chores. I looked for my car, and looked for my car and looked for my car. I looked for my car for 45 minutes and then finally gave in and called my husband to come help me. I was absolutely mortified that I forgot where I parked and by the time he came to my rescue I was sitting on a bench outside a store in tears. Who does that? I mean a child can remember where they park their bike so why can’t I remember where I parked my big refrigerator on wheels of a car?? To make matters worse, I had barely settled in to his truck we found my car about three seconds later. I had been sitting almost right next to it!!! My husband was laughing and telling me it wasn’t a big deal as I slammed the door and got in my car where I continued the crying all the way home. About two hours later I was still very embarrassed but feeling better about things when my husband came running down the stairs asking if I could help him. He had locked his keys in the car while the car was running and he didn’t have a spare….I realized that I wasn’t the only one who does dumb things and instantly felt better. Sometimes we need these types of moments to humble ourselves so that we don’t forget we are not perfect.

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry, I went and bought an iPhone after finding out that two more people in the extended family are pregnant. Unbelievable! It will happen for both of us.


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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.