Sunday, October 17, 2010
My second acupuncture treatment of the week was really good and seems to have knocked something loose because I woke up this morning with what I think are cramps and a bit of PMS. I am saying this because I might have snapped at my husband and my mother for no reason and seem to be crying at everything today. During my treatment, my left food twitched the entire 30 while the needle was in. Somehow, I was able to fall asleep an woke up as Jeff walked back in. I also started another herb, menotrol, that I am to take three, three times a day with the current one until the current one is out. I pray that the herbs, combined with acupuncture and/or the hormone doses I will start at the end of this month will restore my period. Lord, I know I am to wait on you and when it is my time I will have my monthly gift from mother nature back but I don’t know how much longer I can wait. I will say that I woke up the past two days with cramps that required time under a heating pad, I am snapping at my poor husband for now reason and crying over nothing so it appears that I could be PMSing. All I remember about PMS as a teenager was having zero control over my emotions and snapping at my poor mother for no reason. Even my husband asked if I had PMS. Usually any normal women would get really angry if their husbands said that to them but I got a huge smile on my face and replied “I hope so!” Anyway, I really hope that my time is near. Don’t get me wrong Lord, I am happy helping others but it is getting really hard to watch everyone around me have children while I continue to anxiously await the arrival of mother nature for my long and overdue gift. I know this is sad, but I even cut out a Tampax add with mother nature holding a monthly gift so I can look at it while I walk on the treadmill at night. I think if I call her to come visit me she will. We used to have 7 days visits every month! How could she just stop visiting completely with no warning!! Or at least without a warning I could recognize as a warning! I just found out via my mother today that my cousin and his girlfriend of only a few months are pregnant with their first baby. I was standing in line at Panera Bread Company waiting to order some lunch when my mom told me. I started crying but I didn’t dare step out of line and loose my spot so I stood their crying like a freak until I could order my food. I could tell the people in back of me wanted my spot and I was not giving it up for anything…after all now I needed to eat away my sad feelings so I needed the food more then they did. I got my food and walked very quickly to my car, hung up the phone and let the tears fall. I decided that again things happen for a reason and that the baby my cousin and his soon to be wife are expecting was meant for them, it is supposed to be and maybe for a reason non of us can see right now…point being I needed to stop making it about me and stop crying which I did pretty easily….after I bought myself a new pair of boots. I thought I had gotten over the PMS thing and another family member having a baby until I tried to go run an errand for my husband at the local mall. I found a parking spot up front and walked in excited to walk around for awhile. Two hours later I walked out, bags in hand and feeling relaxed and ready to go home and tackle some more chores. I looked for my car, and looked for my car and looked for my car. I looked for my car for 45 minutes and then finally gave in and called my husband to come help me. I was absolutely mortified that I forgot where I parked and by the time he came to my rescue I was sitting on a bench outside a store in tears. Who does that? I mean a child can remember where they park their bike so why can’t I remember where I parked my big refrigerator on wheels of a car?? To make matters worse, I had barely settled in to his truck we found my car about three seconds later. I had been sitting almost right next to it!!! My husband was laughing and telling me it wasn’t a big deal as I slammed the door and got in my car where I continued the crying all the way home. About two hours later I was still very embarrassed but feeling better about things when my husband came running down the stairs asking if I could help him. He had locked his keys in the car while the car was running and he didn’t have a spare….I realized that I wasn’t the only one who does dumb things and instantly felt better. Sometimes we need these types of moments to humble ourselves so that we don’t forget we are not perfect.