My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

So….I have figured out how I can still have Starbucks. Since I have been a customer for three years at the location near my work they have agreed to make me my pumpkin spice latte with rice milk that I bring in. Now I can get the latte made with rice milk and decaf without whip cream. I know it doesn’t sound good but it still taste yummy. I also tried a fertility yoga class last Friday. The instructor was really great. She started off the class by telling us to let go of any negative feelings we had toward fertility and then went into an explanation on how Eastern Medicine doesn’t believe there is such a thing as infertility. That our bodies are made to have babies and we will have them when the time is right. I immediately knew that this class was going to be a good thing for me. I arrived first and the second to arrive was a woman named Emily. We started talking and sharing our stories. She was 40 and had just had a miscarriage. She was taking the class to get her body ready to try again. The other two attendees were late twenties early thirties trying to get their bodies ready to have a child. The instructor explained that allot of the poses that stimulate hormones required our legs to be open and that we needed to have an open mind and just flow with the class. She wasn’t kidding, I found myself in the most awkward poses…things I wasn’t sure I would even try with my husband. There I was with my legs open to the world…asking for the miracle of a child. Usually how that works anyway…requires your legs to be open. The instructor explained the breathing was such a huge part of the treatment and that we needed to choose a mantra to say to ourselves when we were breathing in and out. Breathing out was a way to get rid of the things/stress we didn’t want to hold onto anymore and breathing in was a way to give our body what we think it needs. I decided my breath in would be good fertility and my breathe out would be bad fertility/ovarian failure. At the end of the class, the instructor had us meditate and try and picture certain colors of light hitting us. Each color stood for something. The first was a white light that was for healing, the second was green for fertility and the third well I’m not sure what the third was because all I could see was blue. When the class was over I asked the instructor what blue was and she said that it was calming and that was fine if I was seeing that instead of what she was saying. I left that class feeling better and encouraged, I decided to go to the class once a week for the next two months and combine it with my acupuncture. I spent Saturday with my mother and best friend Christina. Christina is in the early stages of her pregnancy and was not feeling well the entire time. I couldn’t help but think how much I wished that I could be the one with morning sickness. I would have given anything to not be able to eat or smell things or feel like I was going to get sick every hour of every day. I know I am deranged huh? I kept repeating in my head the mantra my yoga instructor had told me to repeat while I was practicing my breathing… In good fertility and out ovarian failure/bad fertility. Every time I felt myself getting upset that day I just did my breathing mantra. I even did it this morning on my way to work because I woke up just feeling emotional and tired. The past two days I have some cramping in my lower abdomen on the left side close to where my ovaries are. I am wondering what is going on? I have had creamy CM since going back on progesterone but nothing clear. I pray that I ovulate this time and that my husband and I catch it at the right time. We are trying every other night for the next two months. I know I ovulated the last time while taking the progesterone….just hope I do it again.

I have been reading allot of medical website blogs about women who are in similar situations. Most are very encouraging but it still seems that we are diagnosed as infertile way to quickly. On one of the women had read my posts and responded to me. She was 35 and had been on the pill for 17 years. She hadn’t had a period for the first two months of being off the pill so she went in for a blood test and her FSH was around 113. She said she had normal periods before going on the pill and that she was really worried. I gave her a list of things she could immediately do to try and get her FSH down and suggested a few books for her to read. I do feel for her, I know how she feels.

Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.