My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Friday, April 30, 2010

It's Feeling Sorry for Myself Friday!

I’m back! I am finally home, the one week in the panhandle felt like a month. Of course I couldn’t remember where I had parked the car so with my 50 pound duffle bag (I will never, repeat never, travel with a suitcase that doesn’t have wheels again!), computer bag and purse I explored the three airport parking garages until I finally found it. Guess where is was? In the first garage I looked on. I jumped in the car and raced home. After I was all settled in, I pulled out my bag long grain brown rice, some veggies and some shrimp and made a stir fry for myself. After a long week of plain lettuce and nuts I couldn’t wait one more second for something yummy and delicious that I could eat while staying on my diet. As I got everything scooped into my bowl, I sprinkled some flaxseed oil over the top along with some olive oil and sat down in front of the TV with my hubby. I don’t know if I was just really hungry or what but the stir fry tasted amazing and it was worth the four day wait! Yummy food, Greys Anatomy and snuggling with my hubby now that is what I call a good night! After I was done eating, I did the dishes and the hubby and I went upstairs to try and make a baby. On this subject, I have noticed that in the past two months, it has really hurt during intercourse (down there). I have read and have been told by my doctors that may be a symptom of menopause (thin lining) or it can mean that I am about to have my monthly friend or in my case my (quarterly friend). Your cervix closes after ovulation causing certain positions to be painful but why would it be closed for two months? If things don’t get better I will be forced to go on some hormone replacement. It literally feels like someone is jabbing needles into me which puts a horrible look on my face which makes my husband feel like I am not enjoying the experience at all so it is not a good thing for anyone and if it doesn’t go away before my next appointment with the OBGYN, I will have to go on hormone replacement :0(. You can still get pregnant while on replacement though and I have actually read good things about the estrodial patch. It has actually helped women with POF get pregnant in a few studies. The hormones in the patch help to stimulate the follicles that are just sitting in the ovaries since there are not enough of the right hormones to finish the process and mature one or two of them. Maybe going on this patch wouldn’t be a bad thing?? Or course I want to stay as natural as I can but my husband and I need to be able to enjoy each other and right now I cant enjoyOther then the pain during intercourse, I feel great! I have lost weight, my skin is glowing and my hair is really soft and shiny. My energy levels are much better then they were and I feel more positive and open minded. I was so excited to have a session with my juicer this morning that I got up early before my alarm and was slicing fruit by 5:00 AM. First I juiced my wheatgrass wrapped in kale and took that down as a shot and then made my veggie and fruit smoothie complete with the superfood powder from Mrs. W. I feel motivated, relaxed and ready to tackle the weekend (I think). Saturday, I have a date with my Chihuahuas and my mother. The Dumb Friends League is hosting a race called the Furry Scurry to raise money so we are all going to walk in it (as long as its not snowing or below 30) then we are going to go to my favorite outside market and look for baby items. No they aren’t for me (yet) I am going to a baby shower on Sunday and would like to find a few things to go with my gift. Saturday night I have plans to meet up with a bunch of girls from college. Two of them are really pregnant (one being my one of my best friends) and a few of them have kids. I am really hoping I can forget my missing link and enjoy myself but I just don’t know if I am feeling being out with the girls right now. I just kind of want to stay home and relax in my sweats but I know that going out and being with friends is probably going to be really good for me. It’s the shower on Sunday I am more worried about. The host is preggers and the shower is being held for my best friend who I am currently so jealous of right now. There I admitted it! I want so badly to pee on a stick and see a plus sign! My two best friends seem to be starting the next chapter of their lives ( M has two beautiful children and C have one coming in a month and a half) and for some reason I am not being permitted to make the transition. Am I supposed to be in this stage a little longer then everyone else? Is this because I didn’t know how to take care of myself nutritionally? Or because I drank a little bit in high school? What is the reason? I didn’t realize it, but my friend from Texas that had 0% chance of getting pregnant and got pregnant…..she was the only person I knew (other then myself) that was having trouble getting pregnant and now there is only one …! I guess I am the statistic…for now anyway. Me saying this does not in anyway mean I don’t believe my body is making a come back. I know that it is and I have to be patient. I am simply having a moment. I hate to say this, but having one friend that was in the same boat as me made me feel like I wasn’t alone and now….I feel alone again! I want to be the same person I was before all of this started. The woman who could laugh things off, have a good time and not constantly be worrying about if the french fries I was about to eat were going to affect my fertility. I know that my days of eating french fries are gone right now but I really want find where my personality went and get it back. I have moved the fertility specialist appointment and am going to just plan on going in there in August and starting the IVF process. That was my plan before the good ultrasound and that will continue to be my plan. If something happens between now and then, that would be amazing. If something doesn’t happen, I will be the healthiest I have ever been and will feel ready to tackle the IVF realm. I did some research one night when I couldn’t sleep during my trip on healing the ovaries and found an amazing story about a woman who had a 6 cm fibroid in her womb and a case of horrible endometriosis. She was told her right ovary needed to be removed and demanded that it be left in her body. During the surgery to remove the fibroid, the doctor had to stitch the right ovary back together and told the woman her ovary was hanging by a thread and said the chances of her needing another surgery and possibly a hysterectomy were pretty good. 6-8 months after the operation she went back in for an ultrasound and to her and the doctor’s surprise both ovaries looked perfectly healthy. The right ovary had healed itself. I found this to be a truly amazing storing and proof that my ovaries can heal just as hers did. Here is the link And with this inspirational story I am ending this post. Wish me luck on my adventures Lord please give me the courage to accept things I cannot change, stop eating my feelings and allow myself to have some fun.

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.