You're going down FSH!

Kickboxing yesterday was very therapeutic. The instructor had a different method to his madness which allowed me to concentrate on what I was pretending to hit every time I struck the punching bag. Every time I punched the bag, I screamed inside my head one of the following “Heal”, “Ovulate” and “Have a baby”! At the end of the class we had five minutes where we could do anything we wanted. I chose to do a punch-kick combo. During this five minutes I trash talked my high FSH level and told it that it better get down to 10 or below or I will take the fertility drugs to make it go down. “You can either do it yourself or be forced, the choice is yours. If you are still high the next time you are tested, then you will be forced to go down, and I mean it.” I ended our confrontation with a sweet right hook followed by a switch kick. As I walked out of the class I felt incredible, I also exited quickly for fear that the woman who worked out behind me was going to tell the whole class I was farting the whole time. What? Don’t judge me…it is bound to happen when you are full of hot air and bouncing up and down….sorry about it. I felt more comfortable letting her rip in class because the music was really loud….and I am really feeling unattractive after typing that. For you men reading this, sorry to burst your bubble but women fart and go number 2! Today is the day of my cleanse. I am a little anxious because I don’t know what to expect. I mean, I know there is going to be water pumping through my intestines but I have questions about what acupressure points will be administered during the cleanse. Or what in the heck the therapist and I will discuss as she is pumping out the 7 pounds of waste I have stored in my body? Imagine the conversation topics that we could have. I could ask her how she got into removing waste form people’s colons. Or what she does with it after it is removed? I intend to get as much information on the whole process and its benefits so that I can share them but I imagine this experience might be a little awkward. Just like getting your annual check up only you are laying on your stomach instead of your back. I will try to capture as much of the experience as possible without humiliating myself. I am sad to report that the gas is still with me. My mom thinks that my body is trying to cleanse itself but that all of the built up waste is blocking the way. She thinks that after this cleanse today my gas will be gone and all systems will be go for launch. I hope she is right because it is only a matter of time before I accidentally let one go in a meeting or during a phone conversation at work….and I would be mortified. It’s somehow different when you are pregnant. It seems more socially acceptable for a pregnant woman to fart but if you are not pregnant and are under the age of 85, farting in public is against the norm and you will be judged…and I don’t want to be the smelly girl. I talked to my body on the way to work and reminded it of our new June 15th deadline. I told it to take the morning juice (which was yummy) and use it’s nutrients to heal the damage. I know we will make the deadline! After doing some research, I have decided to not drink soy milk. There is a lot of research showing that soy milk can affect hormone levels in women, especially estrogen….as we all know I don’t need anything else messing up my hormone levels. I will be using coconut milk in my breakfast smoothies instead. A friend at work has been vegan for years and he swears by coconut milk. Well I must get to work, wish me luck this afternoon….I wonder if I will look skinnier? After all I am about to get 7 pounds pumped out of me :0)