Gas, Gas...go away!

After speaking with a good friend of mine, I am positive that my digestive issues are a side effect of my diet change. She said that when she first went vegan, all she did was go and that it is just my body eliminating all of the toxins and that if I kept going on like this all week…I might not need to get a cleanse on Thursday. Great, I have 28 years of toxins to get rid of….should I get a padded seat for my toilet? Throughout most of the work day, I had constant air flowing thru me. As soon as I would release it, I could feel myself filling back up. I felt like that one girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory….I think her name was Bianca?? Remember how she chews that gum and blows up like a blueberry? I felt like a giant blueberry yesterday. I couldn’t wait until I was in my car safe and sound not having to worry about releasing my air to loudly. Somehow, I managed to not embarrass myself at work. Traffic was horrible on my way home work yesterday so I decided to have a conversation with myself or let’s just call it a pep talk. It went a little something like this. “Sorry for stressing you out this afternoon after we learned the sex of our friend’s baby. I don’t know why I got upset since I know that we will soon be carrying a baby, I just get frustrated sometimes. I wanted to ask you how long it is going to take you to heal? I know that we have more then just unwanted pesticides to flush out but I just don’t know how much longer I can stand not being pregnant. I am so sorry for taking advantage of you and all of the natural processes you go through everyday. I am also sorry for just expecting things to work, putting in crap and expecting you to put out excellence. I promise to never revert back to my evil ways and will continue to take care of us like this for the rest of our lives. In return, I want to ask a favor, could you allow us to get pregnant by June 15, 2010? I know this isn’t much time but ovaries, you have been off birth control for a year now. Now I know I fed you birth control for over 10 years but I was wondering if you could forgive me and start functioning again? Now more then ever, I feel like we are so close to being pregnant and that is why I have come up with this deadline. Please remember that I love each every part of us and am sorry for any hurt I have ever caused you. I beg you, please step it up. We can do this!” I actually spoke out loud to myself for about half the car ride home. I felt a lot better when I was done and then I blasted Dean Martin the rest of the way. When I got home, I started making dinner and felt a ton of moisture “down there”. I ran to the bathroom and was ecstatic to see thin, clear, CM and tons of it. It wasn’t thick and stretchy but clear is good enough for me!!! I looked in the mirror and said “Thank you for listening during our talk today, I love you!” (Yes, I am now one of those crazy people who talk to themselves, got a problem with that?) My friend, Stephanie, who recently conceived a baby after being given a 0% chance of getting pregnant naturally told me to keep my hips elevated for 10 minutes after baby making so…just to be safe, last night I propped my hips up on a pillow and went to sleep. The good old hips were propped for 7 hours. That should increase my chances!!! Swim little swimmer swim! When I got up this morning, I checked for any lingering stomach issues and immediately felt like there was something crawling inside my stomach. I had a pain that was literally moving up and down my intestines. Halfway through juicing the pain went away and I am sitting here pain and air free….at least for the moment. Having been overwhelmed with gas the last couple of days, I thought I would do a little research on the subject and find out where it comes from. According to http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/gas/, “Gas is made primarily of odorless vapors—carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen, and sometimes methane. The unpleasant odor of flatulence, the gas that passes through the rectum, comes from bacteria in the large intestine that release small amounts of gases containing sulfur.” Well that makes sense, the same site also listed foods that are known to cause gas. Fruit is one of them! Am I doomed to a life of intense gas now that I am on this new diet? Will no one want to be around me for fear that I might blast them into the next room? I really hope that once my body is comfortable with our new eating rituals that the “air” will go away! Gas, gas go away please don’t last another day! Tomorrow is the day….the cleanse!