My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

It's My Rights....Right?

Ok so first let me put this out there…..I don’t know much about Politics mainly because I believe most politicians (if they were wooden puppets) would really long noses. I typically don’t believe much of what comes out of any of their mouths but I saw something on the news last night that really upset me. Some republicans in the state of Colorado (will remain nameless) are currently backing Amendment 62 (Personhood Amendment) that will be voted on this fall. If passed, this amendment would outlaw abortion even for cases of incest and rape and would also outlaw infertility treatments. Now being a Catholic the first issue is just a big no, no but I do believe there are certain circumstances where having that choice is needed. It’s more the second part of the amendment that really frankly pisses me off!! Why should someone be able to make that kind of a decision for a woman??? Why shouldn’t the law abiding, tax paying, hard working women of the state of Colorado have access to infertility treatments? And why should anyone care if they want to have these types of treatments done. You see, we are not all blessed with perfect fertility, or finding a significant other and to me you are taking away a god given right for someone to be a mother by taking away her right to see a fertility specialist. It is taking away our rights to family planning!!!! The argument is that all of the frozen embryos deserved to be loved and adopted and have rights which I agree with but I feel that you are taking away their rights to be loved by not allowing fertility treatments. I am just so angry that this is what our government leaders have come to…trying to control what we can do with our own bodies!!! For some women, like myself, infertility treatments are our only means of trying to conceive. Some of us even pay for healthcare that covers these treatments so that we aren’t thousands of dollars in debt. What I have to say to these government officials is this……do you really think that women across the state would put themselves through brutal fertility treatments if they didn’t have to? Do you really think they are trying to take rights away from the very embryos they are hoping will implant and become their children? What’s next? Are you going to regulate the type of toilet paper we use? Or make it mandatory for women to take birth control? What I do with my body is my own choice. This is an unfair amendment and personally I see it as a form of suffrage. Ok I am done now just had to get that off my chest. I am sorry if I have misspoken about any of the above, remember that I got this off the news while trying to curl my hair and get out the door in time to get to slide into my chair just before the buzzard.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday who has been going through almost the exact same things I have for the past year. We sat and chatted about things we had tried, things strange doctors had said and what our next moves were going to be. I believe my next move is this, no cleansing, no kinesiologist, no supplements. Just me, my friends and family, the gym, a little yoga and enjoying my life. I will or course stick to my gluten free mostly organic diet but I will not let this rule my life anymore. If God wants me to have a child, I will have a child. I am DONE letting this rule my life. I know I have said that before but sorry infertility, I have moved on. The past few weeks I have been having fun. I have lost a little weight, spend lots of time with friends and family and have even been able to enjoy time with my husband without being sad. I like to tell you it has been nice having a relationship with you but we are done. I will give you the old “it’s not you, it’s me.” I don’t want you following me around anymore. I realize I may be forced to see you once in awhile, or you will get mentioned in casual conversations but this exclusive thing we have had for a year and a half is just not good and I am done! See you infertility.

1 comment:

  1. Regarding Amendment 62, you might be interested in read a policy paper by Ari Armstrong and me on Colorado's Amendment 62 and similar "personhood" measures: "The 'Personhood' Movement Is Anti-Life: Why It Matters that Rights Begin at Birth, Not Conception."

    You can find the PDF, HTML, and E-Book versions via this page:

    The paper discusses the current state of the growing "personhood" movement, as well as the effects of a "personhood" law on abortion, birth control, in vitro fertilization, and stem-cell research. It offers a strong defense of abortion rights, arguing that the nature of rights and the biological facts of pregnancy entail that rights cannot begin until birth. And it discusses why "personhood" measures violate the separation of church and state.


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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.