Sunday, November 14, 2010
A Double Hit From the Stun Gun
I was still feeling really good as I drove into work today. I have been considering making some professional changes to my life but am worried I might get pregnant in the midst of the changes. During our daily morning phone call, I expressed this concern with my mother who then replied “well remember you are talking about one to ten percent that may even be an option”. That comment just hit me like a stun gun and I didn’t talk for a full minute while I let the sting wear off. I rejoined the conversation as my mother called my name for the fifth time to see if I was still there. I then replied with “did you just say that to me?” I absolutely love my mother and I could not have gotten through this whole ordeal without her but it is statements like that which show me that she just plain does not understand what I am going through. Statements like “1 in 10% chance” or “there are other options” or “you are not dying” are statements that people in my situation really can’t stand to hear. I believe that being positive and not making statements that make the other person want to shrink into a ball and roll off into the distance is better for everyone. People who make statements like those I just mentioned are able to say those things because they have not had to deal with a fertility issue. It’s not their fault, it’s not the fertility patient’s fault either but it really does suck. Another thing I have recently learned is that my loved ones have been keeping pregnancies of people around us a secret from me. That is extra fun when I find out because then I get a dose of “I feel stupid that people have to keep things from me” mixed with “what the hell is wrong with me, why can’t I get pregnant.” I know people think they are doing the right thing not telling me but it makes it so much worse finding out through a third party. Ok, enough depressing talk. I am still feeling so happy and encouraged. We continue to be on the two year plan which has allowed me to be able to think about something else throughout the work days and actually become productive at work again.