My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

You've got to change your evil!

Yo tengo doler de estamago. I think that is how you say “I have a stomach ache” in Spanish…but it’s been awhile. Since around 10:00 AM yesterday I have had a constant stomach ache, been gassy, bloated and had the big D (I know TMI…but haven’t you learned to expect that form me yet?). I felt so bad yesterday after lunch that I considered not eating dinner last night for fear that I would have to spend the night in the bathroom and ended up eating anyway…..and spending the night running to the bathroom. I couldn’t figure out what the heck might have caused me to feel this way. During what felt like my 10th visit to the bathroom last night it hit me…..maybe my clean diet was actually cleansing me?? Counting today, I have been juicing for 9 days and following the nutrition recommendations for almost a month. Could it be that my body is finally starting to rid itself of 25 years worth of toxins? (Either that or I have a virus and I like my first theory much better so that is what I’m going with.) Whatever is going on made me terrified to fall asleep last night for fear that I was going to fart in my sleep. When you are trying to make a baby it is important to seem as attractive as possible to your husband. “Trying” is already taking something fun and turning it into a job so some romance needs to stick around if possible and that is hard to do when I am blasting my hubby away while I sleep. I don’t think it happened in my sleep though. I didn’t wake myself up at any point in the night and he didn’t say anything this morning and I am almost sure he would have made fun of me. It however did happen while I was standing outside with the dogs this morning. I was actually thinking to myself…..I feel a lot better today and then I felt my stomach bloat and then came a visit from the gas fairy again. While making my juice before leaving for work, I noticed that my boobs were throbbing and I had some lower cramping. Again, I wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me or if both of those symptoms were really present. I decided I was probably imaging things and left for work. As I sit here drinking my juice I am praying that my stomach doesn’t start to hurt again or that I don’t bloat again today. Last night while getting ready for bed, I noticed that I was so bloated that I looked like I was 4 months pregnant. Thankfully my stomach had deflated by the time it was time to change out of my sweatpants and into my work pants this morning. I got some time to read the chapter in my Dangerous Grains book last night and was surprised to find that not all rice is gluten free. Here I had been eating rice thinking I was making the healthy choice and I could have still been putting poison in my body. If the rice is labeled as enriched, it has a coating on it and there is a 50% chance the coating has gluten in the ingredients. When buying rice, if the box says enriched on it and doesn’t also say it is gluten free, you might as well be buying a loaf of bread. I was very frustrated after reading this. Just another thing I am going to have to cut out of the old diet when at eating out because I seriously doubt the high school or college student that is working will know what “enriched” rice is and if their employer serves it. The chapter also discussed how harmful gluten is to people with an allergy to it. Not to get dramatic but finally deciding to completely cut gluten out of my diet probably saved my life. I believe everything happens for a reason and I really think that I received my POF diagnosis so that I would change my evil ways (I am singing Santana’s song in my head right now “you’ve got to change your evils ways, baby). I am finally taking care of “me” and it feels really great. I am frightened to think what damage I have done to my body but I know I can heal, just need to watch what I eat, exercise and reduce the stress level. Speaking of which, I need a break!

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.