My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

A Few Extra Pounds to Carry Around and Our First Dr. Willing to Work with Us

So I think, rather I know I am having one of those “I’m feeling sorry for myself “ days. I have started to notice (and so had my husband) that I seem to be gaining weight at a very abnormal pace and although I could eat a bit healthier on the weekends, this weight gain cannot possibly from what I am eating/drinking. As we talked about it this morning I came to the realization that is most likely hormones…or lack of… in my body. It is very sad. I used to have a great body that worked for me both inside and out and now it seems that it is failing me in every way.  I went from being a confident woman to not even wanting to go out in public.  I just don’t know how I got here. It seems I either need to stop taking the estrogen and progesterone or start taking more. DHEA is actually given to people to help them loose weight so it can’t be that. I cried on the phone to my husband this morning and told him I am ready to be done with all of this. I want my body back completely hormones and all and if that means going back on birth control or taking more hormones so be it.  I will not live this way hating the way I look. I have an appointment with my doctor next Tuesday morning and you better bet I will be asking for some blood tests and some answers. On a more positive note, I had a consultation with one of three doctors that work with high FSHers. This one is located in St. Louis and came very highly recommended off of one of the message boards I have been reading through. He was very friendly and has worked with many women in my position. There was one point in the conversation where he compared my fertility to the ups and downs of the stock market. I thought I might have to hang up but he recovered quickly. He stated that I needed to plan on 3-4 ivf cycles in case the first doesn’t work. Being that the under lying problem with my body right now is that my ovaries don’t respond, he can’t be sure how long or even if we could get them to respond with the treatments. We discussed the hormones I was currently on and he said he thought I just needed to be on higher doses in order to stimulate the follicles that what I was on right now just wasn’t enough to do anything. I would have a period of 10 days where I would need to be in town for each treatment which isn’t a bid deal with my family living there but I don’t know how I would get that much time off of work.  The doctor said it could work the first time or it could take a few cycles or it might not work but at least then I would know and be comfortable with using donor eggs. I thanked him for his time and he said he would be sending me some information on some of his patients like me who had success with IVF and said they would be contacting me soon. I am just terrified to try this and don’t think I am ready to spend the big bucks on it quite yet. I still have some time to decide as  I am meeting with two doctors here in Colorado before I make any decisions. It is good to know there are doctors out there who are willing to help me…at least with the baby thing. I go to see the hypnotist today which I am really excited about. Not really sure what to expect but I figure if she was interviewed on lifetime and has written a book full of success stories that she has probably worked with people in my situation. We will see. I just pray that I can loose the extra weight I am carrying around, I feel miserable right now.

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.