My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Not Giving Up and More Research

I would just like to say that I am giving into this diagnosis. I am tired of dealing with hit. I am going to focus on the positives, I don’t have to worry about purchasing tampons and pads every month, I don’t have to worry about when I can and cannot wear white and my hormones are always the same (good for the hubby). I have scheduled a consultation with a doctor in St. Louis to speak with him about IVF with high FSHers. I am curious to see if he has worked with someone who has POF. He was on the list of specialist who are willing to work with high FSHers. I am also going to make an appointment with a new fertility specialist here in Denver in July to see what they have to say about working with someone who has a high FSH. I think it might be different if you have POF but it is worth giving it a try. I am going to leave out everything that has happened and see what they come up with. I am going to see if they give me the same POF diagnosis or if they will give me a different diagnosis. I have chosen July for a few reasons, 1. I started the visualization and meditation exercises recommended by The fertile soul website by Dr. Randine Lewis, started the fertility diet in cooking for fertility (ok fine I cheat a little each day but it has got to be a little better then it was before) and my family is coming the last week in June. I figure having a month of positive thinking and eating might better my results…might sound silly but the mind can be a powerful thing.

I found this incredible website where women discuss what they are going through in trying to conceive. The site has forums, call circles and advice from Julia, author of invonceivable.

• Notice the language you use. Your body is listening to every word you say. Are you infertile or do you have difficulty conceiving? Words can function as powerful fertility drugs htat increase fertility and they can also diminish the life force coursing through you. Consider deleting damaging fertility related diagnostic terms such as "poor responder," incompetent cervix, advanced maternal age especially when used by the Fertility Authorities you encounter on the road toward motherhood.

• Take note of any painful beliefs and images you may have about motherhood. The Fertile Heart Imagery Practice is aimed at repairing beliefs and images that no longer serve you.

So I have been a busy little bee lately. I have been doing a lot of research on hypnotherapy/meditation and fertility. I purchased two CD’s and downloaded them to my ipod and make sure to take 30 minutes each work day to do listen to a 20 minute meditation. It makes me feel better and I am also working on keeping my thoughts positive. I have been doing the meditations for a little over two weeks now and I am amazed at how much more relaxed I feel. I think stress is a big part of my problem right now. I also ordered cooking for fertility and am trying to follow it as closely as I can with my hectic schedule but basically it just tells you to follow a typical Japanese diet. Cooked veggies with grains, some wheatgrass and some green tea. I switched my workouts from running (which didn’t seem to be doing much) to dancing (wii zuma and just dance) and kick boxing. The cooking for fertility books listed dancing as a better exercise to do in order to get the blood flowing. I am also doing the abnominal messages every night before I go to sleep. This is to help the ovaries get the blood they need to be healthy. I have an appointment with Eastburn hypnotherapy in July and ready their book “it’s conceivable”. I have a good feeling about this. They will help me to relax and picture my life the way I would like it to be and to let go of all the crap I am holding in. I am also going to go to the chiropractor. They, like all the other doctors I have worked with, claim they can heal anything wrong with your body….and of course I have read some stories from medical journals regarding women who were unable to conceive, had their bodies realigned and then poof they were pregnant. I mean why not? Seems like I have tried everything else and I would like to go anyway. After years of dance classes I am sure I could use a good crack.

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.