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My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Monday, June 21, 2010

A Good Dose of Laughter and some deep thoughts

It has been a long time since my last entry and I feel like I have been through a lot since then. After my delayed return home from my last business trip, I was able to spend a few hours with the hubby before he was whisked away to Arizona for a few days of golf and lavish dinners on his company. I was left at home to take care of the Chihuahuas a hope that I didn’t ovulate the few days he was out of town. The first day my husband was gone I noticed I had a large amount of white and clear CM but nothing stretchy, the second day was the same but it started to get thicker and a bit clumpy and the third day it got even more thick and was stretchy. The bad thing is that it happened while he was out of town, the good thing is that it finally happened. That is another positive change in my body since starting the diet and life style changes in April of this year. I haven’t had changes in my CM like that throughout this whole process and nothing stretchy like that since last October. Things are definitely getting better, I am positive I will either be seeing a period by the 15th of this month or a pregnancy test (two weeks from when I appeared to have ovulated). This past week I have been visiting with family in St. Louis which has been so nice. I seem to smile and laugh so much while with my family and that is such good medicine. My abs are actually sore from laughing so hard so you know that it must have had other positive side effects on my body. Laughing and enjoying life is so important for anyone to do but is extra important for someone who is trying to heal. I am so lucky to have my family. They are all such a wonderful and important part of my life and I really wish I could see them more. My cousin (one of four of my bridesmaids who have had babies this year) spent a lot of time with me and I got to hold her brand new baby son a few times. I have read that holding a baby can amazing effects on a woman’s body. Perhaps it jump started one of the missing links to my fertility? While on this trip I stuck to my diet and was sure to go on a morning job every morning. I feel really good and for the first time ever, I am returning home thinner then when I left. I am usually barely able to zip my pants as I get ready to go to the airport. As I got ready this morning, I slide right in to my pants and zipped and buttoned them with no problem (not that you care about my pants). The day before I left for this trip, I went to see Mrs. W who gave me the works again. My ionic foot bath had similar results as my last one only this time I actually had clumps that wouldn’t break down in the water that were a very dark read and even more black specks. My body seems to be letting go of a lot of toxins. Mrs. W also recommended some panty liners that have an ionic strip on them that are supposed to help counteract bacteria and promote healthy menstruation. She used them to help re-align her cervix after her last pregnancy and thought they may help my periods not only re-appear but also become more regulated. I have been wearing them while I sleep at night for almost a week. The brand of the liners is Anion and they are not thick and uncomfortable at all. I figure it is one of the less weird things I have tried throughout this whole process so why not? On my flight to St. Louis, I read a book “the Healer Within” which discusses how to heal your body from the inside out. This book explained how to rub hands, ears and feet to help your body heal and also discussed the importance of deep breathing. The past few mornings, I have started my day by taking 10 deep breaths and massaging each of my hands and ended my day by taking 10 deep breaths and rubbing my ears. The book said the most difficult task is working the rituals into your daily routine so now that I have that done…..let the healing begin. Perhaps it is starting to work because I feel even more relaxed then I did before and woke up this morning with cramps. We will have to see, who knows maybe the 15th was the wrong date to be waiting for. I took a pregnancy test last Thursday before I left on my trip so I think I will wait until at least June 15th to take another but maybe my period will come before then?? Only time will tell, I will be interested to see what happens in the next week. As I sit here in the airport waiting for another flight, I am waiting to hear back from a good friend of mine (another bridesmaid) who went to the hospital this morning, 1 cm dialated, ready and willing to give birth. She was sent home after no further progression a few hours ago so I am thinking of her and hoping that she is not in much pain. I know that I will be in the same boat soon and will be interested in everything she goes through.

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.