My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Relax....and take a deep breath

So much to share today. Last week I continued to have cramps up until about Saturday. Well I thought they were cramps but maybe they weren’t?? Seems that only felt a pain/cramp from my left ovary from Weds-Saturday. On Thursday during an appointment with Mrs. W, she had me take part of the ionic footbath and set them on top of my skin where I imagined my ovaries were. Then she explained that I needed to control the switch that controlled the footbath and the separate pieces over my ovaries. Basically I was to move it up until I felt twitching or tingling and that meant I had come across an area that needed some work. The results of my footbath were that I had a lot of metal (black) and mucus and I even had some color come out of my skin where I was holding the other two tools kind of a brown light brown color?? Mrs. W said that was very strange….is that good you think? I have never been what you call normal so I am going to go with strange is good. After this appointment, my left ovary was on fire. It literally felt like it was pulsating. On my way home, I recalled a chapter in a healing book I had recently read about a woman who was involved in a bad car accident and was thrown from her car. As she arrived at the hospital and they ran tests, she was told that she had a lot of internal injuries. One of her lungs was collapsed and her spleen was ruptured. The doctors wanted to remove her spleen but couldn’t operate until she stabilized. Feeling helpless laying there waiting to see if she did in fact stabilize, the woman decided she was going to do everything she could at that moment to help herself. Being that she was not able to get up from the hospital bed, she began trying to take deep, deep breaths. At first it really burned and she couldn’t take very deep ones, but as she worked at it she found that she was able to breathe more deeply with every hour she worked at it until she was taking complete breaths. The next day the doctors came in to check her vitals, did some x-rays and found that her lung had repaired itself and that the lesion on her spleen was also better. She had healed herself by taking really deep breaths and relaxing herself. I know what you are thinking, “yeah right”. The doctors involved confirmed this happening and if you search “the healing power of deep breathing”, you will be amazed. How can something that should be so obvious for us to do on a daily basis be missed by so many? I used to think I breathed the correct way but in order to take one full, deep breath, your lower abdomen should come out and your lungs should almost burn. As you take the deep breathe you will notice that your mind is clear because you are focusing on taking the breath. This is why the experts say deep breathing is so healing, as you focus on taking the breaths, you stop stressing and your mind is at ease. Your body takes in all of the oxygen, relaxes and you feel more at ease. Try it the next time you are sitting in traffic or having trouble falling asleep at night. It has helped me fall asleep a few times since I have incorporated into my getting ready for bed routine which was already quite lengthy but breathing my 10 breaths takes less then 3 minutes. As I stated previously, I am taking the time each morning before I get out of bed to take 10 deep breaths and then doing 10 more before I fall asleep. The point of this story is that I believe that what I was feeling last week wasn’t a period, it was my ovary healing. My left ovary has never been able to be viewed on any of my ultrasounds. The fertility specialist said it was probably because it was either to small with no follicles or because it had collapsed. My new OBGYN, Dr. S, said it is because it hides behind my bowels. I think Dr. S is probably the closest to the real reason mainly because the fertility specialist also told me my right ovary was collapsed with no standing follicles which we all know is not true. I think what I felt last week was my left ovary healing. I talked it over with Mrs. W and she believes that as well. She said we shouldn’t feel any of our internal organs from the outside unless something is going on good or bad and given all of the positive changes I have seen lately, she believed the pain was good. She said it seems like my body is really cleansing and healing quickly and that it seems ready to be healthy again. On Saturday, during a trip to the bathroom, I noticed some strange CM that resembled a thin piece of paper followed by some clear stretchy CM. The thin paper like CM was in a round shape and the size of a pencil top eraser. Alarmed I called my husband which I am not sure why I did that because he had no idea what to say and then all I did was worry him. He then wanted me to take another HPT but I told him that two in one week was enough and that those things aren’t cheap. If it were up to him, I would take one every morning. The strange CM was gone after Saturday and so was the pain on my left ovary. “Things” have been dry since Saturday and I am anxious to see what changes happen the next two weeks. I have marked in my calendar when I think I could have ovulated last month and am hoping it happens again this month. Speaking of ovulation, my husband and I have decided to cancel our appointment with the fertility specialist in August and make an appointment with a new fertility clinic called Conceptions. My mother had read about this clinic in a local magazine and saw them on the news and one of my followers on this blog also recommended them. We decided that the other clinic had bad karma and didn’t think that we couldn’t go in with a positive attitude even with all the positive changes after how mean the ultrasound tech was to us that horrible day in April 2009. Conceptions will give us a new start, new positive karma and a better chance at successful IVF. It is a good decision for us and Conceptions has a pretty good success rate so I don’t feel like I am losing anything by making the switch except for the bad karma which I will gladly leave behind. I hope that Conceptions will make us feel welcome and maintain a positive attitude throughout our IVF process (should we have to do that).

1 comment:

  1. Hey-Conceptions is the one I told you about! That's where I go:) They are great!


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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.