My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Save the carrot shaving from your juicer and make carrot cake or carrot muffins yummy! You can also save them to put in a salad.

Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Learning to say NO and how to de-stress

Weds., June 9th

After reading a great and inspiration book called “the Fertile Soul” by Randine Lewis on my recent trip. I am now convinced that part of the reason my body shut down was because of stress that has been building up internally for many years…..I also believe the other reason for my fertility issue is taking the pill for over 10 years. The book discusses how stress can and has caused many women’s fertility to not work properly or stop working all together. Until recently, I have always been a people pleaser, afraid to say no, afraid to make someone mad, afraid to go against the norm. I would just let things happen and not say anything, say yes to every party/dinner invitation I received and rushed around trying to please everyone….everyone that is but me! This has caused me to hide and harvest a lot of internal anger when people don’t reciprocate the same actions towards me…in other words in acting a certain way, I expected my friends and loved ones to return the favor….and when they didn’t I would get upset but wouldn’t say anything because after all they were my friends and family and I didn’t want to upset them. This book has taught me that I can’t do that anymore because in pleasing everyone but myself, I am loosing myself. I need to say no when I want to, express emotion when I need to and learn to not get upset when everything doesn’t go perfectly. I also need to take time to take deep breathes, message my hands and feet and embrace how truly lucky I am in life and love. For almost a month now, I haven’t been focused on my fertility problems. One because I can feel my body healing and two I just cant worry about it anymore, I need to move on. I feel great, like a new woman and I am ready for whatever life throws my way. Having said that I still need to report that both yesterday and today, I have had thin, clear, water like CM. I haven’t had anything like this since going off the pill so this is another change. A very good friend of mine had her baby this morning so after work I am off to see the new bambino and welcome him into this crazy place we call life and then will be off to help the hubby start packing up our first home together so we can buy our first home together.

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.