My Story

Hi there, welcome to my blog. Yes I am a drama queen and yes I have been deemed “infertile” by a few of the medical experts in the great State of Colorado but that hasn’t made me give up my quest to have children quite yet. My husband and I have been on the emotional roller coaster of infertility since March of 2009 when I stopped taking birth control after being on it for ten straight years. I have been keeping a journal since the start of this process and thought I would share it with all of the other incredible women out there who may be going through the same thing or similar thing that I am. At age 28, I have been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure (POF). With no history of fertility problems on either side of my family and normal periods before going on the pill, I was left to accept that I have this condition and that there is no medical explanation for it. Since receiving this diagnosis from a fertility specialist in May 2009, I decided I simply wasn’t going to accept that I wasn’t going to have children with my own eggs. I jumped into the world of Eastern Medicine, worked with an Endocrinologist and even went on a fertility diet trying to get my ovaries to start functioning normally. The conclusion I have come to is this…..having Celiac Disease (Gluten/Flour intolerance) and continuing to eat flour throughout most of my childhood and part of adulthood caused my body to produce anti-bodies that have now started attacking the organs/glands in my body. After a visit to an endocrinologist in December 2009, it was determined that I have ovarian antibodies which are essentially antibodies produced by my body that only attack the endocrine system. No doctor has actually confirmed my self diagnosis that the Gluten Intolerance caused this but Celiac Disease is an auto immune disorder and any auto immune disorder can cause your body to attack itself. I am currently waiting to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist to see what the next steps for me will be. I have read that doctors can try and stimulate the Pituitary Gland to get your Endocrine System running again or that you can be given steroids to help restore ovary function. I am hoping to receive one of these treatments in the near future but only time will tell. In the past 10 months, I have watched many of my close friends become pregnant while I remain a sad statistic. This blog contains my thoughts as I struggle through the process of figuring out what in the world is going on with my body and how I continue to try to stay upbeat and positive about my fertility and enjoy my life. I hope that my blog can help others would love to hear from other women going through the same thing, inspiring stories or anyone who just needs encouragement. I know and understand how difficult every day can be once you have received the POF or infertile diagnosis and want you all to know that I am here for you. Please note that some of you may feel I am sharing to much information (TMI) and for that I am sorry. If you want to read my blog…you get all the details. You never know what will be helpful to someone else right? God bless everyone and I wish you luck on your fertility adventures:0) Remember mind over matter!

My intent is to raise awareness of the issues. Please do not rely on this or any other article when making decisions that will affect you and your health. These are things I have decided to try after much research.
I am sorry I have to even ask, but this research stuff is starting to get expensive. I am just asking for $1.00 donation for posts you feel have helped you. I will use all donations to help fund my research and doctors appointments and of course report back to you. Baby dust to all of you and dont worry we will all find a way to have children.

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Infertile – a horrible word used to make women who are already feeling bad about themselves want to jump into a pool of chocolate fudge and eat their sorrows away only to realize that not only can they not get pregnant but now they don’t fit in their clothes. A word so easily tossed around by doctors that they don’t even realize they are saying it and a word that you never under any circumstances should google unless you want your brain to explode.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I Am Woman Hear Me ROAR!

I am officially changing myself for the better. I had two people tell me that they wished they could be as upbeat and positive as I am all the time. Not bad for someone who was once considered narcissistic and negative at one point in my life huh?? Ok fine, I’ll admit I am still extremely sarcastic at times but I don’t feel like I have this big black cloud hanging over me anymore. I find that I am able to better handle stress and bad news and feel really good and energetic throughout the day. I am also finding it easier to see my glass half full instead of half empty which I have always had a hard time doing. Why set yourself up for disappointment…is what I used to say but now I believe that seeing the glass half full is a much better way to live. Heck maybe I will picture my glass completely full of a yummy frozen strawberry margarita! I know I have already stated this and you are probably tired of reading it but I have made the decision to enjoy everyday of my life like it is the last one. You never know when your last day is going to be and I don’t want to be sitting up in heaven wishing I had enjoyed life down here more…and yes I believe I am going to heaven. There may be some people I have come across in my life that believe there is a special place in hell for me but I live my life as a good Christian and believe that is where I am going. There maybe a brief quiz at the pearly white gates but I will eventually get in. It was nice to see that the changes I have made to myself and my life are being noticed by others and not just by me. An hour after receiving the compliments, I was working away at my desk when my phone rang. I looked on the caller ID and it read CU Denver. I thought it might be a student looking for an internship so I answered in my most professional sounding voice. It was my OBGYN, Dr. Santorro (specializes in working with POF patients). She called in regards to my high FSH result I had received a few days before. She said she understood that I had gotten upset but that it wasn’t anything to be upset over. Patients with POF can have an extremely high FSH reading one day and a few days later it can be extremely low it just depends on what your ovaries are doing. She said it can be really difficult to test the FSH for POF patients and that I would be better off just listening to my body and watching for any changes and then whenever I think the time is right “jumping” on my husband is a good thing to do. In her experience, it seems that in POF patients the ovaries typically store up follicles for three months and after the third month will have a cycle (this was good news). Then she said something that I really need to remember….patients with POF have trouble not getting frustrated especially if they are compulsive at having control on things. You have to relax and keep doing things that are healthy for you to do. As I thanked her for calling and hung up the phone, I made myself another promise, I was going to stop trying to control everything in my life and relax….or at least try and relax. I don’t do that very well, never have. I come from a long line of high strung women on my mom’s side. My Dad is very laid back and occasionally I feel that coming out in me …but not very often. I need to explore that side of me more and learn to let “freakin” let go of things. The unexpected news from the doctor put my good mood into the almost annoying range but I didn’t care. I just worked away at my desk and when I got to the gym five hours later I skipped right in to the kickboxing class and got through it with no energy problems at all. It felt great to work out, I am going to try and do it more often while I am trying to get Aunt Flo to start visiting again. I have a lot of new goals right now so why not set another one….I would like to be back to the weight I was at when I received my diagnosis….that means I have ten pounds to loose. I stopped running when the doctors told me running was bad for fertility and grew in to then out of all of my fat day clothes. Sweatpants have become a big part of my weekend wardrobe and although it is comfy….it is not a sexy look for someone in their twenties. I am not going to obsess about my weight or try to loose it to fast. I would like to loose it by Christmas which gives me five months. My hope is that by Christmas, I will have seen more positive changes to my body and that I will have had one or two visits from Aunt Flo by then. I know it will take some time to heal my body but like I have said way to many times before…if people can cure their cancer, I can regain function of my reproductive system. I am changing my life one day at a time and for that I am grateful I am going through this time in my life. Because of the diagnosis, I will live the rest of my life must more aware and healthy then I would have if I hadn’t gone through this. I have helped other women going through something similar, have helped people to make better decisions on nutrition and have learned to appreciate how much better a glass half full looks then one that is half empty. I am a new woman or maybe I have finally become a woman?? Anyway hear me ROAR!

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Reading Materials/Other Items That Have Helped Me

  • Inconceivable
  • Making Babies by Sami S. David, MD & Jill Blakeway, LAc
  • pre-seed Fertility-friendly Intimate Moisturizer
  • restoring fertility - yoga for optimal fertility dvd - you can feel it working!
  • Taking Charge for Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, MPH
  • The Infertility Cure by Randin Lewis, Ph. D.