Thursday, July 29, 2010
Two Years and a Much Better Person
At this exact time and date two years ago, I was getting ready to walk down the aisle. Today is my two year wedding anniversary, time flies when you are trying to heal your body right? My husband and I have come a long way since then. We thought we knew everything about each other but as most of you who are married know….we thought wrong. For whatever reason, marriage seems to complicate things. It takes two people who are in love with no issues and turns them into two strangers wearing matching wedding bands. I thought I knew my husband before we were married but it has honestly taken the past two years for us to really to know each other and find our “niche” if you will. In a way, I am grateful we didn’t get pregnant when we started trying. We weren’t ready then. We had so much growing we needed to do as a couple and I had some growing to do as an individual. I never fully appreciated anything I had in life be it my health, family, friends and material possessions. I took advantage of my monthly gift, my job, my husband and so on and so on. I just expected my body to carry out the necessary functions of life, never giving anything back to it but a ton of Diet Dr. Pepper and cheese. I deserve what I got, I took a pill that suppressed my reproductive system to make things easy on me. I don’t blame my body for wanting to show me what I didn’t appreciate. This whole experience has taught me to love and appreciate everything more….not just my body. The message at church yesterday in summary was that as Christians, we need to treat everyone with the same kindness and not turn our backs on others, especially loved ones, simply because we don’t want to deal with the inconvenience. By taking the pill, I was avoiding the inconvenience of having a period every month (on months where I took the pill straight through…couldn’t have a visit from aunt flow on my wedding day) or worrying about alternative methods of birth control. I simply turned my back on my reproductive system and for that I have paid a hefty price. I know that when I get my results back today that it will be a sign that my body is finally forgiving me and that mother nature is ready to start her monthly visits with me again. I understand it will be a probationary “period” the first 6 months to make sure I continue with my end of the deal. I promise to have chocolate and a heating pad waiting each month for mother nature’s arrival and also swear that I will never complain about it even if they last two weeks at a time! I was at a party for a dear friend this past weekend. As I was standing in the kitchen watching everyone at the party I noticed that with the exception of one younger woman who was single, I was the only woman within child bearing age (out of 12) that didn’t have a child. My mother who was standing next to me, must have been meeting up with my brain waves because she just grabbed my arm and said “don’t worry it will happen for you”. I just looked at her and said “I will not be the 1%, I refuse”. For those of you just joining this blog, 1% is the percentage of women with unexplained fertility in the United States. I choose to be in the 99% that do get pregnant and have healthy reproductive systems. My diagnosis is simply that just words typed onto a piece of paper and put in a file that has probably collected lots of dust by now being that it has been a year and a half since my last appointment with the fertility specialist. I will not accept my diagnosis, it isn’t true. I have long lasting side effects from taking the pill and in a few months, things will be just as they should be. As I sit here and wait for the doctor’s office to call, I feel grateful for the opportunity to learn everything I’ve learned about nutrition and alternative medicine. I feel lucky to have been connected with such great people online and read so many amazing stories about amazing women who have also chosen to ignore their own medical diagnosis and proven doctors wrong. Wish me luck, only a few hours until the moment of truth. Mother nature I am ready for your next visit and doctors office I am ready for the best news I have gotten in a awhile. No time for a case of the Mondays, to much to think about already!