It's Feeling Sorry for Myself Friday!

I’m back! I am finally home, the one week in the panhandle felt like a month. Of course I couldn’t remember where I had parked the car so with my 50 pound duffle bag (I will never, repeat never, travel with a suitcase that doesn’t have wheels again!), computer bag and purse I explored the three airport parking garages until I finally found it. Guess where is was? In the first garage I looked on. I jumped in the car and raced home. After I was all settled in, I pulled out my bag long grain brown rice, some veggies and some shrimp and made a stir fry for myself. After a long week of plain lettuce and nuts I couldn’t wait one more second for something yummy and delicious that I could eat while staying on my diet. As I got everything scooped into my bowl, I sprinkled some flaxseed oil over the top along with some olive oil and sat down in front of the TV with my hubby. I don’t know if I was just really hungry or what but the stir fry tasted amazing and it was worth the four day wait! Yummy food, Greys Anatomy and snuggling with my hubby now that is what I call a good night! After I was done eating, I did the dishes and the hubby and I went upstairs to try and make a baby. On this subject, I have noticed that in the past two months, it has really hurt during intercourse (down there). I have read and have been told by my doctors that may be a symptom of menopause (thin lining) or it can mean that I am about to have my monthly friend or in my case my (quarterly friend). Your cervix closes after ovulation causing certain positions to be painful but why would it be closed for two months? If things don’t get better I will be forced to go on some hormone replacement. It literally feels like someone is jabbing needles into me which puts a horrible look on my face which makes my husband feel like I am not enjoying the experience at all so it is not a good thing for anyone and if it doesn’t go away before my next appointment with the OBGYN, I will have to go on hormone replacement :0(. You can still get pregnant while on replacement though and I have actually read good things about the estrodial patch. It has actually helped women with POF get pregnant in a few studies. The hormones in the patch help to stimulate the follicles that are just sitting in the ovaries since there are not enough of the right hormones to finish the process and mature one or two of them. Maybe going on this patch wouldn’t be a bad thing?? Or course I want to stay as natural as I can but my husband and I need to be able to enjoy each other and right now I cant enjoyOther then the pain during intercourse, I feel great! I have lost weight, my skin is glowing and my hair is really soft and shiny. My energy levels are much better then they were and I feel more positive and open minded. I was so excited to have a session with my juicer this morning that I got up early before my alarm and was slicing fruit by 5:00 AM. First I juiced my wheatgrass wrapped in kale and took that down as a shot and then made my veggie and fruit smoothie complete with the superfood powder from Mrs. W. I feel motivated, relaxed and ready to tackle the weekend (I think). Saturday, I have a date with my Chihuahuas and my mother. The Dumb Friends League is hosting a race called the Furry Scurry to raise money so we are all going to walk in it (as long as its not snowing or below 30) then we are going to go to my favorite outside market and look for baby items. No they aren’t for me (yet) I am going to a baby shower on Sunday and would like to find a few things to go with my gift. Saturday night I have plans to meet up with a bunch of girls from college. Two of them are really pregnant (one being my one of my best friends) and a few of them have kids. I am really hoping I can forget my missing link and enjoy myself but I just don’t know if I am feeling being out with the girls right now. I just kind of want to stay home and relax in my sweats but I know that going out and being with friends is probably going to be really good for me. It’s the shower on Sunday I am more worried about. The host is preggers and the shower is being held for my best friend who I am currently so jealous of right now. There I admitted it! I want so badly to pee on a stick and see a plus sign! My two best friends seem to be starting the next chapter of their lives ( M has two beautiful children and C have one coming in a month and a half) and for some reason I am not being permitted to make the transition. Am I supposed to be in this stage a little longer then everyone else? Is this because I didn’t know how to take care of myself nutritionally? Or because I drank a little bit in high school? What is the reason? I didn’t realize it, but my friend from Texas that had 0% chance of getting pregnant and got pregnant…..she was the only person I knew (other then myself) that was having trouble getting pregnant and now there is only one …..me! I guess I am the statistic…for now anyway. Me saying this does not in anyway mean I don’t believe my body is making a come back. I know that it is and I have to be patient. I am simply having a moment. I hate to say this, but having one friend that was in the same boat as me made me feel like I wasn’t alone and now….I feel alone again! I want to be the same person I was before all of this started. The woman who could laugh things off, have a good time and not constantly be worrying about if the french fries I was about to eat were going to affect my fertility. I know that my days of eating french fries are gone right now but I really want find where my personality went and get it back. I have moved the fertility specialist appointment and am going to just plan on going in there in August and starting the IVF process. That was my plan before the good ultrasound and that will continue to be my plan. If something happens between now and then, that would be amazing. If something doesn’t happen, I will be the healthiest I have ever been and will feel ready to tackle the IVF realm. I did some research one night when I couldn’t sleep during my trip on healing the ovaries and found an amazing story about a woman who had a 6 cm fibroid in her womb and a case of horrible endometriosis. She was told her right ovary needed to be removed and demanded that it be left in her body. During the surgery to remove the fibroid, the doctor had to stitch the right ovary back together and told the woman her ovary was hanging by a thread and said the chances of her needing another surgery and possibly a hysterectomy were pretty good. 6-8 months after the operation she went back in for an ultrasound and to her and the doctor’s surprise both ovaries looked perfectly healthy. The right ovary had healed itself. I found this to be a truly amazing storing and proof that my ovaries can heal just as hers did. Here is the link http://www.anunda.com/articles/self-healing.htm. And with this inspirational story I am ending this post. Wish me luck on my adventures Lord please give me the courage to accept things I cannot change, stop eating my feelings and allow myself to have some fun.

THE CLEANSE PART II

Sorry forgot to post this on Monday before I left for my trip…..I went in for my second colon cleanse a six days ago and I feel great. This time we didn’t do an ionic foot bath, Mrs. W had me lay on a table that had a whole body message with infared lights. I laid there for about 30 minutes and got a message that stops periodically at certain pressure points and was able to really relax. The message is supposed to help relax your body before you get the cleanse. It worked, I was relaxed and ready to “take it”. This time after the cleanse when I went to the bathroom, I did release quite a bit of water. It was a very strange feeling but I got the water out and was on my way. This time Mrs. W sent me with the half gallon of ionized water since I was going to be traveling and couldn’t take me water with me. She told me to be sure and take my probiotic supplements and to call her if I had any side effects. She explained that as you get more cleanse, your body might resist and therefore you can feel kind of icky for a day or two. I made an appointment for my third cleanse for 9 days later and walked out the door. My husband was waiting for me as I walked outside. I climbed in and we started the drive to the natural grocer. We talked about what he had done while I was in my appointment and what we were going to get at the grocery store but not once did he ask how my appointment went. I continue to be shocked that he isn’t at all curious as to what goes on at all my appointments. I mean, he has to be curious doesn’t he? Whether it is acupuncture, OBGYN or colon cleansing appointments he has to be curious. I let it go, guessing he didn’t want to get into how the cleaning of my colon had gone and we talked about my upcoming business trip and his golf tee time he had the next day. When we got to the store I was sure to take in my new list of items Mrs. W had told me to get. Nutritional yeast was first on my list. I went to the bins where most of the grains were and spotted it. There wasn’t much left in the bin so I couldn’t really scoop some that the color hadn’t been changed from being exposed by light in the store but I got about 2 cups worth. I was sure to get flaxseed oil to mix with olive oil for salad dressing, my probiotic pills in the organge box and I got about 3 cups of long grain brown rice. I picked up a few vegetables and we were on our way. When we got home, I noticed that I was getting a headache so I put the groceries away and went up to lay down. I ended up staying in be the rest of the night. I didn’t feel awful, just a headache and felt kind of tired. When I woke up the next day I felt fine and was glad that I the side effects from the cleanse didn’t seem to be spilling over into my Sunday. My husband went to his golf lesson and I hung out at home cleaning and packing for my business trip. I went to lunch with my Mom and went shopping but was sure to get back in time to start cooking dinner. I wanted to use some of my new groceries Mrs. W had suggested. I am excited to tell you that the nutritional yeast does taste a bit like cheese and when mixed with the brown rice or put on top of a baked potatoes it is really good! I even took a bit with me on my trip. The flaxseed oil mixed with olive oil is really good. Flax is really good for protein and is also said to help restore healthy estrogen levels in the body. I feel like drinking the stuff..the more estrogen the better. I try and sprinkle it on everything I eat now. It has been a few days since my last cleanse now and for the past two days, I have had lots of thin, clear CM. Today there was a lot and it makes me kind of worry because I am in a different state traveling and I hope my hubby and I are not missing our first shot in 5 months to make a baby! I hope this happens next month too. It is probably god making sure my body is ready before the baby starts growing inside me.

Peanuts, get your peanuts!

It is five days after my second cleanse and I am feeling good. I have been a work trip to the middle of nowhere Texas and am currently waiting to get on my plane to get back to civilization. Although it was a nice change and kind of a mini-vaca, all I was able to eat on my diet while down south were peanuts and plain lettuce. I was finally forced to eat "meat" this morning when the only thing on the light menu was biskets and gravy, the shortstack pancake or eggs and toast. I settled for scrambled eggs with no glutten mixed in and once I made a stop at the gas station to fill up the rental I bought more of you guessed it....nuts.  I can't wait to see my huband, dogs and my juicer! Oh how I have missed it the last few days.  I have had some positive changes since my last cleanse.  Mon-Weds, I had very heavy flowing, clear CM. None of it was really thick or stretchy but there was lots of it!  Today I still have some but not as much...maybe eating 3 pounds of peanuts wasnt so good for my fertility??? I have noticed that I have a few red spots on my body that have appeared. They are flat and bright red. They stay for a day or two and then dissapear...kind of weird but I am thinking it has something to do with my body cleaning out the toxins.  I havent been in the sun and they dont itch so they can't be bites.  I am anxious to get home and get back on my diet and not eat nuts for a few days.  I am glad I was able to come on this trip. I was able to really relax and focus on something else other then the activity of Mr. and Mrs. Ovary and it felt good.  I have decided that I am going to try and not care what happens this summer. Tomorrow I am going to call the fertility specialist's office and move my appointment to August. That way I can watch and see how my body heals and try for a baby all summer and if we still need help, I think I will be ready in August to go back. I just can't risk going next week and have them tell me something that will send me spiraling back into hopelessville when I have come so far since this time last year.  If I have follicules now, I should have them in a few months and I still have a feeling everything is going to be ok and dont want to rush things. Besides...I gave my body a deadline of Juine 15th. I should at least wait until after that to seek alternate fertility assistance.  Well I have a plane to catch hope everyone has a good night!

The Cleanse

Well, I survived “the cleanse”. It was an interesting experience but I learned a lot and feel a lot better. For the first time in five days, my stomach doesn’t feel like it is in knows and the gas is gone! It wasn’t anything like I had pictured, it was much better and I am glad I did it. So glad, that I am going back tomorrow to get another cleanse done (I will explain later). All day yesterday I kept having to run to the bathroom, the big D was visiting again. I was kind of scared of having the cleanse done on a day that my stomach felt like that and I barely made it to the therapist’s office and had to run into the bathroom. I was hoping that the therapist wouldn’t judge me for trashing her bathroom within the first 3 minutes after I walked through her door. That is why I was coming to see her right? I still felt awful and to make it worse it was a tiny bathroom with only one toilet so everyone had to share….and 28 years of “elimination” does not smell like roses…and that is all I am going to say. As I exited the bathroom, I opened the door and looked both ways, no sign of anyone around to be able to blame me, in fact I seemed to be the only one in the office not even the therapist was back from her lunch break. I sat down in the lobby and begin filling out the paperwork that had been laid out for me. It was a four page questionnaire that started out with your name and age. As I worked my way down the first page, I wrote about my medical issues, current daily stressors and other concerns I had with my body. The next page asked you to rank items as Rarely, Monderately or Everyday as they applied to my life growing up. The items included, exposure to industrial pollution, fast food, antibiotics, white flour and white sugar (). The rest of the paperwork was just more on my background and then a sheet stating that I understood I am electing to get this procedure done and any treatment/supplements the therapist shares with me is merely a suggestion and does not have to be followed/taken. My therapist, lets call her Mrs. W, walked in just as I was finishing my paperwork. She walked up and introduced herself and asked me to follow her back to her meeting room. Outside the room, she asked me to remove my coats and my shoes which I did and then I followed her in. In the room there was a bed (more like a cot) along the far wall with some blankets on it. Next to the bed were two chairs with a basket of items in-between them and then on the other side of the room, there was a shelf with bags of supplements and a water filtration system. Mrs. W asked me to sit in one of the chairs and said she would be right back, that we were going to start with an ionic footbath while we discussed the information in my paperwork. “A foot bath” I thought? Now we are talking! She reappeared with what looked like a clear plastic storage container with a lid over it. She slid it in front me and took the lid off. There was a metal device in the water with wire coming out. My first reaction was…um I’m not supposed to put my feet in water especially when there are live wires and a metal device in it. Mrs. W assured me this was safe, so in my feet went. As I slide my feet in the plastic tub, Mrs. W placed a long infrared light on my stomach and explained that infrared light was very therapeutic for the body. It is the healthy part of sun bathing. Here is what I found on ionic food baths on http://ezinearticles.com/?What-an-Ionic-Foot-Bath-Did-For-My-Family&id=330832


This man is talking about how foot baths changed his family’s lives. His young granddaughter was diagnosed with cancer and were looking for a way to get her body healthy again.



“In a common plastic bucket, you place the metal array in clean water that has a little sea salt in it. The array puts out a very small current with positive and negative ions that circulate through the body. The oppositely charged toxins attach to them and by osmosis the toxins are pulled out through the pores of the feet. The clean water starts to change color depending on what organs are detoxing.



Dark brown/black- is the liver detoxing

Orange- the joints

Yellow- urinary tract

Dark green- gallbladder

Black flecks- heavy metals

Red flecks-blood clot material

White foam- lymph nodes draining



In all fairness, the water will change color to some degree without feet in it because the metal, water, salt and minerals will react. But what you are looking for is the sludge that floats on the top of the water that stains the sides of the bucket. We found some independent studies done with and without feet and it showed the mucus in the water that just the water, salt and the metal array wouldn't produce by itself. In my research on the subject, some say, don't worry about what color the water changes to. Instead, notice what it is doing for you. I saw before and after pictures of blood samples of someone doing a foot bath. Before, the cells were clumped together in chains, and the after picture showed free flowing cells. I was so impressed by the ionic foot bath, I purchased one for myself”



For those of you that are about to Google ionic foot baths STOP and let me first say that like everything with Eastern Medicine there are claims that this works and claims that it doesn’t work. People believe what they want to believe. Someone could be doing acupuncture and/or ionic foot baths but if they are not changing other aspects of their lives like diet and stressors, the benefits will not be good as someone that is also changing those other things. Let me also tell you that when I put my feet in the water it was clear, Mrs. W slid the lid to cover my feet and when we were done going over my paperwork and discussing her journey, 40 minutes later, the water was dark brown with what looked like dirt sticking to my feet and ankles. From what I read online, this dirt was toxins that had come out of my body through my pores and judging on the color my liver was detoxing. I really didn’t feel much at all, a few pulses here and there but not really much of anything and after doing some research, I want my own foot bath to use at home..now! As my feet were soaking, Mrs. W started to explain her journey and how she came to have this profession. Mrs. W was really sick as a young girl and started having extremely heaving and irregular periods at age 10. When she was about my age, she was trying to get pregnant and couldn’t. She said that was the best thing that could have happened because that is when she discovered cleansing and a whole different outlook on life. She started getting colonics and detoxed her whole life. She has since had four babies, never had an irregular period again and is now 65 and other then her period going away, never had one menopausal symptom. She said she chose to be a Detox Life Coach because she wanted to help people heal themselves just as she had. We talked about the fact that I was trying to have a baby and she told me another story about a woman who had been trying for years for a baby but seemed to have one health problem after another pop up. This person happened to come into Denver to see a family member and stopped in to discuss possible treatment. Each of the five days she was in Denver, she had a colon cleanse and an ionic foot bath. About one month after returning home, she called Mrs. W and told her that she had gotten pregnant! I know what you are thinking, this woman was trying to push all the right buttons but she doesn’t strike me as someone who would pump pooh out of someone for a living if she didn’t believe it worked…get my drift? After sharing some success stories with me, we started working through the rest of my paperwork. She started explaining the questions about my childhood. The antibiotics are important because they attack the good bacteria in our bodies allowing the harmful bacteria to attack. They should put that on the prescription bottles! We then discussed my gluten allergy and the fact that I was exposed to both white flour and white sugar on a daily basis my entire life up until I was diagnosed with Celiacs. The human body was not built to digest all of the white flour & sugar the average person ingests on a daily basis in today’s society. The situation is twice as bad for someone with Celiacs which means my body has been screaming for help! For someone with Celiacs, gluten, when ingested basically takes a hack saw to your internal systems. Mrs. W went on to explain how my body shutting down certain systems was its way of saying “hey, you need to put down the slice of pizza and soda and help us out here”. Our bodies should be made up of 70% good bacteria and 30% bad bacteria. Unfortunately due to the commone diets in today’s society, with most people this is reversed. When there is more bad bacteria then bad, the bad bacteria or “candida” think our body is shutting down and begins helping with the process and this is where cancer and other sicknesses/disorders are created. She said that the changes I have already made and will continue to make will probably end of saving my life because if systems were already shutting down, my body was already attacking itself. I know, lot’s of information being thrown at you…just think how I felt. I scrambled to get everything down I could. Mrs. W said I needed to get more protein since my body is going to need to heal. She said to go and buy nutritional yeast at a healthfood store. She said to dig my hand behind what is in the front of the container and get the yeast that hasn’t changed color from being exposed. This yeast is gluten and diary free and can be a yummy topping to air popped popcorn or sprinkled over vegetables. Here is what I found http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutritional_yeast

“ It is a source of protein and vitamins, especially the B-complex vitamins and is a complete protein. It is also naturally low in fat and sodium. Some brands of nutritional yeast, though not all, are fortified with vitamin B12. The vitamin B12 is produced separately from bacteria and then added to the yeast. Nutritional yeast has a strong flavor that is described as nutty, cheesy, or creamy, which makes it popular as an ingredient in cheese substitutes. It is often used by vegans in place of parmesan cheese. Another popular use is as a topping for popcorn. It can also be used in mashed and fried potatoes, as well as putting it into scrambled tofu or eggs. Some movie theaters offer it along with salt or cayenne pepper as a popcorn condiment.” Along with the yeast, I am to take a pro-biotic every day so that I don’t get gassy like I have been as I heal. Probiotic pills can be purchased at any natural grocer, she suggested the ones in the organge box. Next she handed me a bag of the “ultimate raw superfood protein” in the chocolate flavor and told me take one scoop a day (maker is sunwarrior). She also gave me a smaller bag of a superfood powder to put in my juice every morning that was to replace the one I was currently using. We then discussed the importance of flaxseeds, flaxseed oil and olive oil in my diet and I assured her that I was already getting plenty of flaxseed and olive oil and that I would purchase some flaxseed oil…and with that it was time for the cleanse. She took me into another room and handed me a towel, asked me to undress from the waist down and then lay down on my left side facing the doorway. As I got undressed I thought “here it goes, remember this is something you wanted to do” and with that I laid down and waited for Mrs. W to come in. She was great at relaxing me and talking to me before the process started. She explained how we would insert the tube and what would happen during the procedure. It was really important to let go and let things happen. Let me tell you easier said then done. As the water begin to pump into my body, I felt the horrible stomach ache from before rumble back into life. I asked her it that was going to be a problem and she said that this was going to help and to not be worried just not to try and hold back or push (wouldn’t want to remove the tool…no she was right, I didn’t). The water pumped up my colon and almost immediately I felt it coming, it felt like I had to go number two and needed to get to a toilet and fast. At first I froze not knowing what I should do. Do I hold back a little? Do I push? Do I warn her? Is it going to get everywhere? While I was trying to figure my next move in my head, “the problem” went through the tube and into the drain without me even seeing it. That was the weirdest feeling in the world, and it happened over and over again as my colon cleansed itself. After the first “elimination” I was able to relax and we chatted about other patients and things she had seen. She told me that she would be surprised if I didn’t get pregnant really soon. In her experience people who were cleansing for this reason usually got to their goal pretty quickly after their cleanses. This statement alone made me think right then and there that this whole process was worth it. Mrs. W also said that for those who do not “eliminate” 3-4 times a day will be 70,000 bowel movements behind when they die…and people wonder why cancer is on the rise? 70,000 is a lot of pooh and I know that I myself have never gone 3 or 4 times at least that I can remember. She also told me about studies she had participated in on autistic children and white flour which was very interesting and then before I realized it…the procedure was done. A few times during the cleanse the water would hit gassy section of my colon and Mrs. W explained that the gas had been trapped in my colon and that the water was releasing it. Your colon is basically a small tube that helps carry waste and toxin out of the body. My tube was clogged to where only a fraction of the wasted trying to exit was able to get out. The tool was removed and I was told to go to the bathroom and let any remaining water out which I did. It wasn’t bad at all..just took a minute. It wasn’t like I was releasing the floods just about a half a cup of water and then nothing! I walked back into the treatment room and got dressed. Mrs. W reappeared with a gallon of ionized water she wanted me to take home and drink before my next appointment which she explained needed to be within the next couple of days. Before I could say anything she explained that for someone like me, a period of intense cleansing was necessary which usually included three cleanses only a few days apart. I told her I was unable to come back the next week and she said two in a row would be fine. Mrs. W explained how important good clean water was and said my homework for Saturday was to bring a two gallon jug to fill with ionized water and to drink the one gallon she was sending me with my Saturday. I was also told to call her if I started to feel icky because my symptoms would tell her which organ needed the most work. I am happy to report that my stomach discomfort is gone…no gas and no big D. I haven’t had any side effects as of yet which either means the cleanse and ionic foot bath really helped or my whole body needs a lot of work..hope it’s the first one. I noticed this morning that my skin was glowing and that my eyes don’t feel heavy. As a whole, I really believe that working through the uneasiness of having a tube shoved up there was more then worth it. Just the research done alone is enough to prove it was a good thing to do but the way I feel today is a confirmation….I am saving my own life and I will be pregnant soon. I am actually looking forward to my appointment tomorrow. For one, the whole process of “letting go” is very therapeutic for me and two, with every cleanse I am allowing my body to get back to where it needs to be. Please feel free to ask me questions. I have some research I have done on water I will share with you next week.

You're going down FSH!

Kickboxing yesterday was very therapeutic. The instructor had a different method to his madness which allowed me to concentrate on what I was pretending to hit every time I struck the punching bag. Every time I punched the bag, I screamed inside my head one of the following “Heal”, “Ovulate” and “Have a baby”! At the end of the class we had five minutes where we could do anything we wanted. I chose to do a punch-kick combo. During this five minutes I trash talked my high FSH level and told it that it better get down to 10 or below or I will take the fertility drugs to make it go down. “You can either do it yourself or be forced, the choice is yours. If you are still high the next time you are tested, then you will be forced to go down, and I mean it.” I ended our confrontation with a sweet right hook followed by a switch kick. As I walked out of the class I felt incredible, I also exited quickly for fear that the woman who worked out behind me was going to tell the whole class I was farting the whole time. What? Don’t judge me…it is bound to happen when you are full of hot air and bouncing up and down….sorry about it. I felt more comfortable letting her rip in class because the music was really loud….and I am really feeling unattractive after typing that. For you men reading this, sorry to burst your bubble but women fart and go number 2! Today is the day of my cleanse. I am a little anxious because I don’t know what to expect. I mean, I know there is going to be water pumping through my intestines but I have questions about what acupressure points will be administered during the cleanse. Or what in the heck the therapist and I will discuss as she is pumping out the 7 pounds of waste I have stored in my body? Imagine the conversation topics that we could have. I could ask her how she got into removing waste form people’s colons. Or what she does with it after it is removed? I intend to get as much information on the whole process and its benefits so that I can share them but I imagine this experience might be a little awkward. Just like getting your annual check up only you are laying on your stomach instead of your back. I will try to capture as much of the experience as possible without humiliating myself. I am sad to report that the gas is still with me. My mom thinks that my body is trying to cleanse itself but that all of the built up waste is blocking the way. She thinks that after this cleanse today my gas will be gone and all systems will be go for launch. I hope she is right because it is only a matter of time before I accidentally let one go in a meeting or during a phone conversation at work….and I would be mortified. It’s somehow different when you are pregnant. It seems more socially acceptable for a pregnant woman to fart but if you are not pregnant and are under the age of 85, farting in public is against the norm and you will be judged…and I don’t want to be the smelly girl. I talked to my body on the way to work and reminded it of our new June 15th deadline. I told it to take the morning juice (which was yummy) and use it’s nutrients to heal the damage. I know we will make the deadline! After doing some research, I have decided to not drink soy milk. There is a lot of research showing that soy milk can affect hormone levels in women, especially estrogen….as we all know I don’t need anything else messing up my hormone levels. I will be using coconut milk in my breakfast smoothies instead. A friend at work has been vegan for years and he swears by coconut milk. Well I must get to work, wish me luck this afternoon….I wonder if I will look skinnier? After all I am about to get 7 pounds pumped out of me :0)

Gas, Gas...go away!

After speaking with a good friend of mine, I am positive that my digestive issues are a side effect of my diet change. She said that when she first went vegan, all she did was go and that it is just my body eliminating all of the toxins and that if I kept going on like this all week…I might not need to get a cleanse on Thursday. Great, I have 28 years of toxins to get rid of….should I get a padded seat for my toilet? Throughout most of the work day, I had constant air flowing thru me. As soon as I would release it, I could feel myself filling back up. I felt like that one girl on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory….I think her name was Bianca?? Remember how she chews that gum and blows up like a blueberry? I felt like a giant blueberry yesterday. I couldn’t wait until I was in my car safe and sound not having to worry about releasing my air to loudly. Somehow, I managed to not embarrass myself at work. Traffic was horrible on my way home work yesterday so I decided to have a conversation with myself or let’s just call it a pep talk. It went a little something like this. “Sorry for stressing you out this afternoon after we learned the sex of our friend’s baby. I don’t know why I got upset since I know that we will soon be carrying a baby, I just get frustrated sometimes. I wanted to ask you how long it is going to take you to heal? I know that we have more then just unwanted pesticides to flush out but I just don’t know how much longer I can stand not being pregnant. I am so sorry for taking advantage of you and all of the natural processes you go through everyday. I am also sorry for just expecting things to work, putting in crap and expecting you to put out excellence. I promise to never revert back to my evil ways and will continue to take care of us like this for the rest of our lives. In return, I want to ask a favor, could you allow us to get pregnant by June 15, 2010? I know this isn’t much time but ovaries, you have been off birth control for a year now. Now I know I fed you birth control for over 10 years but I was wondering if you could forgive me and start functioning again? Now more then ever, I feel like we are so close to being pregnant and that is why I have come up with this deadline. Please remember that I love each every part of us and am sorry for any hurt I have ever caused you. I beg you, please step it up. We can do this!” I actually spoke out loud to myself for about half the car ride home. I felt a lot better when I was done and then I blasted Dean Martin the rest of the way. When I got home, I started making dinner and felt a ton of moisture “down there”. I ran to the bathroom and was ecstatic to see thin, clear, CM and tons of it. It wasn’t thick and stretchy but clear is good enough for me!!! I looked in the mirror and said “Thank you for listening during our talk today, I love you!” (Yes, I am now one of those crazy people who talk to themselves, got a problem with that?) My friend, Stephanie, who recently conceived a baby after being given a 0% chance of getting pregnant naturally told me to keep my hips elevated for 10 minutes after baby making so…just to be safe, last night I propped my hips up on a pillow and went to sleep. The good old hips were propped for 7 hours. That should increase my chances!!! Swim little swimmer swim! When I got up this morning, I checked for any lingering stomach issues and immediately felt like there was something crawling inside my stomach. I had a pain that was literally moving up and down my intestines. Halfway through juicing the pain went away and I am sitting here pain and air free….at least for the moment. Having been overwhelmed with gas the last couple of days, I thought I would do a little research on the subject and find out where it comes from. According to http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/gas/, “Gas is made primarily of odorless vapors—carbon dioxide, oxygen, nitrogen, hydrogen, and sometimes methane. The unpleasant odor of flatulence, the gas that passes through the rectum, comes from bacteria in the large intestine that release small amounts of gases containing sulfur.” Well that makes sense, the same site also listed foods that are known to cause gas. Fruit is one of them! Am I doomed to a life of intense gas now that I am on this new diet? Will no one want to be around me for fear that I might blast them into the next room? I really hope that once my body is comfortable with our new eating rituals that the “air” will go away! Gas, gas go away please don’t last another day! Tomorrow is the day….the cleanse!

You've got to change your evil ways...baby!

Yo tengo doler de estamago. I think that is how you say “I have a stomach ache” in Spanish…but it’s been awhile. Since around 10:00 AM yesterday I have had a constant stomach ache, been gassy, bloated and had the big D (I know TMI…but haven’t you learned to expect that form me yet?). I felt so bad yesterday after lunch that I considered not eating dinner last night for fear that I would have to spend the night in the bathroom and ended up eating anyway…..and spending the night running to the bathroom. I couldn’t figure out what the heck might have caused me to feel this way. During what felt like my 10th visit to the bathroom last night it hit me…..maybe my clean diet was actually cleansing me?? Counting today, I have been juicing for 9 days and following the nutrition recommendations for almost a month. Could it be that my body is finally starting to rid itself of 25 years worth of toxins? (Either that or I have a virus and I like my first theory much better so that is what I’m going with.) Whatever is going on made me terrified to fall asleep last night for fear that I was going to fart in my sleep. When you are trying to make a baby it is important to seem as attractive as possible to your husband. “Trying” is already taking something fun and turning it into a job so some romance needs to stick around if possible and that is hard to do when I am blasting my hubby away while I sleep. I don’t think it happened in my sleep though. I didn’t wake myself up at any point in the night and he didn’t say anything this morning and I am almost sure he would have made fun of me. It however did happen while I was standing outside with the dogs this morning. I was actually thinking to myself…..I feel a lot better today and then I felt my stomach bloat and then came a visit from the gas fairy again. While making my juice before leaving for work, I noticed that my boobs were throbbing and I had some lower cramping. Again, I wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me or if both of those symptoms were really present. I decided I was probably imaging things and left for work. As I sit here drinking my juice I am praying that my stomach doesn’t start to hurt again or that I don’t bloat again today. Last night while getting ready for bed, I noticed that I was so bloated that I looked like I was 4 months pregnant. Thankfully my stomach had deflated by the time it was time to change out of my sweatpants and into my work pants this morning. I got some time to read the chapter in my Dangerous Grains book last night and was surprised to find that not all rice is gluten free. Here I had been eating rice thinking I was making the healthy choice and I could have still been putting poison in my body. If the rice is labeled as enriched, it has a coating on it and there is a 50% chance the coating has gluten in the ingredients. When buying rice, if the box says enriched on it and doesn’t also say it is gluten free, you might as well be buying a loaf of bread. I was very frustrated after reading this. Just another thing I am going to have to cut out of the old diet when at eating out because I seriously doubt the high school or college student that is working will know what “enriched” rice is and if their employer serves it. The chapter also discussed how harmful gluten is to people with an allergy to it. Not to get dramatic but finally deciding to completely cut gluten out of my diet probably saved my life. I believe everything happens for a reason and I really think that I received my POF diagnosis so that I would change my evil ways (I am singing Santana’s song in my head right now “you’ve got to change your evils ways, baby). I am finally taking care of “me” and it feels really great. I am frightened to think what damage I have done to my body but I know I can heal, just need to watch what I eat, exercise and reduce the stress level. Speaking of which, I need a break!

Things that make you go hmmmm

Took another test on Saturday and it was negative. My husband said he “had a feeling” so I felt extra bad when all I saw was one solid line on the test when I so desperately wanted to see two. I know in my head though that my body isn’t ready. I am just starting to allow it to heal so it is really unfair of me to expect the test to already turn out positive. I re-scheduled my colon hydrotherapy (colonic) for this Thursday. The practitioner or “therapist” also has Celiacs and has an amazing story on how she has healed herself. She spent 30 minutes with me on the phone explaining the cleansing process and the pressure points she does during the cleanse. She also explained the being healthy isn’t a diet you go on and then are off of after a month, it is a lifestyle change. Not that I already knew that but as soon as she said this, I kind of did a hard gulp. This is a sacrifice and one that not many people in today’s society are willing to make but as the therapist said we are constantly surrounded by poison and it is important to try and keep as much out of our system as possible (I sound crazy don’t I?). I am very excited and nervous to go on Thursday but if I can do this, I figure child birth will be a snap. I know I am not pushing a child out but it is pretty humiliating to electively do this…at least for me. I found this therapist off a website recommended in “Crazy Sexy Cancer.” The website has a lot of helpful and interesting information on the colon and how it affects our overall health. The statement I liked most on the website was “your body has within itself, the power of self-healing.” There is also a paragraph explaining what causes yeast infections “Due to various factors, including antibiotic over-use, lack of dietary fiber and a compromised digestive/elimination system... An overgrowth of yeast and fungus can occur. Left untreated, this condition can worsen and cause a myriad of difficult health problems and disease symptoms.” Hmmm…and this is a common condition for women. Perhaps we should start paying more attention to the signals our bodies are giving us and not just run to the drug store for the quick fix in a box. I am guilty of it too. Whenever I have had a yeast infection I head straight to the nearest drug store and purchase the kit in a box or go to emergency care and get an antibiotic. Never in a million years did I consider the fact that the infection was my body telling me something else was wrong. The website also discusses the need for liver cleanses. “Have you been feeling tired, listless and constantly run-down? Noticed unexplained weight-gains or bloating — even though you haven't really changed your eating habits? Maybe it's time to cleanse your liver! The liver is a crucial organ to purify your blood and for the distribution of vital nutrients. It works to purge toxins from our bodies, but sometimes it may need help regenerating cells and tissues.” …and here I thought my food baby was caused by what I was eating to much?? Here is the website http://www.colonhealth.net/. I was cleaning this weekend and came across a book my mom had given me right around the time of my diagnosis “Dangerous Grains.” I haven’t had a chance to ready much but I am dying to dive into one of the chapters I read just a little on. I just happened to flip through it as I was organizing my books and read that “68% of Celiacs patients have tested positive for antibodies that attack their organs and tissues.” Intrigued, I read on….”most of the patients are able to stop the production of more antibodies by taking Gluten out of their diets and their bodies are actually able to heal.” This caused me to take one of my recipe cards and mark the page so that I could return to it when I had some time. I have been thinking about that page ever since and have a date with it this evening as soon as the hubby goes to bed. After reading this page I started thinking…and you know that is dangerous. What if all my fertility problems and others' fertility problems are being caused by eating harmful things? And what if I am going to be able to heal my body and get all systems back up and running? This thought helped me sleep easy last night. After all the colon website said “... You can become well again!But first you must identify the root-cause of your ill-health...”

Getting a life...and becoming a better wife

My husband and I went to dinner with his boss last night at a really good sushi place. This is the first sushi restaurant I have been to that will make the rolls with brown rice if it is requested. I was able to eat most of the rolls without breaking my diet and must have a had a little to much to eat because I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. On our way home from the restaurant, we had a conversation that we seem to be having a lot lately. It seems that I have changed both in my personality and in the way I act around/treat my husband. I guess I have been so preoccupied with what is going on with my body that I haven’t even noticed the changes taking place. Before my diagnosis last year, I wasn’t serious about anything (accept my husband, my family and my bargain shopping), I was light hearted,shared just about everything with my husband and was pretty much a push over. I guess as I have gone through this experience, I have learned to take things more seriously (like my health), to stand up for myself , let my opinions be heard and have become much more independent. I have also stopped sharing everything with my husband. There are just things that I don’t think he needs to know. For example, how my CM changes through out the day or how many times I have gone number two in a day. Besides, He tends to get upset when I bring up my fertility or he just doesn’t respond. So basically I have not been able to discuss the main focus of my life with him….and that is bound to change our marriage and myself a bit. I thought by writing about it, I would be able to get everything out without this communication issue causing problems in our marriage and I thought it was a great plan…but I guess I was wrong. My husband told me that I have my head so deep into getting pregnant that I don’t even realize how much I have changed. I’m not saying he doesn’t want me to stand up for myself, he just wants the same light hearted, fun person he married. I don’t know if I can be that person right now…I mean I feel light hearted and am not very often in a bad mood it’s just that life experiences change people and I don’t think I have changed for the worse. I have also become more responsible and more appreciative which are good qualities right? I do feel awful that I have been putting every last drop of energy and focus into healing my body and trying to have a baby. It isn’t right for me to do that and I didn’t mean to do it….it’s just that as my research continued, more and more of my friends/family members became pregnant and the blood test results kept rolling in, I got more and more addicted to finding an answer and the one doctor who believed I could have a baby on my own. Now that I have both of those things, it still isn’t enough. I am now obsessed with my new diet “lifestyle” determined to erase all damage to both my reproductive system and the rest of my body. I consider Mr. Juicer my new friend, who I am starting to rely on to help make the concoctions that will heal all my internal wounds….and my husband sees him as a torture device that sounds more like a wood chipper grinding the kitchen cabinets in the morning then a juicer. After my husband made his point, it was a long car ride home. I sat there and wondered if I could even re-direct some of my focus to something else….and I really don’t know if I can. For once I feel like I am making a difference, that what I am doing might actually help someone else. Having said that, I love my husband and don’t want to loose him because I can’t budget my time and focus and it would be pretty selfish of me to not even try. He told me he is not going to leave my side but that it is my choice on how we live the rest of our lives. We can spend our lives being miserable, waiting for the positive test result that may never show up or happy, appreciating what we have and enjoying each other. I, of course, like option two but I am telling you what, I can’t stop what I am doing. I feel like I am closer to restoring regular ovarian function to my ovaries then I have ever been….and I am not letting anyone get in my way. I would always have the question “what if” if I stopped trying and trust me, blaming my husband for me stopping my crusade would not be good for our marriage at all! I will just have to try and not put all of my focus on my cause and try and enjoy my husband a little bit more. I know I wrote that I was going to do that….and I thought I had been doing it the last few days but maybe not?? I think this whole process is so rough on relationships not only between husbands and wives but between family members and friends. There is the awkwardness of a friend never truly knowing what to say to the person they know is suffering. The feeling a hopeful grandmother gets as she watches all of her friends become grandmothers wondering if she will ever hold her own grandchild and the moments were husband and wife are laying in bed trying to find the right words to say after she has just hung up the phone with another friend sharing her pregnancy news. It’s tough, going through any medical issue is and my advice to anyone going through a medical fight right now is to…get a hobby. Find a new focus and believe me I am taking my own advice, especially after last night. From personal experience though, don’t make your new focus shopping that can turn ugly (as I have experienced). You end up with no money and a bunch of things you don’t need…and a frustrated hubby. Find something you like to do that takes your mind off your diagnosis maybe even something that can help you heal. Yoga is very good for you and painting changes focus and is used as a healing technique and you don’t have to be Picasso. You can create a lovely stick figure piece that is sure to make you feel better. I have read about a bunch of Eastern Medicine clinics that hold healing painting seminars. One thing that I believe has really made a difference in my case is writing. Even if you are not going to publish your thoughts and feelings online for all to read, writing is a great way to release your feelings without overloading any of your loved ones. You can’t (or at least shouldn’t) wake your best friend up at night or interrupt your husband at work but your journal (or in my case my blog) is there for you whenever you need to talk. Along with writing my hobbies now include focusing on creating a list of yummy fertility juices to share with others, re-decorating my house and after yesterday improving my marriage. Hear me now, I can be a better wife, decorate the house and heal my body…after all I am a woman and we are best at multi-tasking. Notice I put be a better wife first so that I can remind myself that is the most important of the items on my list…hope it works :0)

The Climb..and a new Organically Economic Section to the Blog..You're Welcome!

After work yesterday, I dropped by to see my tax lady so that I could pay her for her services and get the paperwork my husband needed to fill out. While we were talking about how much this year’s damage was, I told her we were working on the “no baby” thing but wasn’t sure how long it was going to take. I was surprised that as I made the statement, I didn’t feel any doubt inside as I said it. When my husband and I had been sitting at the same desk only two months before, I had been devastated when the fact that we didn’t have a child was brought up. As I left with the addressed envelope to the IRS in my hand, my tax lady said “Thank you and I hope to see your baby next year.” I laughed (and not a fake laugh like it has previously been) and said “you never know.” As I got into my car, I thought “that’s right, you never know” and I told myself how proud I was of us. We were letting the situation go and letting nature take control. As I drove home, Miley Cyrus’s song “The Climb” came on and I found myself almost crying as I sang along. That song describes exactly how I feel right now and it’s true that it isn’t about how fast I get to my goal, it’s about how I get there. Sorry for getting cheesy on you but if you haven’t heard this song look at the lyrics, (http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-climb-lyrics-miley-cyrus.html) it is a very inspiring song. I am sad to report that I am going to cancel my colon cleanse and reschedule at a later date. I decided this after my husband made a good point. He told me that I needed to be careful (since I tend to rush into things) and make sure I am going to someone with a good track record because if someone doesn’t know that they are doing, they could quote “mess you up for life.” I decided that he is right especially when it comes to such an invasive thing like cleaning out my colon. I have left messages for a few of my doctors to try and get a referral and then I will re-schedule. Speaking of my colon and digestion….I am now going not only once but twice a day! I know this subject is so lady like to discuss and that you were dying to know how frequent my trips to the restroom to visit Mr. Hanky are but that is yet another positive side effect from my diet change! I have gone from sometime not even going once day to going twice a day! I have also had cramps the last few mornings and am wondering what the heck that is about? I was thinking this morning though that maybe they are different cramps and not what I am thinking they are. Is it possible that it have been so long since I had a period that I have forgotten what menstrual cramps feel like? I personally don’t think it is possible to forget what these types of cramps feel like but it is something to think about. At least now I know that whatever the cramps are, they are a result of something my body is doing naturally and not the progesterone supplements which I have officially been off of for one month today. As discussed in the Economically Correct section of my blog, I found some classes that I am going to take in order to try and relieve stress and learn how to meditate effectively. My first class is this Saturday, April 17th and is about Finding Freedom with Sedona Method Releasing. According to the add, it will teach me to let go of feelings and beliefs that are causing me to suffer. It sounds interesting and is only $15.00. There are two others next week I am also interested in one is called “Co-Creating Friednships:Removing Geopathic Stress from your Environment” ($10) and the other “Spirituality, Meditation and Self-hypnosis” (free). I believe attending these classes will teach me how to let daily stressors go and also introduce me to people who are also trying to heal their bodies. This will allow me to continue to grow my already amazing support group. Don’t worry, I am not going to stop shaving my under arms or wearing shoes. I just think I need to learn to be more laid back. I tend to be very high strung and come from a long line of people in the same boat. My grandfather, I’m told, was a very high strung individual as are my mother and most of her four brothers. I am sure it is part of causes me to be such a drama queen. Part of healing is taking “quiet” time for your body to just focus on healing and I need to learn how to do that effectively without one of my Chihuahuas biting me on the nose in the middle of my yoga breathing.

An apology to Mr. Pituitary...and becomig economically organic

I was faced with my first diet challenge yesterday. My work group surprised me with a gluten free, Godiva chocolate cheesecake for my birthday. This is my favorite dessert and I was so tempted to have a piece. I even cut a piece and was about to jump in when I an image of a baby popped into my mind. I then decided to set the piece of cake down. I felt like eating it was going to be taking a step back from what I was trying to accomplish. I sat and watched everyone else eat my birthday cake. To make myself feel better, I reminded myself how many much time I would have to spend on the treadmill to burn just one piece off...it made me feel better. After a long day at work my kickboxing class was just what the doctor ordered! Literally, the more you exercise, the more quickly the body can heal. When you exercise, you are pumping more oxygen through your body which speeds up the healing process. As I punched the bag, I talked to trash to infertility and told it to kindly get the F away from me. I was thinking in my head “you think you can bully me? Huh, well how do you like this?” and then I would do my punch combination right in infertility’s face. I kicked his butt and mine at the same time. By the time class was over, I couldn’t feel my arms. As I walked around the grocery store after class, I had to lift each selection with both hands because my arms were shaking so bad. People probably thought I had some sort of muscle condition the way my arms were shaking as I picked up each item. While sitting in a long meeting yesterday, I decided that I need to apologize to my pituitary gland. You see, I have been blaming Mr. Pituitary for our high FSH when it is really Mr. & Mrs. Ovary causing the high reading. Mr. Pituitary has been sending out the FSH and the Ovary’s are not responding to the signals. After not hearing back from the Ovary’s, Mr. Pituitary sends more FSH and so on and so on…and that is what causes an FSH reading of 89. So I am very sorry Mr. Puitary, keep up the good work. Mr. & Mrs. Ovary, time to pick up the slack. You have had quite a nice and lengthy rest and we have all been pretty understanding but enough is enough. We are all a team and you are causing our team to not even be able to contend with all of the other local teams. Not to be competitive but I am a winner not a loser, I want to contend! Besides, Mr. & Mrs. Ovary, it is rude to keep ignoring the gifts Mr. Pituitary has been sending you and not respond to him and say thank you. I command you to start responding in a more timely manner and get with the program. I will continue to support you and give you everything you need to be successful but you have to give a little to. Capish?


Yesterday was day 6 of having a large amount of CM. Although it is still not the consistency needed to make a bambino, this is a good sign of better things to come. I am inspired by my friend’s story and at the wonderful benefits from my new diet. I know that just have to be patient and things will continue to improve after all “good things happen to those who wait.” I have never had patience and I think this is one of the many things I have learned on my fertility journey. Lately whenever I get upset after hearing that yet another one of my friends is expecting, I just say to myself “patience, my friend, patience.” My juice this morning was a bit tart. My advice to any of you who have decided to start juicing…match every fruit you put into the juicer with a vegetable. I put to much fruit in mine this morning and it was too citrusy (if that is a word). I was able to drink it but a little bit at a time. It tasted like I was swimming in the middle of a ripe pink grapefruit. It has been an hour since I downed the last drop and my mouth is still sour. Something else to remember, when you are juicing oranges or grapefruits, leave the peels on. The peels are packed with all kinds of nutrients that you wouldn’t usually get by eating the fruits whole. Think of it as more bang for your buck which when you are eating organic foods you are already spending more of your bucks then you would like on your food so leave the peels on! My mother and I were discussing our strategy on purchasing foods for our new diets. We have decided to check the adds for all three of the local natural grocers and buy only what is on special at each place. This will allow us to not spend $60 on two small bags of groceries and cause my husbands stress level to remain at a manageable level. I am going to buy large amounts of the fruits and veggies that are on sale each week. What I don’t use of the fruit each week, can be sliced and frozen (most of it anyway) to be used at a different time. I have a large freezer in my garage that is just waiting to be filled with yummy organic fruits. This freezer is the only area that I haven’t filled with my crap (says my husband) but that is about to change. My Mom and I are going to be economically organic (that sounds like the name of a magazine), so coupon book get the dust out of your pockets and get ready for some action! This coupon, sale following idea was created in order to keep my hubby happy. He has nicely asked me to stop spending all our money on the latest treatments and supplements and start focusing on something else… like him. I told him my new plan on being economically organic and promised to stop ignoring him…after all, I can’t make a baby by myself :0)

Osyters, Yams and Honey...Oh My!

Well it happened….I turned 29. Turns out, it wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. In fact, it wasn’t horrible at all. Yesterday, my birthday, was such a great day and I felt better then I have in a long time. If this is what getting older feels like, bring it on. Not to get all “spiritual” on you but my husband and I went to church yesterday and during the mass, Father Tim went around and sprinkled holy water on everyone. As a drop hit my forehead, I immediately felt like I had been “cleansed” of everything in my past. This was a new beginning and I was going to take it. With that, today was the first day of the rest of my life. I am no longer going to live my life wishing for something that may or may not be. I was born on April 11, 1981 with all systems “a go”. The doctor gave me a clean bill of health and I had nothing standing in my way of having a normal healthy life. What has happened in between then and now can be fixed and I am working on fixing it. A baby would be the cherry on my dairy, hormone free, soy sundae but from this day forward, I will be enjoying the things I do have instead of pining for the things I don’t have. Yesterday made me realize how truly lucky I am to have a great man who loves me, great family, great friends, two adorable Chihuahuas who make me laugh and how many other blessings I have in my life. I feel guilty for not appreciating it all in the past. Until recently, I don’t think I ever really fully appreciated anything, especially my body. I took everything my body does for me for granted just taking and never giving back. I was feeding it the items that were easiest to get my hands on never really looking at the nutritional value or hormone levels. Back in 1981, my body and I started a relationship and until recently it has only been one sided. My body is tired of giving all the time and me only taking. Since changing my diet, the difference in the way I feel is amazing. My energy levels have doubled, I have no problem sleeping, and I feel more positive like I can do anything. Something kind of strange, I have been told by a bunch of people that my eyes look lighter?? Also, I have been really cold even when standing outside in 70 degree weather. My mother has recently decided to change her eating habits and is currently reading a book “21 pounds in 21 days”. This book is about going on a cleansing diet and juicing, eating fruits and veggies for breakfast and lunch (raw) and then eating hormone free meat with cooked veggies for dinner. This is along the same lines as the diet suggestions in “Crazy Sexy Cancer”. “21 pounds in 21 days” explains some of the side effects you will have when you first change your eating habits. To my surprise, when I told my mom some of the side effects I was experiencing she said that her book mentions that both the eyes changing and being cold. The book states that as you rid your body of all the harmful products, your eyes will clear up and you will experience brief periods of time (like hot flashes) where you are extremely cold. Along with the change in my eyes and getting cold, I have noticed that I have no problem sleeping and don’t even wake up in the middle of the night unless I have to use the rest room, even then I can easily go back to sleep. This is a huge relief. Since going off the pill, I have experience many nights laying awake or waking up at 2:00 AM with hot flashes which cause my mind to start racing and me to think “Oh no, a hot flash! I must be going through menopause.” The new diet has put my inner drama queen to rest for at least 8 hours a night. I also have a large amount of CM every day and have noticed that my skin is glowing. I have a spot on my face where there are some tiny broken blood vessels which I have been meaning to get lasered. I noticed the last few days that I have been twitching on my face in the exact spot where the broken blood vessels are! All of these side effects and the information my mom gave to me tells me that I must never revert back to my old evil eating ways again. I feel to good to do that. For my birthday, my family gave me some great gifts some of them were…a gift card to a local natural grocery store and a beautiful Coach bag. A girl can never have too many Coach bags and the gift card will be used as soon as I am excused from kickboxing tonight. My family on my husband’s side gave me some cute clothes, a few items for my garden and….a juicer! I think I found out what the Zoltar fortune meant when it said I was going to have a new love in my life….Mr.Juicer. Even though we started our relationship this morning at 5:30 when I made my first glass of juice, I feel that we will be friends forever. As I pushed through broccoli, sprouts, spinach, carrots and some fruit, I cringed as I imagined what the juice was going to taste like. I pictured it tasting like grass mixed with black liquorice. As the juicer’s blade came to a halt, I picked up the glass and gave it a little sniff. To my surprise it smelled fruity and delicious so I decided to test the waters and sip it and….it was good! There was a faint taste of wheatgrass in it but other then that it was a sweet delicious blend of things green, leefy and fruity… basically good health in a glass. I felt empowered as I pushed all of the produce and fruit into the juicer and felt even better after I finished the glass of juice. For the first time in a long time…or even in my whole life, I am giving back to my body and it feels amazing. That is the word of the day “amazing”. I am going to use it again because I have a truly inspiring story from an amazing woman. A very good friend of mine Stephanie, (who I have mentioned before) went off birth control about a year ago. After a few months of not getting a period, her husband and her went to see a fertility specialist who diagnosed her with PCOS and her husband with sperm problems. The specialist gave them a 0% chance of conceiving on their own and told them IUI was their only option. Around August 2009, Stephanie emailed me having heard from a mutual friend that I was having fertility issues. I immediately called her and after speaking to her for over an hour, told her I was going to send her two books that I had read after my acupuncturist recommended them, “Inconceivable” and “The Infertility Cure”. I also told her to read “Making Babies” and for both her and her husband to start following the diet recommendations immediately and for her to start getting acupuncture treatments. That was in October 2009. Since October 2009, Stephanie has seen some improvements. She had two periods and some of her symptoms such as skin issues and hot flashes have gone away. Last Saturday, April 10, 2010, Stephanie called to thank me for everything and tell me that she is 11 weeks pregnant. They had given themselves three months to get pregnant and after that, they had decided that they were going to try IUI. The day before Stephanie was to start the fertility drugs, she took a home pregnancy test to be sure she wasn’t pregnant since the drugs are not good to take when pregnant. Stephanie said she took the test fully expecting it to be negative (she hadn’t had a period for two months). To her surprise it was positive. She took three more tests just to be sure and they were all positive. Not bad for a couple who were given a 0% chance huh? As I hung up the phone with Stephanie, I felt motivated and a voice inside me asked “when are we going to beat our statistic?” I wish I knew the answer but I will continue to work on my health and hope for the cherry to put on top of my sundae. I almost forgot…..I decided to schedule a colonic. Yes, it’s true this Friday, I am going to be paying someone to clean out my colon. Most of the fertility books recommend it and I have two other reasons for getting it done. One, my grandfather passed away at the age of 52 from colon cancer and two, I ate gluten/flour for over 20 years not knowing I was allergic to it. That means there could be 20 years of pasta and bread my body was unable to properly process that stuck in my colon. I am both excited and horrified at the thought of having this done but let’s face it, giving birth can also be pretty horrifying (from what I have heard) so I will ready for that when it happens. This could be the one thing keeping my body from functioning properly so I have to do this even though the thought of having it done makes me want to wear a mask into the office when I go to my appointment. Celebrities actually get colonics done when they have special events and want to shed some weight…sick right? Why don’t they just stop eating food that is bad for them? While doing some juicing research, I stumbled upon some new fertility super foods I didn’t know about and wanted to share them. Oysters are not only aphrodisiacs they are also a fertility super food. They are shown to help regulate a woman’s monthly cycle but please be careful about where you get your raw oysters from. One bad oyster can cause you to get violently ill. Keep it fresh people! Yams are also a fertility super food. According to everydayhealth.com, populations shown to eat a lot of yams have a higher rate of twins. This makes me want to eat yams out the “yin yam”..get it.. instead of yin yang?? Well, I think I’m funny! Honey has also been used throughout history to enhance fertility and is a key ingredient in the fertility supplement Royal Jelly which is suggested by Randine Lewis in “The Infertility Cure.” So get out to the natural grocery store and by them up! I think I will have a yam for breakfast (in liquid form), a yam for lunch and yams and oysters for dinner! Just kidding….or am I?

Your Going Down FSH!

This morning didn’t go as badly as I had thought it would. After getting home around 11:30 PM last night, I figured I would be exhausted when I got up at 4:45 AM but to my surprise I am extremely energetic and feel great! I think it is because of my fruit/veggie smoothie I drank on my way to work mixed in with a great session of car karaoke. The people who drive next to me must get a good laugh off of me. They would get an even bigger laugh if they saw me rocking out on my American Idol Wii game…I love that thing! After over a week off strange cramping, I decided to take a HPT this morning. I didn’t get the result I was hoping for but that isn’t a bad thing. The cramping means there is activity, and that, for now, is good enough for me. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that I already had a wet sensation down in my lower female parts which was weird because usually no CM shows up until I have been up for at least 4 hours. It was thick and cloudy just like two days before. I just don’t know what to think because yesterday, I hardly had any CM after having tons the day before and now this morning I have the thick cloudy stuff again! What the F is going on? I feel that a letter to my body is needed….

Dear body, I know that I have been feeding “us” unhealthy versions of foods that I considered to be relatively good for me for years and that we were eating gluten for over 20 years when we shouldn’t have been. I am also aware that I took BC for over 10 years and pumped those “fake” hormones into us. I take full responsibility for my actions and am working to correct them as I write this letter. We are now on a complete organic diet! I am going to give you all the enzymes and oxygen we need to build up our immune system and get all our processes back up and rolling. I promise you that I will never revert back to my old eating habits as long as you promise to work with me in repairing the damages. I have felt you working & improving in the past month and am excited to see what the next month will bring. I wish I had an ultrasound machine at home so I could check in on the Mr. and Mrs. Ovary once in awhile or check on the status of Suzie Cervix and see if she has gotten any thicker. I know that all of you are working hard to mend things but just wish I could watch the improvements day by day. Hey, Pituitary Gland……it’s go time! Let’s stimulate some follicles! Hey follicles, you are already starting to work (which I appreciate) but let’s pick up the pace a bit, let’s respond a bit faster to the FSH Mr. Pituitary is feeding you. Hey Suzie Cervix, let’s respond to the maturing follicles and get a thicker lining so an embryo can successfully implant. And last but not least….FSH I am not afraid of you anymore! You are beatable so the intimidation stops here. I will work my butt off until I have successfully pounded you down to level that you belong. The sooner you get with the program, the sooner we can all get along! Let’s all focus so we can bring back out long missed monthly friend. Remember there is no “I” in Team! Talk to you soon, Love, Me.

I purchased the “Crazy Sexy Cancer” book and read over half of it yesterday. It confirmed that I need to do a cleanse to clean out my colon. In the book, the author states that the “average American is walking around with 7 pounds of waste in their colon” and that everyone should be going number “2 at least three times a day and if you aren’t then your colon is backed up”. Not that you want to know this but even with my recent diet change, I only go once a day. The book explains that as we eat processed foods that our bodies have a hard time digesting, the food gets hung up in our colons. This information along with the fact that my grandfather passed away from colon cancer is exactly what I needed to confirm that a cleanse needs to be done. I will be going to Vitamin Cottage this weekend to purchase whatever the concoction is I will have to swallow in order to clean Mr. Colon out. I am choosing not to take it on Sunday, because it is my birthday and I choose not to spend the day on the toilet. I will instead come home early from work one day next week and do “the cleanse” then. It takes about 4 hours for everything to come out…oh boy something to look forward to! It’s sick, but I am looking forward to it. If I am carrying that much extra weight around in my colon, no wonder why my body isn’t functioning correctly! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

Dairy and hormone free! Whipee!

I woke up this morning in a panic after sleeping through my alarm for the second day in a row! I don’t know what my problem is this week but I can’t seem to get my butt out of bed on time. I woke up two times in the middle of the night with a strange cramping in my lower abdominal area and I noticed that I was really hot when I woke up. My body temperature has been doing strange things lately. I wonder if this has anything to do with my new diet change? I decided not to go to the gym last night (for the 6th day in a row) and instead went to the local natural grocery store. While I was there, I picked up some packets of Superfood to mix in with my fruit smoothies so that I don’t have to take wheatgrass shots in the morning, I will just drink the powder. I also looked through a few books on healing foods and how you are supposed to eat your vegetables. I had previously read that it was best to eat them cooked, so that they were warm and your body didn’t have to use up as much energy to digest them warm as it does when you eat cold food. One of the books in the store stated that some vegetables are most nutritious when eaten in their fresh “cold” state and others when they are cooked. Now I am all sorts of confused and am really going to have to work on eating raw veggies. I have never been a raw vegetable person unless the one veggie is dipped and covered in ranch or some other yummy, dairy infested dip. Don’t’ act like you don’t all do it! We feel good and tell ourselves we are eating “healthy” by eating vegetables but we are actually wiping out all the nutritional content of the vegetables by disguising the greens in ranch or some other equally yummy cheese dip. The books also discussed all of the horrible hormones that are now present in most of the foods consumed by Americans each day and stated that everyone needs to eat at least 2-3 servings of fruit/vegetables a day. I definitely wasn’t doing that before I changed my diet. It was coffee or a Diet Dr. Pepper (or “DDP” as we call it in the office), whatever I had time to grab on the go for lunch (with another DDP) and for dinner it was whatever could be made in the shortest amount of time. I took care of myself on the outside by working out and having good hygiene but never really considered my diet as part of taking care of myself until my diagnosis. After changing my diet, I now have a fruit & veggie smoothie in the morning (fertility diets state that it is best to only eat fruit/veggies before noon….and it doesn’t taste as bad as you would think…suck it up), a healthy salad for lunch with a caffeine free green tea and fish & vegetables for dinner. I am amazed at how much more energized I am during the day and how light on my feet I feel. My walk feels more “lively” and I find it easier to be in a good mood. I feel great! I am happy to see these results since the new grocery store is causing my wallet to be much lighter then it was before, but I am happy to make the change if it will help me heal the damage to my body. I figure that if I am not able to get pregnant on my own, I will be in the best shape I have ever been in (inside and out) for IVF treatments which will give us a much higher chance of success. On the subject of eating healthier, check out this article entitled “Benefits of Soy for Children.” It compares nutritional content for regular milk with soy milk and lists the reasons why soy milk is much better for us, for example soy milk is much lower in fat and is hormone free. I found it very interesting http://www.justmommies.com/toddlers/feeding-issues/benefits-soy-for-children. You think you are doing a great thing by drinking milk but you might want to see what you are putting in your body. For an update, I had cramping similar to what I woke up with last night, through most of the day yesterday which was also another reason I decided not to work out. When I got home from the store I used the restroom and noticed I had a large amount of white and some clear thick CM. It seemed much clearer and thicker then it had been the day before. Not really sure what this means though because I also read in one of the books at the grocery store that taking vitamins can make tracking changes in CM difficult?? It is still a change from previous months….so I will take it. I also have a bad headache today and noticed that my boobs are really sensitive….do I sense ovulation coming? ..maybe?

Don't Stop Believing! Hold on to Your Dreams..Yeah!

I have been having dreams about trying to get pregnant or being pregnant all of a sudden. I honestly cant remember dreaming about anything up until mid March and I am wondering if this has anything to do with my finally deciding to relax and let “it” go. Perhaps my yoga, femoral massages and visualization exercises are part of the change as well. Before, when I would try to visualize a pregnant belly on myself, I wasn’t able to see it. Now when I do that exercise, I get through it with no problem. All day yesterday my boobs were hurting and I had a little bit of cramping. My CM was thin and clear in the morning and yesterday evening was very thick and white and I noticed that my boobs hurt again this morning. Only time will tell if I am ovulating but waiting is killing me! Zoltar said to just believe and live a fancy and free life so I am letting nature run its course and enjoying the new purse my husband gave me (that’s the fancy part of Zoltar’s advice) & the other blessings in my life. I am going to call today and cancel the appointment with the fertility specialist on May 7th. I know I wrote that yesterday but I am flip flopping back and forth on whether I should go or not. I really want to try my new fertility diet mixed in with my yoga, visualization, vitamins and boxing (to get out the stress) until August to see if I can get my FSH down to at least 20. 20 and under is what fertility specialists require before they will work with you for egg extraction or IVF. I would like to at least lower my FSH naturally instead of using fertility drugs to do it. I really think that if I am having second thoughts about this appointment, I am not ready to throw in the towel on my body just yet. I mean…this time last year I was told my ovaries were collapsed with no follicles/eggs and less then two weeks ago my ovaries were round with follicles. When I first started all of my eastern medicine treatments, I was expecting an immediate response from my body. That is kind of how our society is these days always wanting and needing instant gratification. For example, people don’t want to loose the weight so they get liposuction & people don’t want to wait until they have the money to buy something so they take out a line of credit. It turns out my body just needed some time to heal from me eating gluten for 22 years of my life when I was allergic to it and from taking birth control for 10 years. I have learned so much since starting this journey but here are some of the most important lessons I have learned….yes I am going to enlighten you. One, patience is a virtue that I have never experienced before. I am slowly but surely learning that you must wait for good things to happen and that I can’t just expect things to happen, I have to earn it. Two, the human body is truly amazing and if you take of your body, your body will take care of you. Three, there is no such thing as a healthy quick fix. For example, you may loose weight taking water pills for that spring break trip but if you don’t give yourself a heart attack from lack of nutrition…you are going to gain the weight back plus some. The way society runs today, we are not taught to take care of ourselves. Instead, the focus is on how good you can get yourself to look, in the shortest amount of time. These days our bodies are being filled with heart stimulating supplements, soft drinks, fast food, coffee, meat with hormones and the list goes on and on…and I haven’t even mentioned the things we do to our bodies from the outside such as tanning beds. It seems that back in the good old days, you didn’t hear much about women who had fertility problems. Maybe this is because back then, people only ate what they needed to eat in order to keep their bodies going and didn’t see eating food as a luxury or an activity. Portion size has more then doubled in the past twenty years and most entrees in restaurants are filled with white flour (which is really bad for fertility) and all kinds of harmful hormones. If you think about it, why have portions changed so much? We are all the same sized people why do we require more food? Food has gone from being essential to being a luxury. We not only eat what we need to survive, we eat what tastes good and eat a lot of it. With the bigger portions of today, cleaning your plate before getting up has a whole new meaning. I just think diet is playing a key part in the rise of fertility problems and many other health problems in the last decade. A good friend of mine wrote me this morning and asked if I had heard of the movie and book series “Crazy Sexy Cancer”. She told me that the film & books are based on a documentary of a young woman who is diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and works with alternative medicine to shrink her tumors and heal herself. The movie trailer on the website is so inspiring; you really should check it out http://www.crazysexycancer.com/. My friend wrote that if this woman can treat her cancer by taking care of herself, then I can conceive! Thank you Devo for that motivation and it is so true! If I wasn’t truly inspired by the improvements in my last ultrasound or my luck in Vegas, this women’s story has gotten me there. …and although I said in my blog yesterday I was going to get a juicer, I had secretly settled on the idea of just drinking V8 in the morning but after watching the trailer of Crazy Sexy Cancer, I will officially be getting a juicer after pay day this Friday. For those of you who don’t know, it takes more energy for your body to break up solid foods so if you drink your fruits and veggies your body gets to process more of the vitamins and nutrients instead of using them up as energy to digest your food. Yes…..I am full of information….and don’t say I need to get a life…this is my life! In the media reel on the Crazy Sexy Cancer website, the young woman was quoted “life is a terminal condition; we are all going to die. Everyone just kinds of waits for permission to live when we all have it in us to live our lives however we want to.” And I leave you with that …happy weds., everyone!

Mighty Zoltar and my changing luck!

Today is my first day back in reality after my five day vacation. My husband and I had so much fun and were sad to leave but ready to see our fur babies…and I was ready to get back and get my diet back in order. For the most part, I stuck to my fertility diet with the exception of consuming some alcohol but I did make sure to keep out the Gluten and Diary. I felt a bit queasy a few of the days in the morning and a bit in the afternoon but it could have been a nervous tummy. Our trip started out by me jamming to the Charlie Daniels Band with the cabi on our way to hotel/casino. Along with the car karaoke, the driver also provided us with some fun facts on country music (how it originated and has evolved). This was a bit random but why not start out my trip singing the Devil Went Down to George as we pulled up to the casino? On the plane ride to Vegas, I re-read “Inconceivable” so that I could be sure I was doing everything possible to get my body working correctly again. The author of the book was told her FSH was too high and she couldn’t conceive with her own eggs. She explains in the how she works to heal her body & mind and is able to conceive a healthy baby girl. After re-reading this book I feel inspired all over again. Starting today I will be starting an even stricter fertility diet, getting a juicer and juice some fruits and vegetables, continue acupuncture, increase my visualization exercises and the last one is a bit groose but it is mentioned in the book….getting an enema. All of these items are mentioned in the book so I am going for it. I am also going to cancel the appointment in May with the fertility specialist. I don’t feel like I am ready to go back and the book also suggests listening to your body over the doctors because in the end our bodies know what is best for us.. With this new inspiration, I also feel like I have luck on my side for the first time in a long time. A trip to Vegas is expected to bring you back with less money then you left with right? …but my husband and I did very well at the tables this time. We couldn’t loose! We gambled for the first three days and by Saturday afternoon, we were ahead by over $1,500. My husband surprised me with a really nice purse and a designer dress and we went out on the town! That night, I woke up around 3:00 AM just in time to feel a sharp cramp in my lower abdomen. I am hoping that it was either me ovulating (an eggs maturing) or a baby attaching to my uterus we will have to see. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I wondered what had happened the night before when I felt the sharp pain and noticed that I still had some cramping. Wanting some insight, I decided to go and find the Zoltar machine (yes, the one from the big movie….his wish came true didn’t it?) I had seen in one of the shops to make my wish, get my fortune and my lucky numbers. My husband thought it sounded kind of fun, so we got dressed, grabbed breakfast and were at the machine by 10:00 AM. I felt nervous as I inserted my dollar and waited for Zoltar to come alive. Zoltar waived his hand over his crystal ball and told me that whatever it is I am wanting will happen if I just believe and that I need to just live a fancy free life and what will be, will be. Then Zoltar gave me a card with my fortune that stated that “a love with soon enter and add pleasure to my life and that I will find it difficult to know when this love begins. This love will be eternal – the aspect may change but not the essence. There is the same difference in you before and after this love as there is in an unlighted lamp. The lamp was there and was a good lamp but now it is shedding light too and that is its real function. As the greatest pleasure of life is love. Remember when this love comes or if it has already arrived the heart is wiser than the intellect.” I instantly thought of my faith when I read this…and when I read the parts about “the unlighted lamp & if it has already arrived”…I immediately thought about that possibility of me being pregnant. I know that most people believe that the Zoltar & any other fortune telling machine spits out the same five fortunes to customers daily but what happened next confirmed that this fortune was meant for me. On the bottom of the fortune card were six lucky numbers. After feeling like the fortune had hit a little to close to home, my husband and I decided to take the numbers and play them on the roulette table. The odds are not very likely to hit on the exact number you put money on but we figured these were supposed to be my lucky numbers and we seemed to not be able to loose…so what the heck. Well, we beat the odds and hit one of the numbers the very first roll and won $365.00! Zoltar thinks I can beat the odds! With Zoltar behind me there is no stopping me. If I am not already pregnant, I will be doing everything I can to get myself healthy and get things rolling again. It hit me while sitting in the plane on the way to Vegas…maybe I don’t have POF at all. Maybe this is my body’s way of telling me to take better care of myself. To stop eating gluten, drinking soda and to much alcohol and learn to relax and believe in myself more. I am more positive then ever and know that now it isn’t a question of “if I can get pregnant” it is “when will I get pregnant”.