Cruising the Information Highway

My cup runneth over with information. I have a new hobby (shopping step aside, I will need to come back to you once the seasons have officially changed). I have become addicted to reading about nutrition, fertility and celiacs disease. I can’t stop reading books, magazines, blogs and anything else I can get my hands on. Don’t worry, I am recording it all so I can share. I am still feeling frustrated because I have yet to find an article or story regarding someone with diagnosed POF who reversed their symptoms on a gluten free diet. Perhaps, I would be the first?? No there is no way, I just think that the link between the celiac and fertility is not where it should be. If you think about it though….why do so many women with fertility issues conceive after taking wheat/flour out of their diets?? No it’s not a coincidence think about it people!!!! Anyway, I don’t need a stinking article to make me feel better. If I will be the first to turn around my fertility diagnosis then so be it. Damned if I am going to let some diagnosis keep me from being healthy and have a child. I the infertility queen hereby vow that I will no longer think of my diagnosis as a bad thing, it is simply going to make me a much smarter and healthy woman who will prove the doctors all wrong and show them that although it appears my ovaries are working below their potential right now they are merely suffering from lack of nutrition and will be back working in no time. During my last 7 days of nonstop research I found a great blog called Gluten Free Frenzy. This website has all sorts of healthy tips, recipes, books to read and even a column from a licensed herbalist who also lives the gluten free lifestyle. On the blog, there is a list of things you can do in your life to be happy. They are:


1. Love yourself, flaws and all (even the stray gray hairs that seem to have snuck there way in.)

2. Help others

3. Find a creative outlet

4. Keep busy – being busy doesn’t allow time to think about my diagnosis. I’m in, new hobbies here I come.

5. But not too busy – leave time for yourself

6. Appreciate what you have - Focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have.

7. Tickle that funny bone – laugh more

8. Have a support network – love my friends and family they are awesome!

9. Forgive yourself and try again - . Everybody messes up, so dust your shoulders off , take a deep breathe and move on.

10. If all else fails, fake it. You’ll even fool yourself. Studies have shown that smiling for sixteen seconds can boost your mood. After a bad morning today, I turned on my favorite morning radio talk show and laughed my whole way to work.



This morning seemed a bit like a comedy routine. I got up this morning a few minutes late and felt very groggy so naturally I didn’t see that dog toy in the walk way which I tripped over but managed to catch myself on the doorway to the bathroom. While in the shower I must have dropped my razor three times and was surprised I didn’t slip as I got out of the shower. I put my robe on and made my way up the stairs (without tripping or falling) so I figured my clutsy moment had passed….well like usual I thought wrong. Today I started bringing my lunch in order to save money and be sure I wasn’t taking in gluten. I went to the fridge and pulled out the ingredients for both mine and my husbands lunch. I decided to make mine first so that the bread for his sandwich didn’t contaminate the lunch making space. I pulled out the GF tortilla, sprinkled some spinach and sprouts, cut the avocado, sprinkled olive oil on top and as I squeezed the bottle of flaxseed oil to sprinkle on top, about half the bottle sprayed on my lunch and I think the other half went all over the stove. I grumbled under my breath as I immediately cleaned the stove and rolled my lunch up in foil. I managed to make my husbands lunch with no issues and moved on to making my juice. It seemed to go by pretty quickly this morning. I rinsed some lettuce and kale off and shoved it in. Next was the broccoli, half an orange and some carrots. I wasn’t even halfway through with my ingredients and I already needed to empty the glass into the blender. I picked up the newly washed blender and poured my juice in. I was shocked as the juice went directly through the blender onto my robe, the counter and my white Chihuahua. As I looked around at the green, sticky mess I had just made I thought to myself “how the heck did that happen?” I looked back at the blender I was still holding in my hands and saw the problem…..the bottom was not screwed on. How do you not notice something like that is missing? I felt super smart as I got down on my hands and knees to clean the floor, wiped off the counter and rinsed the poor dog off. Frustrated and already running late, I put the blender back together, and re-started the juicing process and was done in 15 minutes. I got dressed and was out the door by 6:30 (the time I need to be at work!). I decided that I was just going to take a deep breathe, turn on my favorite morning talk radio and let my morning roll off my back. It worked, I felt much better as I pulled into the parking garage. As I picked up my computer bag it hit my thermos my juice was in, popped the lid open and spilt half of it in the council of my car. Luckily I keep a roll of paper towels in my car so I walked around to the back to grab the paper towels, cleaned up the mess and walked into work where I then realized that I had my juice all over my clothes. Nothing like a look that says “hi, I am wearing my breakfast.” Needless to say, I had a very trying morning but am amazingly able to sit here and laugh about it. I am anxious to talk to Cheri today. I seem to be gaining weight and don’t understand why (no I’m not preggers, I checked). I feel bloated and hungry all the time. I feel like I am missing something with my nutrition and taking to much of something else. I need to get balanced.

I have a follow up phone convo with Ann, the kinisiologist this Tuesday. When she called to set up the appointment she told me that it might take awhile to get better because I didn’t just wake up sick….it took some time to get this way so it will take some time to undo the damage. I accept that is true and although I am just plain tired of paying doctors to have zero results, I am going to meet with her one last time because I am a believer and believe everything I am currently doing is going to help me get better.



Books of the week for me will be:

Super Immunity Foods

It’s My Ovaries Stupid

Feel the Hormone Revolution!

Over the weekend, I spent the day with my mother who had a brilliant idea! She took me to the library to find books on nutrition and fertility. She too has been doing research on nutrition and celiacs and decided that instead of buying the books it would be better to check them out from a library. The woman is a genius! We spent almost two hours looking through the books and making our selections. The books can be kept for 3 weeks and the DVD’s and magazine 1 week. I walked out of there with over 10 books about nutrition, hormones and auto-immune disease. You would think I might feel overwhelmed knowing I have that much reading to do but I figured with most of the books, I would just be looking in the sections that pertained to me and my issues (health issues all other issues can wait for another time). I checked out books with titles like “It’s my ovaries stupid,” and “Auto-immune Disease & Women.” The book I started with is called “Hormone Revolution.” I started it on Saturday and have decided I will be reading the entire book (so much for just looking in certain sections, blew that out of the water with the first book). It is written by a Dr. who has dedicated her life to researching women and the effects hormones have on their bodies and lifestyles. In her lifetime, her menstrual cycle has stopped twice. Each time this happened she evaluated what her body needed and was able to bring back her monthly menses and is currently still having a regular monthly period in her sixties. I figure if she can do it at 60 then I can bring my cycle back at age 29. Along with the monthly cycle, she doesn’t even look close to be in her sixties and her hair is still naturally the same dark brown she was born with (no grays). She wrote the book to help women restore a healthy hormone balance in their bodies naturally but she has recommendations for hair, nails, skin and diet as well so that women who read her book can feel beautiful inside and out. I am about halfway through and don’t worry I am taking good notes. I will be sure to share my findings as soon as I am done. The only frustrating part of the book is that it asks you to confirm if you are low on estrogen or progesterone. I don’t know which one I am because at the time of my last blood test, I was told I was producing enough of each to not have to go on hormone replacement so I guess I am low on both?? Anyway, I decided to record the recommendations on restoring both hormones and incorporate those mentioned under both categories into my daily routine. I know that a high FSH means that there is not enough estrogen production in the ovaries so I am definitely keeping that in mind.




I went into my typical Monday appointment with Cheri with a whole list of supplements I wanted to pick her brain on. After reading only half of Hormone Revolution I had millions of questions and needed someone else’s opinion. I asked her opinion on all kinds of things I had read about and after talking with her, I have decided to not incorporate anymore supplements into my diet at this time (don’t worry I will still share them with you and keep them in my arsenal for later use just in case). Cheri has seen people try all sorts of things to heal her body and swears that the people who have had the most success, heal by cleansing and eating a healthy diet. She said that if I give it a chance, my body will balance itself and that if I fill myself full of supplements, I would not allow my body the chance to work things out. We discussed what I was currently taking and decided that it all sounded like things I could continue to take as they are supplements that are for overall health. So for now it is my prenatal multi-vitamin, royal jelly, PABA, MACA and my organic pregnancy tea (with nettles). I will also continue to add my liquid probiotics, SunWarrior Super Greens and Protein to my juice each morning. I am going to try and incorporate all other suggestions from “Hormone Revolution” through the foods the author suggests. Superfoods such as MACA, Flaxseeds and Oil oil are just a few. I figure if it’s good for me and it’s food, can’t hurt right?? More natural then taking it in pill form. As I read through my massive stack of books from the library, I will make changes with my diet to be sure my body and my immune system (yes I know they are not separate) can get the top notch treatment. I never thought I would be this excited to read and type up book reports but I find myself anticipating the weekend to get here so that I can continue my research!!!



I received an anonymous comment on this blog yesterday regarding the book “The Gluten Effect.” Thank you for this tip, I plan on reading it and the article attached to the link you sent me. While searching for “The Gluten Effect” from a search engine. I also found a great blog called The Gluten Free Frenzee. I haven’t been able to read much of it but what I read seemed very helpful and had a bunch of tips for restoring your immune system such as taking probiotics every day.



Here is the link to the article linking celiac to fertility issues.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38600414/ns/health-kids_and_parenting?gt1=43001

Since reading this article, I have been doing research all week on celiacs and fertility. It turns out that doctors now believe that celiacs is a leading cause of unexplained infertility. Makes sense, an auto immune disease that turns the body against itself…..um I would think that could cause damage to not only your fertility. It’s just that the reproductive system isn’t a necessary function to survive so it is one of the first to go. During my search, I read all sorts of blogs from women on gluten free diets. Most had fertility restored after an “extended amount of time”. That wasn’t good enough, I had to know how long an “extended amount of time” was. It seems that it takes 9-12 months of a strict gluten free diet for most women. I thought I was gluten free and being pretty smart about the way I ate but I was sadly mistaken. When I was going to eat at Mexican resteraunts, I was ordering shrimp or veggie fajitas thinking that had to be safe and gluten free. It turns out most places use a seasoning while grilling that has gluten in it. I was pretty upset to learn that because we go to eat Mexican at least twice a week! Something else I hadn’t really thought about until recently is the chips at all restaurants. Most of them, even if they are made from corn tortillas, are not gluten free. They are fried in the oil that everything else is fried in which contaminates them. I have started taking my own chips when I know we are going out to dinner. I also realized that I was cross contaminating my own food at home. I make my husband’s lunch everyday before I make my juice. Until recently, I wasn’t wiping off the counter in-between making his sandwiches and slicing my fruit. I now wipe off the counter and wash my hands before even getting my fruit out of the fridge. I have also started making his lunch on a different part of the counter then the part I use to slice and juice.

Wine free...no longer me!

I found a great natural fertility website that I wanted to share with everyone. I found it by doing something that is not for the newly diagnosed….I googled. I typed in fertility superfoods and up came http://natural-fertility-info.com/5-fertility-superfoods-you-should-know-about.html. OMG the information on this website is great. I got so excited when the page came up, I didn’t even know where I wanted to start. Once I got my mind to focus and stopped hyperventilating, I decided to start with what I had search for. Natural Fertility Info lists superfoods: Maca, Royal Jelly, Bee Propolis and Bee Pollen and Spirulina. I know what you are thinking what the heck is Maca? Well according to the site ….


Maca has been traditionally used to help:
Balance hormonal levels in women*
Increase libido in both men and women*
Increase egg health*
Increase seminal volume, sperm count per ejaculation, and sperm motility*
Lower FSH levels
This site had me at “lower FSH levels”

How does Maca work?
“Maca is a nourishing food for the endocrine system, aiding both the pituitary, adrenal, and thyroid glands (all involved in hormonal balance.) Maca has the ability to affect key hormones in both women and men without containing hormones itself. Maca helps to stimulate and nourish the pituitary gland, acting as a tonic for the hormone system. When the pituitary gland functions optimally, the entire endocrine system becomes balanced, because the pituitary gland controls the hormone output of the other three glands. In women Maca works by controlling estrogen in the body. Estrogen levels that are high or low at the wrong time can keep a woman from becoming pregnant or keep her from carrying to term. Excess estrogen levels also cause progesterone levels to become too low. Taking Maca may help to increase the progesterone levels, which are essential to carrying a healthy pregnancy.” This was enough for me to leave work for the sole reason of purchasing a Maca supplement but then I read this.. “Estrogen in men produces erectile dysfunction, low/lack libido, low sperm count, and lowered production of seminal fluid. Men who use Maca have been shown to have an increase in libido and healthy sperm.” That’s it, going to vitamin cottage tomorrow after work to see my new and helpful buddy. Do you think he is going to think I am addicted to taking supplements? The site also lists “Who should use Maca?” Maca would really be good for anyone preparing or trying to become pregnant. It is a food, so it is healthy to take daily. But it can specifically help women who are experiencing:

-Poor egg health
-Endometriosis
-PCOS
-Recurrent miscarriages
-Preparing for IVF
-Infertility due to stress
-In addition, hormonal stability sharpens the mind and generates a sense of well-being.

The next one listed is Royal Jelly which I was taking for a long time and stopped in December. I will consider taking it again “Royal jelly is another fertility specific superfood which may help to increase egg health, quality of egg, and genreal fertility. Royal jelly is the food that is fed to the queen bee which is what makes her the queen bee. She goes on to live 6 years and lays up to 2000 eggs per day. Most bees live less than two months.Royal Jelly is rich in vitamins, A, B, C, D,and E. It is also contains minerals including calcium and iron, all of the essential amino acids plus antibacterial and immune stimulating properties.” I didn’t know that with bees, it can cause the queen bee to way out last all of the other bees. Must be pretty potent stuff, like the fountain of fertility youth. Why can’t this stuff come in juice form? I would chug a gallon of it a day. I also didn’t know that it helps the immune system. Why did I stop taking that again…..

Next was Bee Propolis and Bee Pollen. “Bee propollis and bee pollen are two more fertility super foods from our friends the bee. These foods are rich in nutrients. Bee pollen contains 50% more protein than beef and is rich in every vitamin and mineral. Bee Propolis is a powerful immune system stimulant and inflammation aid. It also helps women who have endometriosis. Bee propolis and Bee Pollen are available in capsules or in a base of honey. They can be taken everyday. I like to take all three together in one product.”

Last listed is Spirulina. “Spirulina is a tiny aquatic plant has been eaten by humans since prehistoric times and is grown worldwide as a healthy food. Imagine a vegetable with more protein than soy, more Vitamin A than carrots, more iron than beef, profound source of protective phytochemicals, naturally low in fat, source of the essential fatty acid GLA and is easy to digest.” This is listed in my superfood powder I put in my juice every morning.

This site also has suggestions for a great fertility diet and discusses a very encouraging statistic from a Harvard study on women and their diets. By following a good fertility diet & making simple lifestyle changes, women had an 80% decrease in infertility. Basically you eat healthy and organic, exercise daily, stay away from dairy and soy, drink plenty of water and make sure you eat one of the superfoods I just listed above each day. You can even join a 21 day fertility diet challenge and there is a link for a fertility smoothie book. If you can’t tell yet….this site is my new favorite thing. There is even a reminder list of the things you need to try and eat everyday! There are a few things mentioned that I am currently not taking/eating that I am considering trying. One is eating sea veggies like kelp and nori. They are said to help lower FSH and can be eaten with sushi or in a salad. I will have to see if I can find them at the store over the weekend.

I picked up Gluten Free Living at vitamin cottage earlier this week. It is a great magazine, I am going to subscribe to it. One of the articles in this last issue lists alcoholic beverages that are gluten free. I was shocked and extactic to read that wine “is recognized as an alcoholic beverage that is safe for those who follow a gluten free diet.” There have been some questions raised about the use of wheat to seal the wooden barrels but there is no evidence of this happening. Oh man, I am definitely going to get a bottle of nice red wine this weekend so I can reward myself a few times a week with a drink. Red wine is good for you and it will help me relax. Don’t worry I wont take in as much wine as I do supplements each day. The article in Gluten Free Living also lists brands of Rum, Tequila, Vodka, Gin, Scotch, Ready to drink cocktails, blender drinks and special liquors that are gluten free. A website is provided in the article www.glutenfreedrinks.com. So now that the weekend is approaching, go print out that list and have a good time. Now that we know we can have fun and stay gluten free.

Proud to Be Gluten Free

Ok, so I am spinning out of control! I can’t stop researching infertility and how it relates to celiacs disease. While doing my research I read a book my nutritionist gave me called “Dangerous Grains.” Here is some information that caught my eye.

List of Gluten Associated Medical Conditions:

• Anemia, folic acid deficiency and iron deficiency (along with elevated liver enzymes) – I have been anemic my whole life, I was just put on iron supplements and just received a blood test with high liver readings.

• Calcium Deficiency – on supplements

• Crohns Disease

• Diabetes

• Folic Acid Deficiency

• Food sensitivities to soy, milk – I have always been sensitive to diary

• Premature graying – not yet thank god

• Infertility in both women and men (50% reversal on gluten free diet) – Yeah! I am going to be part of that 50%. At last a statistic I want to be part of.

• Lactose intolerance (50% of celiac patients)

• Liver disease

• Malabsorption

• Menarche delayed - check

• Menopause (occurs 2-4 years earlier)

• Miscarriages

• Infertility & reduced time span of fertility - check

• Reduced pregnancy rate

• Rheumatoid arthritis – my grandmother has this

• Vitamin deficiencies



Here are a few acronyms to look for when looking at good labels.

Acronyms that might spell “hidden” gluten

Fu – dried wheat gluten

HPP – hydrolyzed plan protein

HVP – hydrolyzed vegetable protein

MSG- monosodium glutamate

TPP – textured plant protein

TVP – textured vegetable protein



Here are a few items that may contain gluten that surprised me.

Baking powder

Blue cheese

Mustard powder

Oats

Soy sauce

Wheat grass





For those of you out there who are experiencing fertility issues and/or have been diagnosed with POF, try taking gluten out of you diet. It is suggested in many of the books I have read to be one of the top things you can do to improve chances of conceiving. You don’t have to have full blown celiacs, some people just have difficulty digesting gluten which can cause you to become malnourished and then affect your fertility. Below are some common signs that you may have an issue digesting gluten. These are just some that I have experienced that were mentioned in the book.



Common Signs & symptoms of celiac disease

Constipation

Depression

Early menopause

Low iron

Kidney stones

Chronic fatigue – I still have this even though I am on a glutten free diet.

Amenorrea caused by nutrient deficiencies



Good news to all of you who have celiacs and are experiencing fertility problems. Maintaining a strict gluten free diet can reduce infertility effects. According to the article found at http://ezinearticles.com/?Celiac-Disease---Infertility--You-May-Have-it-and-Not-Know,-Find-Out-Why-Its-Important!&id=2281732 “It is noted that 'infertile' women often go onto delivering healthy babies, assisted by eating a strict gluten free diet. In Australia the typical method of resolving infertility issues is to see a naturopath, take lots of vitamins and then see an IVF specialist. The reality with this is that these methods are very costly and time consuming and if you have celiac disease and don't know it, it is likely that your chances of conceiving will not increase any. While none of this data proves that celiac disease causes infertility, it strongly suggests that people diagnosed as celiacs are likely to have more difficulty conceiving and they can massively improve their chances when observing a strict gluten free diet.” I am going to continue to do research to try and find some cases of women who have been diagnosed with POF that have healed their bodies and restored their fertility.



I have started to look up and make sure other products I used on a daily basis are gluten free. First on the list are my make up and my shampoo. Below is what I found from research other celiacs patients have posted.

A lot of the Pantene product's contain wheat protein's

Bare Escentuals: The Minerals line has some products that are gluten free, not the Bare Escentuals products.
All gluten free:
-Bare MInerals Foundation
-Bare Minerals Blushes
-Bare Minerals Eyeshadows, Glimpses, Glimmers
-Bare Minerasl Multi-Tasking Bisques
-Bare Minerals Buxom lip gloss.
-Bare Minerals Mascara

Almost all of MAC’s lip products are gluten free

http://www.carefreebeauty.us/face - this is a great gluten free brand that is like bare minerals

Well that is it for me today. I ate two tablespoons of flaxseeds with my juice this morning, my gluten free lunch at PF Changs and my dinner. My husband worked with me at the gym this evening on weight training. I am getting healthier and stronger by the day. I feel like Rocky in the first movie when he starts running and trying to make it all the way to the top of the steps. Don’t laugh but I kind of played the theme song in my head while I was working out. I feel great on my new supplements: my multi-vitamin is Super Nutrition Prenatal Blend Antioxidant Rich Multi-Vitamin (for post and prenatal women) the packaging suggests to take 6 a day but I am taking 4 a day right now. My PABA and L-Lysine are made by NOW. My tea which I drink three cups of each morning is made by Traditional Medicinals Organic Pregnancy Tea (their website states that only one of their products contain gluten and this tea is not the one with gluten so drink away). Last but not least the multi vitamin I bought for my husband is Rainbow Light Men’s One JustOnce Energy B Complex & Probiotic (on sale at vitamin cottage for 19.99 right now). Hope this helps.

Last but not least just wanted to remind everyone that if you are a celiacs patient and are going to incorporate flaxseeds and/or wheatgrass into your diets. Please check the labels. Certain brands can contain gluten so be sure to check the label on your flaxseed and ask the juicer about the wheat grass better safe then sorry. I will share some news about wine and the fact that most is completely gluten free tomorrow. I am so excited at this news, maybe I will have to start having my one drink a day now :0)

Tip Top Fertility Shape

What is an autoimmune disorder that can cause skin blisters and affects 1 in every 133 Americans? If you guessed Celiacs Disease give yourself a pat on the back. The past few days I have been doing a lot of reading on Celiacs and how to improve your immune system. I know that I have been diagnosing the cause of why my reproductive system shut down but here is the latest and greatest. After looking through old test results from last year, visiting a few Celiacs web pages and re-reading “Making Babies”, I know believe that my Celiacs and the birth control pill were both responsible for my current situation. I also believe that I had more organs approaching shut down mode and am lucky that I received my diagnosis when I did and choose to finally take my allergy seriously and make the diet change. Having read just about every book on naturally healing your body, I am positive that my body will be back to monthly visits from Aunt Flo and feeling better in no time. On the websites I have been looking through, Celiacs is said to be caused by an environmental trigger…..hmmm could this be the fungus that Ann, my kinesiologist, was talking about? One of the other things I read about was that Celiacs can cause skin blisters known as dermatitis herpetiformis (DH). DH is an associated disorder of Celiacs and looks like a skin rash. I glanced at the picture of an example and realized that the small, read itchy bumps/blisters are what I had on my face for two years before taking Gluten out of my diet and life completely. Around fall in 2006 they just started showing up. Having had no skin problems for quite some time, I was horrified at the skin change. Naturally, I would first try to squeeze and get rid of them thinking they were pimples but started to notice that they didn’t go away and that they really itched. Eventually in December 2006 I went to the dermatologist and was put on some medication and some cream. Most of it cleared up but I noticed that at any given time, I had at least one still on my face. I also noticed that I seemed to have flare ups of more then one on my face around each holiday. Up until a few days ago, I thought it was just the stress of the holidays that brought on the lucky visit to my face but now I realize that I must have been eating and cooking with gluten around each holiday and that is why they would show up. I am proud to say that I no longer have any on my face which is just proof that they were associated with my Celiacs. Here is a picture of what Dh can look like. Please don’t be afraid, this is a really bad case but one of the only pictures I could find. This one was found on http://www.csaceliacs.org/celiac_defined.php.


I have been wanting to re-read “Making Babies” for awhile so that I could be sure I was doing everything I could for my body and to see what nutritional changes I needed my husband to make. After finishing the book for a second time, I have our supplement list locked and ready to go to Vitamin Cottage after my visit with Cheri this evening. I have so much I want to share today but first I wanted to share a great story (well I think it’s great, and this is my blog). A few days ago, my family and I attended a professional baseball game which I fully expected to have to sit through sipping water and eating peanuts the only veagan and glutten free food typically served at baseball parks. As my husband and I were quickly trying to find our section, we walked by a Gluten Free booth and we both just stopped dead in our tracks, looked at each other and smiled. We found our seats and just about every five minutes my husband would ask me if I was ready to go get something to eat. Finally at the end of the 4th inning, I was ready to get my food and we walked over to the Gluten Free booth. I was surprised to see there was a really long line. As I got closer to the front, one of the other customers pointed out that they had brownie samples. I grabbed one and to my surprise, they were really yummy! The customer smiled and said “isn’t it nice to be able to eat something like this at a baseball game?” I nodded and then the chef started talking to me about my choices. I ordered a chicken sandwich on a bun, a cookie and a beer. The stand had all organic condiments so I was able to put the chipotle mayo and ketchup on my sandwich without having to think twice about it. Food on a bun was something I had given up a long time ago, especially when I wasn’t at home. The experience of sitting at a baseball game eating a sandwich and drinking a beer (my first one in over a year) was so great. My husband said it felt good to be married to someone who could drink beer again.

Starting today, Monday, August 2, 2010, I will be sticking to my diet and starting tomorrow my hubby will be starting his supplements and eating fertility friendly foods while at work. For all of you women out there who make the lunches and/or the dinners. You have complete control over what is going not only into your own mouth but also your husband’s. If you read “Making Babies” you will see that your husband’s diet and lifestyle also need to be in check in order for you to get pregnant. Both of you need to lower the alcohol intake to one per day and even lower if you can (“even low levels of alcohol can cut fertility by as much as half, and alcohol is one of the most common factors affecting fertility in men”). “Making Babies” states that women shouldn’t have more then one small glass of wine or beer a day and men should have no more then two small glasses or one mixed drink. You both need to take a multi-vitamin and for those of you diagnosed with POF, you need to find one with a bunch of anti-oxidants in it. The book also suggests that both the man and woman take folic acid. For a woman, Folic Acid “lowers the risk of ovulatory infertility and also helps mature the egg before ovulation and helps the ovary respond to FSH”. In Men, “it improves sperm count, quality and function. Can increase their sperm count by 74%.” Other things the book suggests are to make sure that you are drinking plenty of water. If you are dehydrated, your cervical mucus will be affected. Adding flax/flaxseed to your daily diet is also very good for fertility (two teaspoons everyday, do not cook it because like veggies it looses most of its nutritional value that way). “Flaxseeds are powerful packages for balancing hormones and boosting fertility. I put flaxseeds in my smoothies in the morning, sprinkle them on my salad at lunch and sometimes put them on my dinner. They don’t have much taste but are packed with nutrition and are considered to be a fertility superfood. The book also mentions Para-aminobenzoic Acid (PABA). PABA “ has been proven to correct certain aspects of autoimmune conditions that can affect fertility.” As soon as I read this, I put PABA on my grocery list. This could help me heal the damage from my Celiacs :0) “Making Babies” is full of great advice for lifestyle and nutritional changes in order to get your fertility in tip top shape. After an appointment with Cheri last night, I had a great list to take to the local vitamin cottage. I love my appointments with her. My colonics go pretty well, I get to meditate and relax on the mignun bead and I am always curious to see what results I get from my foot baths but she always has great advice for me and last week was a shoulder for me to lean on after receiving my high FSH results. Last night during my foot bath, we chatted about all of the things I had read about in “Making Babies” which all seemed to correlate with the changes she had already asked me to make. For example, drinking one gallon of water a day. I am not there yet but not only does water have healing properties but I have recently learned it also helps with cervical mucus. Another thing we talked about is flaxseeds. She had already asked me to start taking flaxseeds with my meals to improve digestion and then I read that they are a fertility superfood. These are just two examples that connected my treatment with Cheri to the information I have read. This makes me feel great because I feel like I am on the right track. Cheri also suggested I take Lyzine (3-5,000 mg a day for 6 months). Lyzine helps with the liver and by looking at the results of my food bath and the fact that I was on a medication for 10 years straight, my liver could use some help. We also talked about nettles tea. Nettles tea is a good supply of Iron and according to “Making Babies,” Iron “plays a key role in DNA replication and in the maturing of the egg in advance of ovulation”. Cheri told me I could find Nettles tea at any of the natural grocers. For my husband, she also suggested Food for life bread. This bread is supposed to be jammed packed with nutrients. Feeling relaxed and that I had just received a series of great cleansing treatments, I was on my way to Vitamin College. I will say I received the best help ever when I got there. The young man that helped me knew his fertility stuff and got my in and out in less then 20 minutes. He helped me find a men’s once daily vitamin for the hubby (with folic acid), 1000 mg lyzine supplements, a great prenatal antioxidant vitamin and a PABA supplement. Next we went to look for the nettles tea and instead of handing me the plain nettles tea (not much taste), he suggested I use the pregnancy tea that also had nettles in it. He explained that the tea was jammed packed with things women needed to get pregnant and then maintain a pregnancy. I left vitamin cottage thanking God for showing me that there was still such a thing as customer service and started my trek home. I woke up this morning, made my juice with flaxseeds and took my antioxidant vitamin. I will take my lyzine and PABA at lunch. I packed my husband breakfast and lunch with fruits and veggies and included his daily vitamin. We are on our way to getting in tip top fertility shape! I will share the brands of my supplements and tea tomorrow….I forgot to write them down last night. :0) While at the store, I picked up a gluten free magazine and read some pretty exciting stuff which I will also share tomorrow. We will also start exploring healing properties of foods you eat everyday….get excited!

I Am Woman Hear Me ROAR!

I am officially changing myself for the better. I had two people tell me that they wished they could be as upbeat and positive as I am all the time. Not bad for someone who was once considered narcissistic and negative at one point in my life huh?? Ok fine, I’ll admit I am still extremely sarcastic at times but I don’t feel like I have this big black cloud hanging over me anymore. I find that I am able to better handle stress and bad news and feel really good and energetic throughout the day. I am also finding it easier to see my glass half full instead of half empty which I have always had a hard time doing. Why set yourself up for disappointment…is what I used to say but now I believe that seeing the glass half full is a much better way to live. Heck maybe I will picture my glass completely full of a yummy frozen strawberry margarita! I know I have already stated this and you are probably tired of reading it but I have made the decision to enjoy everyday of my life like it is the last one. You never know when your last day is going to be and I don’t want to be sitting up in heaven wishing I had enjoyed life down here more…and yes I believe I am going to heaven. There may be some people I have come across in my life that believe there is a special place in hell for me but I live my life as a good Christian and believe that is where I am going. There maybe a brief quiz at the pearly white gates but I will eventually get in. It was nice to see that the changes I have made to myself and my life are being noticed by others and not just by me. An hour after receiving the compliments, I was working away at my desk when my phone rang. I looked on the caller ID and it read CU Denver. I thought it might be a student looking for an internship so I answered in my most professional sounding voice. It was my OBGYN, Dr. Santorro (specializes in working with POF patients). She called in regards to my high FSH result I had received a few days before. She said she understood that I had gotten upset but that it wasn’t anything to be upset over. Patients with POF can have an extremely high FSH reading one day and a few days later it can be extremely low it just depends on what your ovaries are doing. She said it can be really difficult to test the FSH for POF patients and that I would be better off just listening to my body and watching for any changes and then whenever I think the time is right “jumping” on my husband is a good thing to do. In her experience, it seems that in POF patients the ovaries typically store up follicles for three months and after the third month will have a cycle (this was good news). Then she said something that I really need to remember….patients with POF have trouble not getting frustrated especially if they are compulsive at having control on things. You have to relax and keep doing things that are healthy for you to do. As I thanked her for calling and hung up the phone, I made myself another promise, I was going to stop trying to control everything in my life and relax….or at least try and relax. I don’t do that very well, never have. I come from a long line of high strung women on my mom’s side. My Dad is very laid back and occasionally I feel that coming out in me …but not very often. I need to explore that side of me more and learn to let “freakin” let go of things. The unexpected news from the doctor put my good mood into the almost annoying range but I didn’t care. I just worked away at my desk and when I got to the gym five hours later I skipped right in to the kickboxing class and got through it with no energy problems at all. It felt great to work out, I am going to try and do it more often while I am trying to get Aunt Flo to start visiting again. I have a lot of new goals right now so why not set another one….I would like to be back to the weight I was at when I received my diagnosis….that means I have ten pounds to loose. I stopped running when the doctors told me running was bad for fertility and grew in to then out of all of my fat day clothes. Sweatpants have become a big part of my weekend wardrobe and although it is comfy….it is not a sexy look for someone in their twenties. I am not going to obsess about my weight or try to loose it to fast. I would like to loose it by Christmas which gives me five months. My hope is that by Christmas, I will have seen more positive changes to my body and that I will have had one or two visits from Aunt Flo by then. I know it will take some time to heal my body but like I have said way to many times before…if people can cure their cancer, I can regain function of my reproductive system. I am changing my life one day at a time and for that I am grateful I am going through this time in my life. Because of the diagnosis, I will live the rest of my life must more aware and healthy then I would have if I hadn’t gone through this. I have helped other women going through something similar, have helped people to make better decisions on nutrition and have learned to appreciate how much better a glass half full looks then one that is half empty. I am a new woman or maybe I have finally become a woman?? Anyway hear me ROAR!

All the Time in the World

The rest of the evening was surprisingly peaceful. I went to see Cheri (Mrs. W) against the advice of Ann (the kinisiologist). I wanted to go and talk to her and get her opinion on what she thought was going on with my body. When I arrived at her office, she was taking another patient back for a colonic so she suggested I do a long session on the Mignun bed and then we could talk when she was done. As I laid down, my eyes were filled up with tears as I tried to hold them back. I had already had one emotional outburst earlier that day when the nurse told me my results. Wanting to avoid having to apologize to a second person for my out of control emotions, I pushed back the tears and laid down. I was glad I was able to lay on the message bed for so long. I completely relaxed and fell asleep for brief moments. When it was time for us to talk, I felt much better and emotionally stable. We talked about my results from the kinisiologist reading and what Cheri thought of them and how I felt about them. We also talked about my recent test results. Cheri explained that when a person starts cleansing (whether it be through meditating, kinesiology, colonics, yoga, acupuncture or change in diet) the body has to be worse before it can get better. When you start doing any of these things, you have to “stir up the bad stuff” in order to get it up and out. This is why, she thinks, I had a higher FSH result then I had last time. Since the last blood test, I started the diet change and all of the cleansing and had a kinesiology reading only two days before the blood draw. What Cheri was saying made sense to me. Like cleaning for example, you know how when you first start organizing a room it can look worse then when you started? But as you put things away and organize slowly but surely the room gets cleaned? That is kind of what I am doing right now, slowly re-organizing and restoring order to my “messy room” otherwise known as my body. Cheri also explained that although you should listen to your doctors and get results of tests, they shouldn’t be the end all be all. We all have the ability to listen to our bodies. Cravings, dreams and aches and pains are all examples of ways our bodies talk to us. She said that if I didn’t want to take a test, then I shouldn’t take it. The human mind (subconscious) is a strong thing. We talked about this in great detail as I explained my regrets on going to the doctor when I first went off the pill and taking a blood test. I told her that I believed that once they told me I had “premature ovarian failure and that I wouldn’t have kids with my eggs” that it had been engraved into my brain and that until recently I wasn’t sure how to get it out. It wasn’t until yesterday when I finally got angry that I truly felt inside and out that my diagnosis was incorrect and that what is going on was caused by my taking birth control for over 10 years and my celiacs (genetic or not). I decided right then and there that the appointment with the fertility specialist on August 6th was going to be cancelled. My husband and I were not ready for the next step anyway. He is still against using a strangers eggs and I believe that if we wait for my body to repair itself, we will have plenty of eggs. Heck, maybe I will donate eggs after going through this whole ordeal? I need to get healthy and both my husband and I need to be in a better place financially. Next, Cheri and I discussed that as our bodies start to shut down, they do so in stages. First, it shuts down systems that are not essential for survival. One of those is the reproductive system. Although they are nice to have, functioning ovaries are not essential to live and breathe every day so that is why my reproductive system shut down instead of say my digestive system. Then we discussed how in Cheri’s experience (30 plus years), it typically takes about a year to reverse most damage made to the body unless you are working with cancer or another extremely serious illness and then it typically takes about 2 years. She promised me that I wouldn’t regret sticking with the cleansing and diet changes and we discussed me only coming once a week since I felt twice a week was too much and how important meditation and breathing were. Cheri explained how she handles stress in her every day life. For example, yesterday morning she was presented with an unexpected bill, as she got in her car she felt her body tense up and her heart race, she took a deep breath and said to herself that she was ready and accepted whatever came her way to help her pay the bill. A few hours later, she received a call from a new client which would help pay that bill. As I listened to her explain how she deals with stress, I thought about how I truly believe that if you accept things the way they are and believe things will work out, they will. I believe that if you play the victim all the time and are always expecting the worst, then the worst will come find you. Havent you ever noticed that bad things always seem to happen over and over again to the same people? There is a reason for that? If all you see is negative, how is a positive going to be noticed? During our conversation, I realized that I wasn’t sure why I wanted to have children right now, so badly. I think it is really something I was thinking about when I went off the pill and when the doctors told me it was something I couldn’t do and what seems like all of my loved ones started getting pregnant, it went from something that I was thinking about doing to something I just had to do. Like when you are on a diet and trying not to eat sweets. You go for a few days of avoiding all tasty treats and then one morning you wake up laying next to an empty ice cream carton and spoon. As soon as someone tells us we can’t do something, it’s like our subconscious immediately just has to do it. Yes, I am a woman and most of us have this motherly instinct and yes it’s something I would like to eventually do in my life but now that I think about it, it’s not something I honestly want to do right this second. My husband and I are not truly ready to be parents right now. I have quite a bit of debt (from my failed shopping therapy) and we are currently living with my in-laws until we decide what city we want to live in. So with not much money, no house and an un-healthy reproductive system, I can see why the universe wouldn’t want to align the stars (so to speak) for us right now. True, many babies have been born into way worse conditions but I like to think someone up there knows what’s best for me and now is not the time. My husband is almost three years younger then me and yesterday was only our two year wedding anniversary, so we have time. As my discussion with Cheri came to an end, I decided that for now, I no longer cared about getting pregnant. My main focus was going to be to restore my reproductive system and have periods every month. Once I got to that point, then maybe I would think about having children. So to all my organs I cursed yesterday, I do need you but I understand you need me too. Let’s just put yesterday behind us, I am very sorry and I know you are doing the best you can with what you have. My husband didn’t utter one word about my bad test result last night which I was grateful for but I know he is upset. His mother waited for him to go to bed and told me that he was really upset but felt like things were going to be ok. Before she went up to her bedroom, she patted me on the shoulder and for the first time in a long time, I realized that I actually believed it was all going to work out. I will heal my body, restore my reproductive system and become a monthly buyer of Playtex products. People have healed there bodies and brought them back from much worse, it is just going to take more then three months to reverse over 10 years of damage. So “patience young skywalker” and “may the force be with you”. Take a deep breath and relax, I have all the time in the world so I need to enjoy it and stop focusing on something I’m not even ready for right now.

To Option Number 2 Please….and Step On It!

I just got the results and I am sad to report that I am sitting here crying in my office again!!! Deva vu to last May when I received the news that changed my world as I knew it. My FSH went back up from 43 to an 87! WTF???? I have been doing all the right things. Keeping a good attitude, drinking wheatgrass everyday, juicing every morning, working out. This is not fair! The frustrating thing is that I know my body has been healing and been trying to ovulate. Even as I write this, I have a strange cramp in my lower abdomen?? It’s just that I don’t know what is the correct date to draw blood for the FSH test since I don’t have a period or a normal cycle. If I don’t know what is the best date to test, I will never get a low enough test result for any fertility specialist to let me use my eggs in an IVF procedure or harvest them. My number results are all over the place because my body has been doing different things at each time blood has been drawn. The average woman’s FSH fluctuates up and down on a daily basis depending where they are in their cycle. I am not letting this get me down (at least after I finish this crying spell). It is simply one blood test result out of the hundreds I will get over my lifetime. After I get this cry out of my system, I will not get upset about it again. I will not play the victim, victim’s are the ones who accept a bad diagnosis or a bad test result and let it run their lives. I will just re-read “Making a baby” and start eating every food the book mentions to help with fertility. I will start doing things like drinking and running that I want to do and live my life like I want just with a few dietary changes. If a baby is meant to be in my life, it will come. I will start having an occasional drink with the hubby, eating chips with my salsa (as long as they are gluten free) and running in the afternoon. These are just a few off the huge list of things I have given up on my quest to have a baby. It’s gotten to the point now that I am taking the same approach I used to use when deciding on whether or not to stay in a relationship (when I was single). Either this person wants me the way I am, as me or they should go find someone else. So either my future child wants to grow inside of me and have me as their mother the way I am or they don’t. An occasional drink here and there, snack full of carbs or a little cardio is going to affect that decision then I don’t want to be a mother. I deserve to enjoy life a little, you only live once and for the past year and a half I have lived my one life to live in a glass box watching everyone around me enjoy themselves. Either the stars will align and my fertility will improve or it won’t. That’s right ladies and gentlemen; I am officially pissed off and tired of this crap. If my ovaries want to keep taking monthly siesta’s fine! Mother nature or Aunt flow whichever you prefer to be called….if you don’t want to come visit then fine. You tend to be a messy house guest so at least I wont have to clean up after you. As for my brain, if you would stop thinking about crap that doesn’t matter (like how to get back at the person that just cut us off) and concentrate on the functions you are supposed to be taking care of maybe things would be different. We have a serious focus issue. Even as I am trying to write this, all I can think about is how good the dried cranberries in my salad look. How can I expect you to focus if I can’t do it and I am the one controlling you??? The point is, this girl, excuse me, woman is tired of this whole thing. It’s been a year and a half and today’s results put the “D” in DONE. I am done waiting for my body to work. FSH, I will be walking into the fertility specialist’s office two weeks from now and telling them to give me the drugs to lower you. You refuse to do it yourself so now I am going to force you. Then ovaries, I will be using someone elses eggs to try and get pregnant. You officially have no purpose so go ahead and continue sleeping….it’s not like I have any use for you anyway, you have been replaced. That’s right, I am ready for donor eggs so am officially exploring the second option….now I just need to convince the hubby. I am also going to get re-tested for Celiacs. I have been thinking that maybe there is some truth to what the kinesiologist said last week. Perhaps I am not allergic to Gluten and have taken it out of my diet when I shouldn’t have thus starving my body of some important nutrients. If not, then I guess I will continue to eat gluten free. I really need to jog right now..why can’t it be 3:30 PM so I can get out of here?

Two Years and a Much Better Person

At this exact time and date two years ago, I was getting ready to walk down the aisle. Today is my two year wedding anniversary, time flies when you are trying to heal your body right? My husband and I have come a long way since then. We thought we knew everything about each other but as most of you who are married know….we thought wrong. For whatever reason, marriage seems to complicate things. It takes two people who are in love with no issues and turns them into two strangers wearing matching wedding bands. I thought I knew my husband before we were married but it has honestly taken the past two years for us to really to know each other and find our “niche” if you will. In a way, I am grateful we didn’t get pregnant when we started trying. We weren’t ready then. We had so much growing we needed to do as a couple and I had some growing to do as an individual. I never fully appreciated anything I had in life be it my health, family, friends and material possessions. I took advantage of my monthly gift, my job, my husband and so on and so on. I just expected my body to carry out the necessary functions of life, never giving anything back to it but a ton of Diet Dr. Pepper and cheese. I deserve what I got, I took a pill that suppressed my reproductive system to make things easy on me. I don’t blame my body for wanting to show me what I didn’t appreciate. This whole experience has taught me to love and appreciate everything more….not just my body. The message at church yesterday in summary was that as Christians, we need to treat everyone with the same kindness and not turn our backs on others, especially loved ones, simply because we don’t want to deal with the inconvenience. By taking the pill, I was avoiding the inconvenience of having a period every month (on months where I took the pill straight through…couldn’t have a visit from aunt flow on my wedding day) or worrying about alternative methods of birth control. I simply turned my back on my reproductive system and for that I have paid a hefty price. I know that when I get my results back today that it will be a sign that my body is finally forgiving me and that mother nature is ready to start her monthly visits with me again. I understand it will be a probationary “period” the first 6 months to make sure I continue with my end of the deal. I promise to have chocolate and a heating pad waiting each month for mother nature’s arrival and also swear that I will never complain about it even if they last two weeks at a time! I was at a party for a dear friend this past weekend. As I was standing in the kitchen watching everyone at the party I noticed that with the exception of one younger woman who was single, I was the only woman within child bearing age (out of 12) that didn’t have a child. My mother who was standing next to me, must have been meeting up with my brain waves because she just grabbed my arm and said “don’t worry it will happen for you”. I just looked at her and said “I will not be the 1%, I refuse”. For those of you just joining this blog, 1% is the percentage of women with unexplained fertility in the United States. I choose to be in the 99% that do get pregnant and have healthy reproductive systems. My diagnosis is simply that just words typed onto a piece of paper and put in a file that has probably collected lots of dust by now being that it has been a year and a half since my last appointment with the fertility specialist. I will not accept my diagnosis, it isn’t true. I have long lasting side effects from taking the pill and in a few months, things will be just as they should be. As I sit here and wait for the doctor’s office to call, I feel grateful for the opportunity to learn everything I’ve learned about nutrition and alternative medicine. I feel lucky to have been connected with such great people online and read so many amazing stories about amazing women who have also chosen to ignore their own medical diagnosis and proven doctors wrong. Wish me luck, only a few hours until the moment of truth. Mother nature I am ready for your next visit and doctors office I am ready for the best news I have gotten in a awhile. No time for a case of the Mondays, to much to think about already!

Signs They Are Everywhere!

The appointment with the Kinesiologist was very…. interesting but the results were better then I could have expected. I arrived at the home where I would be receiving a treatment and halfway ran in because I was so anxious for the appointment to start. Ann, answered the door, introduced herself and led me to a waiting room so that she could finish up on a patient. As I sat there, I listened to the thunder outside and wondered if the thunder or rain storm moving in meant anything. Was I about to cleanse myself and the storm was a sign? I know I am a huge dork for even thinking like this and an even bigger one for sharing this thought but I have really started to believe in signs. I have always believed that everything happens for a reason and even halfway believe that the first blizzard Denver had in 2006 was God allowing a bunch of people to meet (like my husband and I) and a bunch of people to pro-create. His way of killing thousands of birds with one snowy stone. It seems to perfect that I would walk into a bar that I wouldn’t have ever gone in prior to the blizzard and meet my now husband of two years. I had sworn off men after three mini relationships so mini that they barely existed and wasn’t the least bit interested in dating anyone. My roommate had become friends with our neighbors so when the snow started to fall, they came over and asked if we wanted to walk over to the bar in the parking lot of our apartment complex. Seeing the confused look on our faces he immediately explained that the owners had recently converted the old gay bar into a heterosexual bar and we agreed we would go…for a bit. My husband’s roommate was friends with my neighbors and he had a big truck so they were able to drive over to the complex after receiving the invite. The two of them met us at the bar so I didn’t even know they were coming until I turned around after ordering a drink at the bar and ran smack into him. He is very tall and muscular so I just kind of bounced off of him and then I said “you are really tall.”….thank you captain obvious. That isn’t what he said to me but since getting to know each other he has told me he really doesn’t know what to say when people say that to him…um thanks…you are really short. We hit it off immediately and after a few days of playing hard to get we gave in and he attended a friends wedding with me where we had our first kiss and we have been together ever since. Growing up, you are always told that if it a relationship was meant to be that things wouldn’t be so difficult, that when it’s meant to be things just mesh and you don’t even have to think about it. I always rolled my eyes when my mom told me that but guess what…she was right. I didn’t have to wonder if he was going to call or if something I might say might scare him away everything clicked and it was perfect. Looking back on those times almost 4 years ago I am jealous of my old self. I was young, confident and so happy with no troubles in sight. I had what I thought were my periods, size 2 jeans and a great apartment downtown. Oh how I wish I would have enjoyed that time more and not taken it for granted. Don’t get me wrong, I am still confident but those size 2 jeans have gone up a few sizes, my periods have taken a siesta and I know live much further away from downtown. Anyway, I wonder if the approaching rainstorm rumbling in as I entered the kinesiologist’s home was sign of things changing just like the blizzard in 2006 had been all those years ago.

As the session started, Ann went through her background and explained why she does applied kinesiology for a living and that she has done it for over 30 years. Her story is very crazy. She has been through a lot but it all taught her that the human mind controls a lot more then most people think. We then briefly went over my history (family and health) and then she had me lay on a coach and took my left arm and laid it across the arm of the couch. Then she took my hand and we started the treatment. Let me start out by saying that I didn’t give her much detail into my history and what she found out during the treatment was dead on. She took my hand and felt around my hand and my wrist as she read the currents in my body. As she read, I listened and wondered what it all meant. Luckily, she wrote down the results. Occasionally she would feel a negative charge and stop and ask me why I had them on the subjects she was researching. One of them was my mother another was the word pregnant. It was determined in my session that I was carrying around a lot of trapped emotions for my mother. Not towards my mother for my mother. It seems that while my mother was pregnant with me, she was carrying a lot of guilt and depression. That would make sense, her father died less then a year before I was born and right before she became pregnant with me, her and my dad moved from St. Louis (where my mom’s entire family lived and still lives…including my newly widowed grandmother) to Louisiana for my Dad’s job. My mom has told me countless number of times how sad she was before she decided to suck it up and start enjoying her life since she couldn’t change where she lived…at least at that moment. The session also brought up that I had trauma in the womb. The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and I was struggling. My mother subconsciously knew I was in danger and her body went into labor….3 weeks early, well actually it was 4 weeks early. Ann said my mom’s doctors said it was 3 weeks but that it was really 4 weeks. As my mom was giving birth, her body was freaking out because it was worried about me. My mom’s blood pressure rose so high that she was on the brink of having a heart attack. I was born with jaundice which has to do with the liver. The liver is connected to emotions specifically sadness….hmm I see a connection there don’t you? Ann, said that the sad feelings my mom had while pregnant and the traumatic birth have caused both my mother and I to bottle up emotions from these events without even knowing it. Even though I hadn’t been born yet, I was aware of my mother’s feelings while pregnant because we were connected. As an adult, I have been subconsciously worried that I will feel the sadness she felt while pregnant if I were to get pregnant and that my child and I would experience a traumatic birth if I were to have a child. Ann also said that my mother also subconsciously didn’t want me to get pregnant because she is afraid for the child’s life. I was shocked at this result, my mother had never expressed feeling like this to me but after speaking with my mother after leaving the appointment….Ann was dead on. My mother has a fear of the baby not making it the complete 9 months and doesn’t want my child to have the same problems I had when I was born….this was amazing to me. Moving on, Ann picked up that I had some kind of fungus growing in me in the womb and after I was born and that my mother had the same fungus. She said the fungus grew into candida and caused food allergies in both my mother and I. My mother picked up the fungus in St. Louis before she moved and it was given to me in the womb. Can you say the beginning of our Celiacs? After working on me a bit more, Ann then went on to say that it seems like I had a very small amount of the fungus left inside my body and asked if I had recently done any cleansing or changed my diet. Well those of you who have been reading know that I have done both. She then went and tested every organ until it was determined that the remaining fungus was hiding in my tailbone..of all places. That was the last place I would have looked! She explained that we would release the reminance of the fungus during our cranial session. Ann then went on to discuss pregnancy and my diagnosis. She asked me if I believed my diagnosis was accurate and I said no. She said there was no negative charge so that was true, she then stopped and asked me what I thought the problem was and that I knew what it was. I said it was my birth control pills and again there was no negative charge. She asked if I believed I was going to get pregnant on my own and there was no negative charge. As I was explaining my feelings I said the word pregnant on my own and she felt a negative charge. We talked about why I had bad feelings toward the word and she explained that my body believed I could get pregnant on my own so I needed to as well. I also needed to let go of the trauma that occurred during my birth. Next we went through and tested my hormones which seemed almost perfect and Ann told me to stop taking the supplements I had recently started taking because they weren’t needed (my milk thistle I had started only three weeks before). She then told me not to worry about lab results I would be getting soon that the results would be very close to 0% (my FSH test being taken today). After she was done working on me she had me lay on a table so she could release the negative emotions from my spine. I know right about now you are rolling your eyes and thinking this is a bunch of psychic crapola. She put her hands on the back of my head where my spine meets my skull and explained that she was going to be releasing spinal fluid that is trapped and that is how the left over fungus and bottled up emotions would be released. As she pressed in, I felt a pain move from the back of my head to the front of my head and closed my eyes and relaxed for a minute. Ann kept repeating that I needed to let go of the emotions having to do with my mother and forget the diagnosis that it was wrong. After about 15 minutes the treatment was done. Ann scheduled a call for us the second week in August for a follow up. She said she wanted to hear about my periods and my test results and that everything was going to be fine. She had been doing this for over 30 years and to trust her. Then we went over the notes from the testing and she wrote out a few things for me to be sure and tell my mother one of which was that she had saved my life and that she was still carrying the fungus that caused my celiacs. I left feeling better and trying to picture the emotions releasing…yes I am aware that I sound like a crazy person. I talked to my mom on the way home and she confirmed most of what Ann had read from me about her pregnancy with me and her feelings towards me getting pregnant. The longer I spoke with my mom, the better I felt about what Ann had said. I went to sleep that night believing that everything was going to be fine and I still do.
Now I know this is completely ridiculous but I woke up that next day fully expecting to start the period from hell. The emotions had all been released so bring on the flood. That is so not fair to expect such instant gratification but what can I say, a year and a half of waiting has made me impatient, haven’t I been patient enough. Instead of a period, I had the headache from hell that seemed to reach from the back of my head to my forehead and it lasted all day. It was a good thing I had a company golf tournament and didn’t have to sit at a desk with the headache but I am horrible at golf and was more entertainment for my group then a group member. I swung and missed so many times, if it were baseball I would have done great but unfortunately the golf ball can sit as high as the baseball when you hit it. As the day passed and I didn’t feel or see any sign of a period I got more and more upset. By the time I met my husband at the gym, I was just about breakdown ready. He immediately read that in my face and asked if we were fighting and I just told him that I was upset and that it was stupid for me to be upset. He replied with “well your hormones seem to be all over the place so maybe its not that stupid”. He was right, I was on the verge of tears and had been emotional all day. Perhaps a period was about to appear in the next few days? Satisfied with that, I worked out and snapped out of my mood. I made dinner and we were relaxing on the couch when the phone started to ring and ring and ring. It was my husband’s aunt calling to inform the family that my husband’s great uncle had passed away. His wife had passed away just a few years before and he had not been well since. He passed away at the age of 60 which is not very old. It got me thinking about all of the people that have passed away so closely to their significant other passing away. They are so linked that they can’t survive without one another. This made what Ann said about my mother and I so much more believable. If people not even from the same blood line can be so connected that they physically cannot live without one another then most I could most definitely have a connection to my mother from the womb. As I got ready to go to sleep, I repeated all of the issues Ann had released from my body and begged my body to release them and move on. I also repeated 0% FSH a few times….figured it wouldn’t hurt. I woke up in an instant to my husband’s alarm clock and immediately yelled “Crap!” My alarm hadn’t gone off at 4:30 which meant that I was waking up an hour late and had to get ready in 30 minutes! I managed to get ready and tried not to stress since I was having blood drawn for an FSH test at 11:00. Work went by quickly and I didn’t even have time to think about the blood test. As I drove to the doctor’s office I thought about some true stories my mother and sister in law had shared with me the day before. The stories involved women who had received negative home pregnancy test results but were actually pregnant. One even carrying the baby 7 months before finding out. I decided I would ask for an additional blood test to see if I was pregnant. Wouldn’t that be great if I was pregnant and didn’t know it?

Turns out, a blood pregnancy test detects the same thing that a home pregnancy test does, HCG, so they didn’t take blood for that but they did run one vile for an FSH test which I will get back next Monday. I know it will be good…just don’t know how good it will be. I hope it’s as close to zero it can be without it being to low!

I'll See the Witch Doctor and She'll Tell Me What to Do

It is Monday, boo, and I am sitting at my desk watching the clock for 9:00 AM to hit so I can call and schedule my appointment with the kinesiologist. I understand that my work hours start a wee bit earlier then most people’s so I am trying not to piss off the doc before I even get to see her. To pass the time this morning, I thought I would do a bit of research of kinesiology and fertility. I found a bunch of encouraging case studies and articles. Throughout this whole ordeal, I have read so many stories about people who have had cancer and chemotherapy that were told they wouldn’t have children and they did. I still maintain that if someone who has had chemotherapy and a disease like cancer can have children then so can I. I truly believe that this “witch doctor” could be the missing link. Here is some of the information I found on kinesiology and fertility.http://www.hk4health.co.uk/menopause.htm “During the 40 odd years between puberty and post-menopause, a woman experiences many life changes and physical body changes. The reproductive system is involved in many of these, often giving rise to symptoms ranging from irregular periods, difficulty conceiving and endometriosis to severe menopausal symptoms, such as hot flushes, mood swings and low self-esteem. Health Kinesiology has helped many people overcome such imbalances. One client's periods had stopped after receiving chemotherapy treatment. She was suffering from hot flushes and was feeling bloated and generally out of kilter. Blood tests confirmed that she was in the early stages of the menopause due to the chemotherapy and she was informed that it was likely that in four years she would be infertile. Reluctantly she followed medical advice and commenced HRT. She visited a Health Kinesiology practitioner on the advice of a friend and went with an open mind. Even during her first session the client began to feel less bloated and her pelvic area began to feel 'normal'. She had 2 further Health Kinesiology sessions, plus she implemented some minor dietary changes and replaced the HRT with a natural herbal remedy. Her periods soon returned and were regular and a further blood test surprised her GP when it showed that her hormone levels were back to normal. By the end of that year she was pregnant and gave birth to a healthy 8lb 2oz baby girl!” This was very encouraging because this woman’s periods had stopped just like mine have stopped. Next I went to http://www.fertileground.com.au/kinesiology.htm “Kinesiology is an energetic model of healing which merges gentle chiropractic muscle monitoring techniques with the principles of Traditional Chinese Medicine, counselling, nutrition and energetic science. Kinesiology uses these techniques to assess stress in the body’s nervous, digestive, muscular, reproductive, endocrine and immune systems and determine the underlying cause of this stress. Kinesiology resolves blockages in the body leading to improvement of one’s wellbeing and vitality. How does it work? Energetic imbalances affect people in different ways, so every kinesiology session is tailored specifically to the individual. It is a personal approach that brings understanding and awareness of the root of your condition and uses gentle corrective techniques to reprogram the body and its response to stress and emotions. This enables the client to overcome obstacles and achieve deep and lasting results. How many sessions will I need? If you have been living with a longstanding condition or series of symptoms then it is likely that it may take some time to work through. It is, however, not uncommon for people to experience immediate changes. In normal clinical situations, an issue can require between two to six sessions for the client to feel the benefits of their treatment.” These two sites convinced me I should go with my gut feeling and make an appointment. Come on 9:00, it’s taking you forever to get here!
I did it! I left the message. Then I had to wait until I received a call back at 6:30 PM. During my waiting time, I went to see Mrs. W and we did a very powerful cleaning complete with the Minun Bed, Ionic Foot bath (where I put the tools over my ovaries) and a colonic. We also talked a bit about my expectations. Mrs. W said she believed that my body would eventually be back to its natural working order but I had over 20 years of eating flour and damaging my body….and that cant be fixed in a year. She said to keep doing the things I have been doing and thinking positively and things were bound to heal completely. I left with what felt like menstrual symptoms and feeling much better about things. I felt even better when the kinesiologist, Ann, called back. She had an opening this Weds. at 2:00 PM. I would have to leave early and cancel my acupuncture appointment, but after our conversation, I was convinced that this was the appointment I had been waiting for a really long time. Ann and I went over what had happened since my diagnosis. My family history and what my every day life looked like. She stated that 80% of the people that come to her, come see her because they have simply tried everything else. She also said that most of their issues stemmed from emotional issues stored deep inside the body and that one of the things she does is to help release those emotions. She said that everything I had been doing seemed to be working but that my body can’t completely restore function because I probably have emotional issues. Weird, another person telling me I have issues. Add it to the list of reasons why I wonder everyday why my husband puts up with me. Seriously, I would run far and fast from any man that had as many issues that I have. Ann said it can take up to three treatments for some people but that some only need one or two. I am excited and feel that this is my missing link.
I have to tell you one of the things that have been causing un-needed stress in my life. A few years ago, I received a letter in the mail from my mortgage company stating that they believed my confidential information had been leaked. Almost immediately, I started receiving letters in the mail thanking me for applying for credit cards to old navy and dell. Loan application responses for mortocycles and cars. Some one had stolen my identity so I had to clean it up. I purchased a great product that forces any company that has received an inquiry or request involving my social security number to call me and verify that I did in fact request the item to be purchased or that I did apply for that credit card. A few weeks after purchasing this product, I received a call from Verizon wireless stating that they had someone on the phone trying to re-activate the phone I had just cancelled and they asked if I would like to speak with them. I glanced over at my husband who by now was wondering who the heck I was talking to and replied “yes, please put them through but please record this for police records”. For the next five minutes I talked to the person who had gotten an id, charged over $5,000 on credit cards and purchased a computer all in my name and social security number. I asked her questions that I thought would prove she wasn’t who she claimed she was and then after about five minutes she got mad and hung up. After that call, there had been no more problems with this person…..until a few days ago. On Monday, I was sitting at my desk working away when I received a call from AT&T stating that they were required to call and verify I had requested a new account and phone. I sighed and stated that “no” I hadn’t requested that and that it was fraud. I then asked what state the request had come from and it was California, just as before. I giggled to myself that I had stopped this annoying woman from doing this to me again. There are all kinds of fraud rings like the one that happened with my mortgage companies. Groups of people pay employees to give them social security numbers and then one person uses them for awhile and then when they are done with them hand them to someone else or they keep them and wait a few years before using them again and just when the victim has taken their guard down….more fraudulent charges come their way. I don’t know how these types of people sleep at night knowing that they are trashing someone elses identity just so they can have material things!! There is a special place in hell for these people I guarantee you that. Anyway, I purposely left the watch on my credit and I am glad I did. Suckers! I recommend that everyone get some kind of credit watch even if you haven’t had any issues. Believe me, it’s worth the $5.00 a month to have piece of mind.

Today is Weds., and I woke up to cramps and another negative pregnancy test. One day I will get a positive result and I will sit there on the toilet in shock. I got to see Ann, the kinesiologist today and I can’t wait!! I have a feeling this is it. My only fear is that I have so many deep rooted emotional issues that she will turn me down from treatment.

Witch doctor? Or the missing link?

Today was a very nice day. I got up, went to church and then spent the rest of the day visiting with family and friends and holding their newborn babies. While visiting my cousin, I found out that her friend that was with us has just found out she is expecting. Although I silenty thought why is this so easy for everyone else? I also was very happy for her and didnt get sad at all. I walked through baby stores with both of them, picked out outfits and waiting  for the sadness to set in...it never did. As I drove home I was happy that I had gotten to visit with them. I went to dinner with my husband and then drove to one of my very best friends house to catch up with her and see her baby for the first time in four weeks. He has gotten so bed and my friend is such a great mom.  We chatted for three hours and then I headed home.  I am glad I am at a point where I can enjoy these moments again and feel genuinely happy for all of my family members and friends as they become mothers.  I would be sad for myself if I had to miss those types of moments. On my way home, I was talking to my mom and she mentioned the "witch" doctor coming into the bank she works at. This doctor was the kinesiologist I was suppossed to go see a few months ago but cancelled the appointment.  They talked a bit about my fertility issues and the doctor offered a free consultation for me to come see her and see if she could help me. She told my mom she believed something was blocking my reproductive system.  Since ending my conversation with my mother, I have been thinking about this....I am going to call and schedule a second appointment and keep it. This doctor is moving to Texas in two months so this is my chance. I believe everything happens for a reason and the fact that she went to my mom's bank, got my mom as a teller and remembered my case might mean that she could be my missing link???  I am going to call first thing tomorrow morning.  This week is going to be very busy for me. I have class Mon-Weds for work, a golf tornament on Thurs and an FSH blood test on Friday. I will go see Mrs. W on Monday and Thursday afternoons and have an appointment for accupuncture on Weds. I will also be going every morning and doing an extra FSH shot this week. I know my FSH has gone down but I am curious to see by how much??  Friday can't get here fast enough!

Mother Nature are you there?

Back to life, back to reality…yes I am humming the tune to myself as I sit here at work. Today is Thursday and you know what that means. Probably not only I am obsessed with Thursdays. No it’s not only because it means I only have one day left until the weekend, it is because Thursday is testing day. Every Thursday morning I take a pregnancy test.  I have had some weird cramping and have been more tired then usual so I was hopeful of a different result this morning but I am sad to report that there wasn’t a plus sign staring back at me once I finally got up the nerve to look at the results.  I guess I will just have to leave it the fertility specialist to help us get pregnant. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t still terrified to go back into that office even thought its been over a year since my husband and I were last there. Our insurance company will only pay for one round of IVF with donor eggs and two rounds of IUI/IVF with my eggs. The problem is that I have to get my FSH down to 12 or below for them to let me use my eggs which means that I am going to be in fertility boot camp for the next three weeks until our appointment with the specialist on August 6^th.  My next blood test is next Friday.  I have been working on my meditation exercises and getting that wheatgrass in everyday. The meditation exercise is picturing my brain sending FSH to my ovaries and then my ovaries responding and sending a message back to my brain. This is what causes FSH to stop being produced and in turn lowers the number.  My last ultrasound displayed that there are eggs in my ovaries so that means my ovaries should have no trouble responding to the FSH and start maturing an egg when they receive the signal from my brain right?? Mr. and Mrs. Ovary lets go. It is important you not ignore Mr. Brain. Yes he is a little above you and have been trying to over work you but it’s not his fault. He lives so far away, he can’t see you working so he just keeps trying to get a hold of you. Please try really hard to respond more quickly to Mr. Brain and let him know you are on top of things down there. Ok..enough talking to my organs.  I am pretty confident that my FSH will be around 15-20 next Friday when they take the test.  I have been doing a lot of thinking and along with the milk thistle for my liver, I think I am going to start taking a natural thyroid supplement and also look up ways to naturally stimulate the pituitary gland. The liver, thyroid and pituitary gland all help to make ovulation possible so I am going to give it a go. I am really scared for the appointment to come in August. I had so hoped that I would have had another period by then.  I have been doing just about everything I can think of to get better and although I have seen improvements, still no sign of mother nature with the return of my monthly gift.  Please mother nature, I like gifts, pick me please!

A Surprising Test Result...and a new supplement (not pregnant)l

One month and two more negative pregnancy tests later I am very frustrated. I have felt my body healing and getting better and thought for sure that I would be pregnant by now but I’m not and it has got me a bit down at the moment. No worries though, what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger….I should have the strength of Hulk Holgan by now. I have been sticking to my diet, doing the deep breathing exercises and have had about four days of nothing but fun family time with my husband. I feel happy but still feel like there is something missing. I know I have to stay strong and keep positive.


The doctors said it is only a matter of time until I get pregnant so I need to enjoy my life and be happy and then it will happen. Mid May, my company had a health fair where they offered free blood tests. Me being the newly found health nut I am couldn’t say no to a free health exam so off I went to have another needle stuck into my arm. They drew my blood, had me fill out a questionnaire about my mental health and I was done. A few days ago I checked the mail and there were my results in an envelope marked CONFIDENTIAL. I opened it and started reading through everything. It turns out that the free blood test screen a lot of things. My cholesterol, thyroid, protein and much more. The results even came with a booklet explaining how each thing checked affected my body. As I got to page three, I notice there were two items that were in bold with a capital H next to them. I read on and found that my Billirubin and Alkaline Phos were both higher then the high average provided. I turned my attention to the explanation booklet. Both items were related to the liver. I sat there for a minute and then re-read the booklet. My liver? Wasn’t that checked by any of the other doctors? The fertility specialist? Either of the two endocrinologists? I wasn’t completely shocked though. Mrs. W had mentioned at one of my last visits that she believed my liver was in need of some work after being on birth control for so long and having jaundice as a baby. Looks like she hit the nail right on the head. 1 point for Mrs. W and a bit fat 0 for my other doctors. So sad it has taken me this long to find this. I immediately hopped on the information highway otherwise known as Google and search for ways to improve liver function. The supplement Milk Thistle popped up again and again so I spent about an hour researching it. Turns out Milk Thistle is dairy and wheat free….check. It can help restore liver function…check and I could start taking it as soon as I drove to the nearest natural grocer to buy it…check. My husband drove me to the store and I anxiously made my way to the supplement isle, impatiently scanned all the names and smiled as I found it. I have been taking it for three days now. I don’t feel any differently but I do feel like I am doing something to help myself. My doctor’s office has been closed due to the long holiday weekend so this morning was the first chance I had to fax them the results. As soon as I faxed the results, I called and left a message for the nurse and told her that I was worried about the high liver readings. She of course called back and said that they meant nothing but to me, having a higher then average liver reading is not nothing. Who knows maybe my liver readings are slighty off but that could be the universe’s way of showing me what is going on with my body. Ring Ring. Hello, it’s the universe. Please take care of Mr. Liver he is out of control. I am going to continue taking my milk thistle and wait for more improvements with my health. My thyroid levels were also lower then they had been in my previous test in March. The nurse dismissed this as nothing as well. I am going to start taking some natural thyroid supplements as soon as I can get out to the store. Low and high numbers with any functioning component of my body isn’t acceptable and “nothing”.

Relax....and take a deep breath

So much to share today. Last week I continued to have cramps up until about Saturday. Well I thought they were cramps but maybe they weren’t?? Seems that only felt a pain/cramp from my left ovary from Weds-Saturday. On Thursday during an appointment with Mrs. W, she had me take part of the ionic footbath and set them on top of my skin where I imagined my ovaries were. Then she explained that I needed to control the switch that controlled the footbath and the separate pieces over my ovaries. Basically I was to move it up until I felt twitching or tingling and that meant I had come across an area that needed some work. The results of my footbath were that I had a lot of metal (black) and mucus and I even had some color come out of my skin where I was holding the other two tools kind of a brown light brown color?? Mrs. W said that was very strange….is that good you think? I have never been what you call normal so I am going to go with strange is good. After this appointment, my left ovary was on fire. It literally felt like it was pulsating. On my way home, I recalled a chapter in a healing book I had recently read about a woman who was involved in a bad car accident and was thrown from her car. As she arrived at the hospital and they ran tests, she was told that she had a lot of internal injuries. One of her lungs was collapsed and her spleen was ruptured. The doctors wanted to remove her spleen but couldn’t operate until she stabilized. Feeling helpless laying there waiting to see if she did in fact stabilize, the woman decided she was going to do everything she could at that moment to help herself. Being that she was not able to get up from the hospital bed, she began trying to take deep, deep breaths. At first it really burned and she couldn’t take very deep ones, but as she worked at it she found that she was able to breathe more deeply with every hour she worked at it until she was taking complete breaths. The next day the doctors came in to check her vitals, did some x-rays and found that her lung had repaired itself and that the lesion on her spleen was also better. She had healed herself by taking really deep breaths and relaxing herself. I know what you are thinking, “yeah right”. The doctors involved confirmed this happening and if you search “the healing power of deep breathing”, you will be amazed. How can something that should be so obvious for us to do on a daily basis be missed by so many? I used to think I breathed the correct way but in order to take one full, deep breath, your lower abdomen should come out and your lungs should almost burn. As you take the deep breathe you will notice that your mind is clear because you are focusing on taking the breath. This is why the experts say deep breathing is so healing, as you focus on taking the breaths, you stop stressing and your mind is at ease. Your body takes in all of the oxygen, relaxes and you feel more at ease. Try it the next time you are sitting in traffic or having trouble falling asleep at night. It has helped me fall asleep a few times since I have incorporated into my getting ready for bed routine which was already quite lengthy but breathing my 10 breaths takes less then 3 minutes. As I stated previously, I am taking the time each morning before I get out of bed to take 10 deep breaths and then doing 10 more before I fall asleep. The point of this story is that I believe that what I was feeling last week wasn’t a period, it was my ovary healing. My left ovary has never been able to be viewed on any of my ultrasounds. The fertility specialist said it was probably because it was either to small with no follicles or because it had collapsed. My new OBGYN, Dr. S, said it is because it hides behind my bowels. I think Dr. S is probably the closest to the real reason mainly because the fertility specialist also told me my right ovary was collapsed with no standing follicles which we all know is not true. I think what I felt last week was my left ovary healing. I talked it over with Mrs. W and she believes that as well. She said we shouldn’t feel any of our internal organs from the outside unless something is going on good or bad and given all of the positive changes I have seen lately, she believed the pain was good. She said it seems like my body is really cleansing and healing quickly and that it seems ready to be healthy again. On Saturday, during a trip to the bathroom, I noticed some strange CM that resembled a thin piece of paper followed by some clear stretchy CM. The thin paper like CM was in a round shape and the size of a pencil top eraser. Alarmed I called my husband which I am not sure why I did that because he had no idea what to say and then all I did was worry him. He then wanted me to take another HPT but I told him that two in one week was enough and that those things aren’t cheap. If it were up to him, I would take one every morning. The strange CM was gone after Saturday and so was the pain on my left ovary. “Things” have been dry since Saturday and I am anxious to see what changes happen the next two weeks. I have marked in my calendar when I think I could have ovulated last month and am hoping it happens again this month. Speaking of ovulation, my husband and I have decided to cancel our appointment with the fertility specialist in August and make an appointment with a new fertility clinic called Conceptions. My mother had read about this clinic in a local magazine and saw them on the news and one of my followers on this blog also recommended them. We decided that the other clinic had bad karma and didn’t think that we couldn’t go in with a positive attitude even with all the positive changes after how mean the ultrasound tech was to us that horrible day in April 2009. Conceptions will give us a new start, new positive karma and a better chance at successful IVF. It is a good decision for us and Conceptions has a pretty good success rate so I don’t feel like I am losing anything by making the switch except for the bad karma which I will gladly leave behind. I hope that Conceptions will make us feel welcome and maintain a positive attitude throughout our IVF process (should we have to do that).

Learning to say NO and how to de-stress

Weds., June 9th

After reading a great and inspiration book called “the Fertile Soul” by Randine Lewis on my recent trip. I am now convinced that part of the reason my body shut down was because of stress that has been building up internally for many years…..I also believe the other reason for my fertility issue is taking the pill for over 10 years. The book discusses how stress can and has caused many women’s fertility to not work properly or stop working all together. Until recently, I have always been a people pleaser, afraid to say no, afraid to make someone mad, afraid to go against the norm. I would just let things happen and not say anything, say yes to every party/dinner invitation I received and rushed around trying to please everyone….everyone that is but me! This has caused me to hide and harvest a lot of internal anger when people don’t reciprocate the same actions towards me…in other words in acting a certain way, I expected my friends and loved ones to return the favor….and when they didn’t I would get upset but wouldn’t say anything because after all they were my friends and family and I didn’t want to upset them. This book has taught me that I can’t do that anymore because in pleasing everyone but myself, I am loosing myself. I need to say no when I want to, express emotion when I need to and learn to not get upset when everything doesn’t go perfectly. I also need to take time to take deep breathes, message my hands and feet and embrace how truly lucky I am in life and love. For almost a month now, I haven’t been focused on my fertility problems. One because I can feel my body healing and two I just cant worry about it anymore, I need to move on. I feel great, like a new woman and I am ready for whatever life throws my way. Having said that I still need to report that both yesterday and today, I have had thin, clear, water like CM. I haven’t had anything like this since going off the pill so this is another change. A very good friend of mine had her baby this morning so after work I am off to see the new bambino and welcome him into this crazy place we call life and then will be off to help the hubby start packing up our first home together so we can buy our first home together.